One Quiet Day

Yesterday I did absolutely nothing.  That's right.  Mr. Bleu and I were in total agreement that after all things we've had filling up our schedules lately, what we really needed most was a day of rest.  No cleaning house, no grocery shopping, no mowing the yard, no visiting friends, not so much as a date night.  We.  Did.  Nothing.  And, it was perfect.

I started my day of nothing on the preceding evening by going to bed at 8:00 p.m.  I know that's crazy early, but I was crazy tired both physically and emotionally, so I decided that even if I didn't fall asleep, I would just go in my room, lay down and look out the window until I did fall asleep.  As much as I would like to say that I was soothed into dreamland by the sounds of nature, that's not how it went at all.  Yeah, I was immediately out like the literal and proverbial light.

Ten blissful hours later, I woke up with nothing demanding my time, so I didn't get up.  I lay there for another half hour or so, not sleeping, more like thinking with my eyes closed.  I might have gone on that way for another hour or two more but even with the windows closed and the A/C running, I could hear the frantic squeals of a mama pig and eight piglets whose breakfast was long overdue.  So, I did get up.  

Once the animals were fed and quieted again, I spent the morning strolling around the yard with Mr. Bleu discussing improvements and the garden with neither of us intending to get around to any of it until another day.  Then we had our coffee and I had a couple of these amazing almond flour banana muffins I have been making each week as a healthy start to my day when I don't have time to make a bigger meal.  But, Mr. Bleu, seizing the lull in our schedule, took the time to make himself blueberry Dutch baby pancakes with homemade lemon curd.  It was amazing and I wish I had waited.

As for the rest of the day?  I spent some time in a mineral soak, got some sun to help keep my immune system healthy through the inevitable and seemingly endless winter, made my favorite meal for lunch--homemade pizza with a homemade vodka lemonade, and I managed to work in an afternoon nap and a little evening meditation and prayer time.

Today of course, we're both back to work doing all the things we didn't do yesterday and getting caught up before another busy week begins.  Unfortunately putting off work means it's still there waiting for another day and usually with a little more added from the delay.  And yet it seems so much easier to tackle these tasks when we're fully rested and refreshed.  

Shopping Info: Floral Lace Up Corset Dress-$34.20 from Cider in sizes 0-10  Rose Pattern Corset Dress in Plus Sizes 12-26

As Summer Slips Away

It's the saddest feeling of the year, the moment when I realize that summer is already half way over and it's slipping away from me again.  I suppose in an eastern sense, it is not the end of summer but the beginning as summer leads to autumn-winter-spring and then summer again, but I can't help but wish it could last just a little longer.

This summer has been a blur, and not the enjoyable kind in which we pass our days in a dreamy haze of lemonade and swim parties.  The not-so-pleasant kind in which everyone is working, rushing, hectic.  Sometimes I wish for another lockdown just so I could spend some time with my family.  Ok, ok, I know the lockdowns weren't great but as a longtime introvert and future shut-in, I felt like I was born for such a time and I loved having a purpose and goal to each day with my loved ones all around me.  And, to be quite honest, I wasn't really afraid.

What I am afraid of is the end of summer in both the metaphorical and literal sense.  I dread another winter as it feels like we just did that whole schtick!  And I dread the end of this part of my life, the summer of it, when my children are still children and they come home to me at the end of each day and they're happy and hopeful, looking forward to what they'll grow up to be.  I am afraid, because I feel that it's already over and I am just now realizing it.

I am of two schools of thought, I suppose.  The one that says I should find beauty in each passing season instead of being eternally in love with the summer, and the one that says the hardest things about the "good times" is that we don't know they are the good times until we're looking back.  And believe me when I say that lately I am doing a lot of looking back.

It's been a rough few years, I won't go into the details, but seeing the phrase, "two teenagers" should be enough to give you an idea of what's been going on.  Truth be told, I have been so busy surviving not only my own trauma but all my teenagers anger (most often directed at me) and drama (most often unloaded on me so I can lay awake and worry all night) that I haven't been doing much actual living.

