Haul, Declutter, Repeat

After a seemingly unending home renovation (yes, it's still going on), I reminded of an important lesson: You can't build something that lasts without a solid foundation.  This applies to more than just actual construction.  

The Internet abounds with quick-fix content.  Feeling unhealthy? Buy this supplement.  Feeling lonely?  Swipe right & hook up.  Want to lose a ton of weight?  Try a fad diet or a dangerous injection.  Drowning in stuff?  Just declutter.  While short-cuts might work for minor issues, they rarely work long term and never solve complex issues like addiction.

Try a short-cut and you will find that: after the supplements run out you'll go back to feeling unhealthy because you didn't address unhealthy habits.  After the hook up, you'll still be lonely because you didn't build a true and meaningful relationship or address the behaviors that lead to isolation.  Go off the diet or stop the shots and the weight will surely return (and then some) because you didn't build a healthy relationship with food.  Declutter and then watch as your home and closet fill up again because you didn't deal with your shopping addiction.

Hauls feel good for the dopamine hit of getting something new.  (I was definitely lost in a haul phase about five years ago)  Declutters feel good for getting organized and having breathing room again.  (I did a major declutter two years ago)  And while the occasional shopping spree or junk purge are perfectly fine, we are literally watching the addiction cycle on repeat with every influencer who Hauls/Declutters, Hauls/Declutters, Hauls/Declutters.  Since I've done the hauls and I've done a major declutter there's no judgement here, just observation: It's not healthy for your mind or your bank account.  And sometimes, the declutters actually trigger you to buy more because now you have all this space.  

2025 has been a Low Buy year for me.  Essentially my rule was that I would ditch the designers and stick to thrifting.  Thrifting in itself can give that dopamine hit because you've discovered a sought after treasure and for a bargain, but like all good things, it can be excessive; it can be addictive and although I know I am making progress and am leaps and bounds better off than I was years ago during my haul phase, which involved a lot of impulse buying, I still have to be careful.  Take this Selkie Day dress in rich red.   I found it for 65% off the original cost and as much as I wanted to snag it on the spot, I watched and waited for 6 weeks before buying (so there's some major progress there because it wasn't an impulse), but did I really need it at all?  No, no I did not.  I have plenty of other festive dresses; I was drawn in by the thrill of the bargain.  Rather than getting frustrated with myself, I'm going to be kind, be calm, and not declutter a whole bunch of red dresses to make up for it.

While I've spent far less than last year and made great strides toward my goals, including breaking my haul habit and waiting at least 24 hours before buying something so I can truly think it over, I've definitely brought in enough new-to-me treasures that my closet is starting to feel cluttered again.  Doing small declutters at intervals is part of maintaining a tidy home, but having to do major declutters indicates a real problem with in-flow.  So, I'm committed to stemming the tide rather than doing haul/declutter on an endless repeat.  I've come to terms with the fact that I love clothing and I'm never going to completely stop shopping, but I'm getting better and better at bringing in less, reining in my spending, enjoying what I own, and addressing my behaviors by doing the hard work rather than reaching for short-cuts and quick fixes.  So, before the Black Friday and Cyber Monday madness begin, I'm doing a little internal inventory, to see what I really want to add and only if the price is right, and more than anything to just be thankful for what I already have.

Outfit Info:  Selkie Day Dress thrifted from TheRealReal, Shoes by B.A.I.T
 

Dress Up & Show Up

    I know so many people who absolutely ache to wear nice things but are too afraid to buck this excessively casual trend we're stuck in.  I also know that it's hard to stand out from the crowd, but to me it feels harder to be miserable following along with everyone else.  If you dress up you'll inevitably face scrutiny and questions like, "why are you all dressed up?" The implication there is that if you don't have a darn good reason you are probably just thirsty for attention or showing off.  

    Dressing well isn't about showing off; it's about showing up.  It's not about vanity; it's about value.  The science is in; how you dress affects your mood, how you carry yourself and how you perform in your work and relationships.  When you dress well, you're showing up in your own life.  It's about valuing yourself enough to dress like it.  Nothing more.  

