Little Earthquakes

This year, I didn't do a New Year's Resolution because my life was already filled with so much change.  In January I started a second job, doing work I've never done before but which interests me.  I know what you're thinking, I got the extra job so I can buy more dresses.  Wrong.  I got the extra job because I have some very specific financial goals and I don't want to compromise my dress habit to achieve them.  With the extra money from this job, I am going to help my oldest daughter buy her first car and pay the insurance, which will be a major milestone for her and a major millstone off my neck.  

With the remaining income from my new job, I have been paying for classes to eventually become certified in a new career path.  If I had known how to get into this field when I was fresh out of high school, I would have jumped at the chance because this has been an interest of mine since I was about sixteen years old.  As it was I spent most of my university career drifting from one major to another hoping something would eventually spark a passion, but nothing really did.  Instead, I settled for a field that I felt would be just rewarding enough to keep me busy.  Busy, but not passionate.  Not fulfilled.

I've been languishing for a while now, feeling under utilized in every area of my life.  I love my job; I've made some wonderful friends and I feel like I've made a difference in my community.  But, if I'm being honest, there are days when it's just not enough.  It is a fact of life that not everyone can do work which brings them satisfaction.  Most of us must work a job to earn the money to afford our real lives, the lives that bring us true fulfillment in the form of family relationships and friendships.  But, if you could have both a meaningful personal life and a fulfilling career, then why not do both. 

Well, it's freaking scary for one thing.  I'm over 40 and starting a new career path at no small personal expense to my bank account and my time, and I might fail miserably.  That's the thought that kept me on the fence about whether or not to take the plunge for months.  Then one day I couldn't wait anymore.  Classes were beginning and if I wanted in, I had to decide.  I asked my family who were present at the time to put their screens down and give me some advice.  They said they supported me and believed in me and thought this new path seemed like the perfect fit. 

With those few words of support, and the click of a button, things changed.  The earth didn't move under my feet, even a little earthquake can really shake things up.  So, here I am starting something new.  I may succeed; I may fail.  I may love this new path; it may be just another job.  

Shopping Info:  Haunted Dress in Ivory-Illuminated-$263 from SamanthaPleet.com

Plaid Perfect: Retro-Stage Collaboration Pt. 2

As winter stretches on and on.  And on.  At this point, my commitment to having a set seasonal wardrobe is beginning to get a little boring.  Retro-Stage to the rescue with this beautiful dress/bolero set, and you can save an extra 15% off your purchase with code Leandra15.

Our collaboration continues with this lovely set.  That's right, I bought the dress and Jacket as a set.  I love that this dress looks like a two piece outfit.  It's also quite nice because the skirt is a thick soft felt fabric, perfect for this chilly weather.

I am so glad I got the set because this shrug is the perfect accessory for this dress!  I absolutely adore it and I have already begun thinking of all the wonderful outfits it will pair with perfectly.

This collaboration with Retro-Stage has made me a big fan of the shop.  Everything so far has been great quality and just look at the fit of this dress.  I love it!

Shopping info: 2PCS BROWN BOLERO JACKET & PLAID PENCIL DRESS-$112.99 from Retro Stage  Save an extra 15% with code Leandra15

Blockade Party: Patience Pays Off

Ten years ago I fell in love with this dress red Backgammon dress by Bea & Dot from ModCloth.  It was at the time when pretty much every dress that ModCloth debuted cost $100 and rarely went on sale.  So, sadly, I watched it sell out without being able to afford it.

Thanks to my obsessive nature, I never forgot the dress and over the past decade I have continued to search for it on various resale sites.  I got close a time or two, but it was always so far from my size that I couldn't tailor it.  So, I kept waiting.

Patience and consistency aren't a guarantee of success, but they really do help the odds.  So, I checked again the other day, for the nth time and lo and behold, this beauty was available in my size and for only $30!  It's not in perfect condition, in fact I had to set about patching a 3"/7.5cm long rip in the lining near the shoulder, but other than that and two very tiny spots on the skirt, the dress is in excellent condition considering how old it is.

Waiting all these years to find this dear old dress, reminds me of a larger point about life and how we live it.  It reminds me of a sort of tortoise approach to life where slow and steady pays off over a mad dash to have everything all at once.

We live in a world where we want everything right now; we don't want to wait for it.  I've heard many frustrated people say something along the lines of if I can't have it right now I don't want it at all or if I don't do this right now, I'll never do it.  As I mentioned in a previous post, there is a prevalent message right now telling people if they don't do things like go to college and get a career before they have children they never will.  That's stupid.  It's about as stupid as pushing kids to go to university fresh out of high school because if they don't go then they never will.