Summer by summer, they have all slipped by me and now another summer is passing away.  One child graduated and moving on to her "real life."  Another child with so little left of this leg of the journey, and I feel like I have barely been a part of it and yet will never be so significant to her again.  Hmm.  It's a lot to take in.  I suppose that's why hot summer days are so good for being still and thinking.  And I suppose in the end, I have no control over the seasons--metaphorical or literal--so I should just sit back and try to enjoy it as much as I can while it lasts. 

Outfit Info:  Emily and Fin swimmer dress is old.

ChicWish + Bostanten = The Perfect Pairing

A few years ago when I first began the blog, I did all the photos in one room in my home that was totally blank and then added a background in so make it more interesting.  Because I could do these sorts of photos daily (always at 10 a.m. when the sun came through the windows) I was able to plan something different everyday and I could really take my time on the details of the outfit. 

Since we moved, I haven't had an indoor location and outdoor photo sessions require much more planning and hauling of things and racing against the sunrise, so I very often forget or am unable to include all the accessories that I want and wear with my outfits out in the real world.  Not today.  Today was the pairing of all my favorite things.

I love two piece sets like this Off-Shoulder Bow Knot Crop Top and Flare Skirt from ChicWish for the expanded outfit potential they create.  You can wear them together or mix and match and with this lovely floral print, there is no end to the possibilities on color combos.  I do have some promo links for you at the end, so keep reading to save a little on your shopping venture.

Today I chose red bow kitten heels and this lovely pink bag from Bostanten.  Bags are one of those things I rarely treat myself to.  I have some novelty bags for photos, but for the most part, I buy one purse and use it until it quite literally falls apart.  And I usually choose a neutral color like black or brown, so when Bostanten reached out about a collaboration I decided to treat myself to something girly and colorful, and since Bostanten uses top quality Italian cow-hide leather, I know this bag is going to stand the test of time.

Speaking of bows, this two piece set has loads of details, from the gathered tiers of the skirt to the puffy sleeves and the adorable bowknot back.  There is a lot to love and even though I went with pink and red today, this bright blue pops so much, I can already tell I'll wear this with a cerulean blue cardigan as soon as the weather gets chilly.

Everything about this outfit makes me happy.  It's everything summer should be:  the light and airy dress, the bright colors, and the chic bag to top it all off.  

In addition to being the nicest bag I have ever owned and being impossibly cute, this bag has some pretty great features if you'll scroll down:

What a perfect dual collaboration, it's so amazing when everything falls into place!  Of course, I will have a full YouTube of this bag and I dearly hope to work with both these brands again soon!

Shopping Info: Bostanten Leather Crossbody Satchel Bag-$89, Use this link to get 15% OFF for Bostanten Handbags,  

ChicWishOff-Shoulder Bowknot Crop Top and Flare Skirt Set in Floret Print-$69.90  Use this link to get 10% Off Orders Over $100 at ChicWish

Home and the Holiday

The holiday last week totally threw me off my routine.  Getting a break on a Tuesday isn't something I'm going to complain about, but as a result, everything has been a little off-kilter, so the blog had to take a little holiday too while I got everything sorted and realigned.  

My holiday, by the way, was not a day of rest.  We spent several days celebrating with both sides of our families so that we could properly honor the birth of our nation and at the end of it all, I very much felt like I needed a holiday from my holiday. 

The only fireworks I saw were as we were driving home from our third place to visit and I happened to open my eyes long enough to catch them in a couple of small towns we drove through.  That's right, I fell asleep in the car on the way home and the previous day during a post-dinner family movie.  I want to go all the places and be everything everyone is asking me to be, but it all needs to be wrapped up by 9:00 p.m. or I'm out like a light holiday or no holiday.  

So, I did get to see some fireworks and more importantly I got to see family and friends.  The fireworks were lovely and the way all the small town people gathered together made me love this country even more.  Every time I see things like this it feels like coming home again

Home is a very special concept:  It's a place, it's people, and it's a feeling all separate and yet rolled into one.  I know many people, or rather a very vocal minority, like to express their contempt for this country, but while I think it's fine to acknowledge the problems, don't forget to celebrate the really great things too.