Outfit Info:  Zaza Dress from Ivy City Co., Shoes from B.A.I.T., Handbook for the Recently Deceased wallet from Amazon

 

Iconic Style

There's a huge emphasis right now on "individual style."  Throngs of attacks have been launched against shows like What Not To Wear for essentially telling people that their personal style was horrid, throwing everything away, and stripping them down to a few shopping rules, and then sending them home in a cookie cutter style.  

Personal style is a wonderful thing, the trouble is that most people are not interested in having truly unique style, they just want to look good without thinking too much about it.  And many people who have individual style...well, it's bad.  Guidelines or fashion rules aren't really a bad thing, and I'm sorry to say that most people don't want to go it alone, they want trends to follow and rules to cling to so they can just get on with their lives while feeling confident they look good.  And now we can't do that.  Everyone is left to their own devices, which means some confident, creative individuals are feeling total freedom and loving every second of it, and, yes, looking good doing it.  While nearly everyone else is kind of feeling lost at this point and just wearing the very safest and most thoughtless of outfits: jeans & t-shirts, active wear as regular clothing, etc.  And really...not just looking awful, but feeling awful about themselves too.  Not everyone can handle freedom and not everyone wants that kind of limitless freedom.  In other words, cookie cutters work.

 

If this much freedom feels like utter chaos to you, if you are feeling overwhelmed and lost instead of free, or worst of all you just hate the way you dress and don't know how to change it, the best way to start is to find your own style icon and mimic the hell out of them until you get your footing.  One of two things will happen:  1.  Over time, you will isolate the key things you love about their style and begin adding in your own touches until you have a style that can be called uniquely yours.  Or, 2.  You'll continue just mimicking that style and go on living your life.  Occasionally people will say, "you like just like X," and you'll say, "thank you, I love her!" or more aggressively, "how dare you speak to me!"  Read the situation on that before responding.  By simply using a person whose style you admire, over time you realize what it is you like about their style, what works for you and what doesn't, and begin incorporating elements from others you admire or simply from great pieces you find until you find your look and what looks best on you.

Today's post is dedicated to a great style icon, Bernie Dexter, whose likeness features on this dress from her company.  Important to point out that her own icon was Bettie Page and yet she now has her own brand and style.  We all just need a little guidance now and then and there's nothing wrong with that.

Outfit Info:  Bernie Dexter Dress, Leg Avenue Petticoat, B.A.I.T. Shoes, Jessica McClintock Clutch.

Fall In Its Own Good Time

The fall colors have finally arrived and precisely on nature's own unpredictable schedule!  I think we may only get to enjoy them for a week or two, but they certainly are lovely.  Ivy City Co. recently had an amazing sale, everything was 40% off, so I bought the two dresses that had been on my wish list for three months at an amazing price. They're here just in time to wear to the Thanksgiving gatherings I have planned and I love them both, though if pressed for a favorite, I'd have to say it's this Nash dress in Sepia bows.  It's so pretty, perfect neckline and a corset back.  I adore it and can't wait to wear it 

Outfit info:  Nash Dress in Sepia Bows from Ivy City Co.  Shoes from B.A.I.T. Footwear, Cardi from YeMak

Movie Review: Frankenstein

A recent date night took us to the theater to watch Guillermo del Toro's new iteration of Mary Shelly's 1818 classic book, Frankenstein (or A Modern Prometheus).  I am a fan of the book and a fan of del Toro's, so I had reasonable hopes for their creative pairing.  Just when you think this story has been done to death.  Shelley herself released a second version in 1831 and as far a visual productions, an generic internet search there are to date 423 movies, 204 short films, 78 tv series and 287 television episodes that mention or refer to Frankenstein, not to mention characters like Lurch from the Addams family that are obvious references.  Plus there are at least 60 film versions of the story itself.  

How was Guillermo del Toro going to resurrect this story?  Del Toro has an artistic and story telling style that have always stood out from the crowd, so I was interested to see his fresh cuts through a well worn path. The result?  A touching story about obsession, humanity, forgiveness and the redemptive power of a father's love.  Wow.  This is hands down the best version of this film I have ever seen.  Even among Del Toro's own body of work I would rank it near the top.  