Plenty of people, if not most people, need time to figure out what they really want anyway.  I watched so many of my classmates at universities all over the world struggle with the exact same issue of feeling that had rushed into secondary educations for careers they weren't even sure they wanted yet and then be saddled with a debt so huge they had to stay in those careers to pay them off.  And that's if they found work in their field at all.

On the other hand, I know plenty of people who had their families first and then, once the baby days were done, pursued an education and a career in a field they both loved and were ready to commit to because they had taken the time to live life, mature into adults, and figure out who they were and what they really wanted to do with their lives.

I'm in the same boat myself.  I left high school two years early so I could jump right into my university studies.  Only days after my 17th birthday, I started classes thinking I knew what I wanted, but after a year I changed direction.  Then again.  And again.  Until I was running out of time to get my degree before the grant money dried up.  I chose something I thought I could do proficiently and would offer me a chance to travel the world, since that's what I thought I really wanted to do...until I found out I was expecting my first child.  Suddenly, school was just the thing I was doing until my real life started.

People offered a lot of unasked for opinions on my decision to stay home, telling me if I didn't finish my master's and doctorate degrees now I never would.  I told them I had only one chance to raise my children and if I wanted to go back to school later, I would.  Twelve years of momming, homeschooling, and traveling, laughter, and adventures later, it was time to say goodbye to the most rewarding chapter of my life thus far and start something new.  So, here I am, over 40 and starting classes again, working toward a new career path that truly does make sense for me, who I am now and who I was then but just didn't know it yet.

People used to say in real estate it's location, location, location, maybe that's true, but in life, it's timing, timing, timing.  Don't get frustrated if something you want doesn't work out right now.  Keep going, and don't forget about the things you want.  If you patiently pursue your dreams, no matter how big or small, sooner or later, they will come true.

Shopping Info:  ModCloth's Blockade Party Dress by Bea & Dot

No More Poshing?

Poshmark has been my go-to for selling all the pretty things that I like but don't love or that I love but don't wear.  Until now.  Don't get me wrong, I still love Posh and use it all the time but I've decided to stop selling.  Apparently Uncle Sam is going to start coming after clothing sellers like me because even though I paid taxes when I bought the clothes, as did the retailer who sold them to me, and even though the person who bought them from me also paid taxes on them as did Posh on their fees, Uncle Sam wants me to pay again.

I'm no accountant, but my understanding is that unless I can prove each sale was a loss, not a profit, which they ALL are when reselling clothes, then I have to pay taxes on whatever I get from each sale.  Well, I can prove it on most of the clothes I've sold, but seriously, I don't have the time or interest in digging up receipts for things I bought years ago just to prove what anyone with a fully functional brain knows, which is that no one makes a profit off of selling their own second hand clothes.  It's always loss.

Selling my used clothes isn't an actual business for me, in the same way no one becomes a professional yard-saler just because they have one two or three times a year.  Ok, Uncle Sam, you win.  I won't be selling anymore clothes because I just don't have the energy to prove that I shouldn't have to pay taxes on them.  To that end, I'm closing my Posh closet soon.  You may be wondering what I'll do with all the clothes.  Excellent question.

ThredUp is out because they started charging a fee for you to send them things.  The fee is about $13 which is usually all I make off a gigantic bag of clothes, so it's just not worth it for me to do that anymore.  Right now, I know three girls who are just reaching their teens.  They're right about my size and they love everything I wear, so I've been taking things to them, bundle by bundle and letting them take whatever they want.  It makes me feel far better to see them get things they will love than it does to just drop them off at a GoodWill or having Thredup donate the things they don't want.

 

I'm thankful for my time on Posh because those sales have not only helped me curb the in-flow of clothes to my home and make some much needed space in my closet, they've also helped me afford some of my most favorite pieces like my Matoshi Strawberry dress.  

Hopefully one day things will change, but in the meantime, thank you, Posh for all your help.  You'll definitely still be seeing me as a customer, but my selling days are over for a while.  

UPDATE:  The 1099 for selling on sites like Poshmark and PayPal has been delayed for a year, but my feelings on the matter remain unchanged, so while I may not close my closet tomorrow, I'm done listing new items.  It's not worth it.

Unapologetically Yours

I am the kind of person who blames themselves for everything.  Personal accountability is a wonderful thing that is sadly lacking in much of the world's population today, but for the few of us out there who were born with it, accountability can flourish to the point of over abundance in our lives.  I have found myself in quite a few toxic relationships where it took me years to realize I wasn't the problem.  Seeing that the relationship was broken and unhealthy I kept blaming myself, trying to fix myself, trying to be perfect, and never realizing that I was the only one asking how can I be better for you, reading the books, taking the classes, and just generally trying at all; the other person did nothing to be better for me.  As quick as they were with a criticism or an answer to how I could be better for them, they didn't even ask how they could be better for me.   It all had to come crashing down for me to realize that no matter how hard I was working at building us up, the other person was working harder at tearing us down.  For someone like me saying, "I didn't do anything to deserve this and I didn't do anything wrong," was the hardest thing I've ever had to admit.  In a way, it was freeing.  It freed me up to be a person with faults and weakness and failure.  I didn't have to be perfect anymore.  I've taken that little lesson to heart as I dabble in the world of social media because no matter how good you are, people find the nastiest things to say and the dumbest things to complain about.  The old me would have been devastated.  The new me is better able to laugh and shrug it off.  