So, the holiday has passed and we won't have another wonky week until autumn as far as I know.  Maybe I can get some of my classes and certifications out of the way and get back to business as usual here on the blog and in life in general.

Shopping Info:  Green Floral Dress from Aliexpress

Fashion as a Creative Outlet

Fashion gets a bad rap as though only vain, brainless people care about their looks.  Well, it's true that some vain people care about their looks, but after traveling around the world and getting to know all kinds of people, I can honestly say that it takes zero thought to NOT care about your looks, so having a personal style necessarily means being a thoughtful person of some intelligence.  As far as vanity goes, there are a whole lot of people on this planet who are incredibly vain about how much they DON'T care about their looks.  That's right, I've met many people who were vain about their frumpiness because they called it rebellion, or being modest or pious, when it was really just pride in being unkempt.  Fashion is a great thing that I wish more people would embrace as a part of their own sense of self worth and well being, so maybe this post will help with that.  If you love fashion, HUZZAH!  You're in the right place.  If you don't , or if you're on the fence, stick around and learn a thing or two or feel free to move along afterwards and we can part as friends.  Totally your choice and no judgement from me. 

Fashion is an amazing thing really because it is all at once a statement of emotions, status, career, etc and a creative composition.   Whether we like it or not our clothes say a lot about who we are and how we feel about ourselves.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, have you ever seen someone sick with the flu who dresses to the nines?  Not likely.  And people who are severely depressed tend to dress down as well, because how you dress tends to tell the world how you feel about yourself whether you mean for it to or not.   

Some people are quite content to be told what to wear to look nice, and there's nothing wrong with that if fashion or creativity just aren't your vibe.  I used to be friends with a very successful accountant who had no interest in creating anything and was very comfortable with that fact.  However, if you're a creative person, you neeeeed to make and do things all the time.  For this type of person, or even for someone who just wants the occasional inspiration challenge, fashion becomes more than just an expression, it becomes a creative challenge, an outlet for creative energy.  A simple dress is a canvas that will host many paintings, each one unique, telling a different story.  Take this little cream lace dress from Anthropologie.  At the time that I bought it I was living in Japan and set an alarm to wake up at 1:00 a.m. to win it on Ebay.  The minute it arrived, the wheels began turning and I started thinking of all the different ways I could style it.

That meant time, thoughtfulness, and experimentation.  Unlike other forms of creative expression, fashion is very personal, it means getting to know your body's strengths and flaws, but being aware of those things and playing to your strengths while down-playing your flaws doesn't mean you are vain, just contemplative.  I know that scares people because many people cannot separate their emotions about their bodies from the mere facts.  They think if a piece of clothing doesn't look good on them it's because they are no good rather than the clothes.  Or, they think if they have hip dips and those are trending it must mean they're unattractive rather than just something they may want to camouflage until trends change or they become more comfortable with their bodies.  

Putting together an outfit is the same process involved in creating any composition except that when you compose a painting or a poem, you don't have to take your own looks into account.  You can decide to rhyme begin with again and it doesn't really matter if you have a pear shape or an hourglass figure.  So, fashion is the most personal form of creative expression and for many like myself it presents an enjoyable daily challenge.

Simply put, fashion is fun, it's interesting and ever changing/ever challenging not to keep up, don't bother keeping up.  It's ever changing because we are ever changing and it's ever-challenging to keep up with the ways we change mentally, professionally, emotionally, spiritually.  And fashion is nothing if not a beautiful way of telling the world all those things about ourselves in just a glance.  So keep creating, keep testing and experimenting with your clothes and your personal style and keep having fun while doing it.

A Kind of Adventure

Ok, I know I complain a lot about how busy we are, but truly, truly this year and particularly these past few months we have been busier than ever.  I always think that when summer rolls around and school is out, we'll have more time for family, for rest, for travel, but we usually end up doing very little to none of those things while our schedule fills up with so many other things like covering for co-workers who are out doing those things, that by the time school rolls around again, we're glad for the break.  