The performances of one and all were superb, including from actor's I thought were just so-so in other works...about Star Wars.  Mia Goth is rapidly rising on my list of acting talent.  I've just enjoyed her in Marrowbone and she truly shines in the role of Elizabeth as a person who struggles with her own desires, integrity, purity, and humanity.  Instead of just being the beautiful, vapid doting female of the story, her character brings depth and intelligence to the story that is usually overlooked in this role.

The sets and costumes are beyond gorgeous with stunning art concepts and direction.  Color symbolism abounds -Red for Victor and his mother; blue for his sweet brother and Elizabeth dons both blue and green.  Also note the details in Victor's vest are reflective of the pattern of the Lymphatic system.  Likewise, Elizabeth's clothing is vibrant with nature patterns similar to those of butterflies and beetles that she loves so much.  Lots of thought went into the clothing in this film and that's something I can definitely appreciate.

Although there were some changes to the story from the original, I would say they were well done and the story from start to finish is a delicious feast for the mind and the eyes.  

Soft Miracles

Autumn arrives each year and yet, I wait with such hopeful expectation to see this soft miracle time and again.  I never tire of seeing the changes, day by day, or like this year overnight.  Life is filled with these occasions, reliable, often taken for granted, but worthy, oh so worthy of pausing to marvel.  In a world that seems increasingly despondent it lifts my spirits to soak in glorious beauty .

Outfit Info: Blossom Tree Wrap Dress by Love Your Look from Modern Millie, Shoes from B.A.I.T. Footwear, Clutch is vintage Jessica McClintock

Stardust & Stems: A Perfume Review

It doesn't happen often, but occasionally I do succumb to Instagram ads.  I try to never impulse buy, but rather to save the item, think about it, then research to see if it's legit, then think some more before finally buying.  The whole process can take a week to several months.  When I saw this ad for Stardust & Stems perfume, I definitely save it and got to thinking.  I waited two weeks before buying and I'm excited to share the results with you since the gift giving season is right around the corner and perfume, though very personal, does make a great gift.  *I am not in any way affiliated with any of these companies and clicking my links doesn't earn me any money or brownie points with them.*

Since I've entered my late 30s and early 40s, I have realized that the body spray I've been using since high school just doesn't really work for me anymore.  I still love the scent, black raspberries, but I need something that has a little more staying power.  To that end, I've been on the search for a signature scent.  Two Decembers ago I found this White Peach and Peony perfume at a TJ Maxx and purchased it. It's floral and fruity and I like it, but it may be a little too youthful for me.

The search went on and back in May '25 I purchased La Vie Est Belle L'Elixir during a Mother's Day sale from Lancome which promised a blackberry scent.  It delivered.  It is a lovely fragrance, but so rich I find it overpowering.

My next attempt was simply using vanilla essential oil.  It was my favorite of all, but I don't like the feel of oil on my skin, particularly in summer, so I didn't dilute it with a carrier oil and within a few months I developed an allergy.  So that was out.  I decided to try Vanilla Fields instead to get that natural vanilla smell without the awful rash.  It is a lovely scent, but still not quite what I was looking for, so the search continued.

As mush as I love the look of the cottage witch ad, I was more intrigued by the Roseberry Briar, Lilac, and London Fog.  Those are the three I purchased, and yes they did give me a promo code for signing up, so I saved 15% off my first order.

All of these lovely scents arrived within two weeks and were wrapped very nicely complete with testing strips.  Unfortunately, none of these scents are really my cup of tea.  They are pleasant and unusual, and seem perfect for a younger person, (I'm sure that's their key demographic) but nothing is quite harmonious with my vibe.  Perfume is a very personal thing and these just don't work for me.  I took a risk, ordering a scent from the internet, but I don't regret trying something new.  I'm sure if given enough time I could find a scent I loved, but for now my daughter loved and immediately took them all, and the search continues for me.