Recently I got a comment on one of my Youtube videos that was so absurd that I actually laughed and read it out loud.  It seems that I misspelled a word in one of the titles.  In a video about repurposing wedding dresses instead of "Dyeing" I wrote "Dying."  A person viewing it felt the need to shriek, "Change the title!  I thought this was about what to do with your wedding dress after you're dead!"  Are you kidding me?  While the sarcastic side of me was tempted to publish the comment and write back, "Haha, gotcha, bitch!"  I decided to delete it instead.  The thumbnail for the video shows before and after photos of dresses that have been dyed.  That should have been clue #1 that it was about dye not death.  Clue #2 should have been that I'm not dead.  Clue #3 should really be who cares what happens to their wedding dress after they're dead?!  I guess if you're repurposing the dress of someone who has died, you'll probably dye it and so the video becomes relevant again.  This comment isn't quite as brilliant as the reader who went back to a post from 2015 and screamed at me to correct a spelling error, but it's right up there, and in the past it would have caused me so much distress that I would have immediately changed the spelling and publicly apologized to the offended party.

I'm a huge proponent of being open to correction but that's not really what this is.  What we see going on on the internet is just entitled people with empty lives complaining and criticizing in order to fill them up.  If I apologized and went back and changed one letter in my video from over a year ago, do you suppose it would make that person happy?  No, not at all.  A happy person would have laughed at my mistake and at themselves for thinking anyone would make such an absurd video and then moved on with their lives.  She's an unhappy person and she gets a payoff from making sure that everyone knows it.  If it would help anything or anyone, I probably would change it and say sorry, but it won't help her or anyone else.  She has already moved on and found other things to nitpick and complain about, and if I spent my time trying to please everyone on the internet, I'd work myself to death.  No, thank you.  There will always be people who like me and people who don't.  People who don't just kindly move along.  I make mistakes, I'm human, I'm ok with it and I'm not going to apologize for just being human.  Although I am a firm believe in admitting when I've had screwed up and asking for forgiveness when I've hurt people, but let's be real, that's not what this is.  This is someone looking to be offended and finding it in silly places like type-o's. 

So, if you read this blog or watch the Youtube channel, here's your heads-up that I'm human, I make mistakes and if you can't handle it, I'll understand if we have to part ways.  I wish it weren't so, but that's just how it has to be.  I can't spend all my time trying to measure up to other people's standards and stay sane, especially when those people don't even have blogs or Youtube channels but feel qualified to criticize those who do. I'll take imperfection and sanity over that, thank you very much.  You don't have to be perfect to love your life, or good at things like to enjoy them, so I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and enjoying it in spite of the mistakes.  

 

Beauty for Ashes

On the heels of Valentine's Day and since we touched on the subject in that post, I thought it would be the perfect time to explore the topic of heartbreak a little more.  At this point in my life I am working three jobs and spending about 50  hours a week at them, plus taking classes so that I can move into a different career path.  It sounds like a lot and sometimes it feels like a lot, but it's alright because I have one day a week when I work from home and I still have my weekends, so I'm managing the extra hours pretty well. 

Since my schedule has filled up so suddenly I have had to make a point to workout on my work at home day and each of the weekend days to keep my routine in the healthy range on 3-5 days per week.  Working out helps me manage my stress and sleep well, so for the past 20 years or so, I have made it a priority to exercise consistently, especially when I am feeling stressed and boy do I need it now.  It was on my work at home morning, when I'm not in such a rush to be out the door, that I put in one of the dozen or so Jillian Michaels dvds that I own and prepared myself for a workout.  BRRRRZZZZT!  the DVD player spit the disc back out.  I repeated this several times with different discs and after turning the player off and then on again, but the sad fact is that after 12 years of loyal service, Stevie the DVD player has given up the ghost and been laid to rest.  

Since this was a workout day, I was determined to get in some kind of structured workout and turned to YouTube to see if Jill has anything similar out there.  Two ten minute workouts later, while I was drinking water and catching my breath, I decided to see what else Jillian has on her channel when I came across an interview with Dr. Florence Williams called How to Fix a Broken Heart.  