Determined that one of my children would not sit at home alone all summer, face glued to a screen that's sending her all sorts of wrong and horrible messages, I asked if she would like to go to a week long summer camp I'd just heard about.  She didn't say no, she said, .....maybe.  I asked her not to think too long, because I'd heard about it late and the deadline was the very next day.  My daughter had just spent the afternoon bemoaning the fact that according to their social media accounts, all her friends were out doing things she wasn't invited to and she was stuck at home waiting for that invitation and feeling worse about herself by the second.  I told her as I will now tell you, dear reader, it is absolutely no one on the planet's responsibility to entertain you or give you an interesting life but yours.  If you sit at home, it's because you choose to.  If you're bored with your life, it's because you choose to be.  If you want adventure, go out and find it.  I told my daughter this, and later that night she came to me and said she'd like to go to camp.

The first couple of days went well, but by Wednesday evening a disaster was brewing and by Friday, there was no denying it.  I won't go into the details; suffice to say that she acted the fool and should be ashamed of herself although seemed vaguely proud, and I was thoroughly embarrassed because many of the people hosting the camp are also my co-workers and I could tell when I came to pick her up that disaster had indeed happened by the way their reception had gone from cordial on Tuesday and cool/hostile on Thursday.  By Friday, a camp instructor pulled me aside and kindly said that if I ever needed to talk, she was here for me.  Sweet baby Moses in a basket! There are some parts of parenting that I am never prepared for, and this is one of them.

It's harder to forgive, forget, and face my co-workers when I know all the shameful details of this meltdown, and forgetting in particular is what I really want to do.  So, I did not ask for details.  I would just like to move on.  Everyone does embarrassing stuff, everyone's kid does embarrassing stuff.  Mine seem to do more than their fair share, but I am still hopeful they'll grow out of it.  And, who knows, maybe a seed was planted here for my daughter that will encourage her to seek out new opportunities and maybe do better next time.  But regardless, she cannot say she had a totally boring summer, because good or bad, this was definitely one kind of adventure.

As for the rest of summer, I am still (perhaps foolishly) holding on to the hope that things will slow down at least for a few weeks so our family can enjoy some rest, sunshine, and family time before school starts up again.  And who knows, maybe we'll even have time to have another (hopefully better) adventure or two.

Outfit Info:  Ivy City Co Dress, Honiara Vintage Shoes

The Way of All Things

It still makes me happy all the way to my bones when I hear my girls laughing together in their room.  When we are all here together and I hear their joy, it feels like all is right with the world and I want to stay in that moment forever.  I won't say parenting has been easy, nothing worthy or important is ever easy.  

I know the days have been long but the years have been short and now they're almost at an end.  I don't know what I'll do when they move out and my house is far, far too quiet.  This is the way of all things, the natural order, and I won't try to stop it, but I will try to savor every moment together we have left to us, every moment before it all changes.

This summer has brought many changes as my oldest daughter graduated from high school and began working full-time to save up for classes in the fall.  My youngest daughter started driving and working as well and Mr. Bleu and I are finding ourselves, as summer reaches its end, with more just-the-two-of-us time on our hands.  

In my experience it is better to bend with this wind when it blows.  I've seen parents try to hold on to their children and keep them from flying away.  It never goes well.  The relationship becomes bitter, toxic, and never leads to what a parent's heart truly wants which is for their child to be little again.  

I wish my children were little again too, but they are not and never will be so young, so in need of me again.  They're learning to stand on their own two feet and that is just as it should be.  And, I truly believe that God in his wisdom made teenagers so unbearable and unpleasant so that it is so much easier to let them go.

Nevertheless, in these moments, when I stand outside my daughters' closed door while they blare music on a record player (of all things!) and talk and laugh and paint their nails together, I am deeply content to hold them, even if it is from a distance, only for a moment, and only in my heart.

Shopping Info:  Nantucket dress-$138 from Ivy City Co.  Use my link to save 10% off your purchase.  Flats from VIVAIA