Dr. Williams found herself suddenly single after 32 years of what she thought was a happy healthy relationship and as a scientist, she began studying her physical response to her situation and searching for scientific reasons for her grief and ways to heal.   At about 24 minutes into the interview, Dr. Williams said something that struck me.  She said that some people never recover from heart break, but among those who were resilient, people who could find beauty in the world around them and experience awe on a regular basis were most likely to recover.  

I immediately thought of Isaiah 61:3  “And provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes...

Finding beauty in the world around you allows you to look outside your own grief and problems and see that in spite of everything, there is still good and all is not lost.  Even if you have not experienced grief or trauma, finding beauty can pull you out of your own stress and troubles just as well.  

So, if you have been feeling sad or lost or stressed, take a moment to think about the things you enjoy.  What inspires awe in you?  Is it a sunrise across the mountains or the beach?  Go for a hike, or take a little trip to the beach with the sole purpose of taking in and appreciating your surroundings. Is it intricate paintings or incredible sculptures?  Go to a museum and spend time just studying and admiring these creations and when you do, take some time to remember that there is a great creator of all things who is holding you in his hands even through your grief and sorrows and He wants to give you beauty for ashes.

How to Use Your Selkie Points

If you're a devotee of Selkie, you may remember that they started awarding points with every purchase about a year ago.  I love getting a little something back on sites where I'm a regular and when it comes to Selkie, I make a purchase at least every 3 months and sometimes more often as the new collections release.  So, I've been collecting my rewards points on each purchase, and I get the occasional email when I have earned more points that notifies me of my current total.  What I haven't seen is an option to spend those points on a purchase.  

Searching on Selkie's site, including the FAQs didn't yield any results on how to actually use them.  If you're in the same boat, then wonder no more.  Thanks to advice from fellow Selks, I have compiled a step-by-step instructional for you so you can use all those points you've been collecting.

Step 1.  Login to your account.  You can't use your points if you aren't signed in.

Step 2.  Shop as usual.  This is the fun part where you pick out the things you like, add them to your cart and then prepare yourself for the not so fun part of seeing how much your dreamy dresses are going to cost you by hitting the "Checkout" button.

Step 3.  From the checkout screen you will click on the little bag with a heart next to it that's been floating in the bottom right hand corner this whole time but you probably didn't notice it.  This will tell you how many points you have earned and it will take you to a screen that will ask you if you want to redeem them for a dollar value.  If you choose to redeem them, you will get a coupon code which you will enter into the promo code section during checkout.  Be advised you can likely not stack promo codes, so make sure you can't get a better deal with a promo code before you use your points.

That's it.  So simple, and yet, it took me forever to figure out how it works.  This may come as a surprise to you, and it certainly did to me, but so far I have not yet earned enough points to make it worth it to spend them over just using a promo code for 10% off a regular purchase.  So, I'll just keep saving them up for a while yet.  After all, the spring launch is just around the corner. 

I hope this has clarified things for you and with that spring launch coming up that you either get to use or get to save up some more points for future use.  Happy Shopping!

The Best Love Stories

I did this little photo session with Love stories in mind, but along the way to writing it, a recent hit song hijacked my topic a little.  Maybe I'm behind the times, (at least I'm consistent on that point), but I just heard Miley Cyrus's new song, Flowers.  It's catchy, like many of her songs, and timely given it's about love and just in time for Valentine's Day, so I can see why it's topping the charts and all over social media videos.  Tis the season of love, after all.  Except love is exactly where the song falls short.  It's about a woman whose relationship ended and she feels sad, but then realizes that the greatest love she could ever have is with...herself?  Ew.  What a pathetic attempt to legitimize loneliness and self-absorption.

The end of a marriage or other committed relationship, in other words, a broken heart, is truly one of the most devastating things a person can experience.  Physically, psychologically, emotionally, the damage is extensive, and sometimes, we need to take time for ourselves to heal.  But we must never confuse egotism for healing or self absorption for love.  While this song may have just enough of a catchy tune to keep in on the charts for a while, it will ultimately fade away because it misses the entire meaning of love.  Flowers is all about the self, and if I may quote the greatest love story ever told, "Love is not self seeking."

As much as I'd like to think people wouldn't latch on to a message like Flowers, I've seen a rather unfortunate trend the last few years of single women on social media bragging about making their Valentine's Day all about themselves since they aren't in a romantic relationship.  Ok, ok, so you aren't in love and it's Valentine's Day.  That sucks and it's fine to make one all about yourself. But, all of them until (if?) you do meet someone to share your life with?  Sounds like the very best recipe for loneliness and an empty life to me.

The best love stories aren't about one person loving themselves.  I can't think of a single story worth reading with that plotline.  Rather, the very best stories are the ones where people love others more than themselves.  If you've had your heart broken, take some time to take care of yourself and heal, but then look outside yourself and your pain to find hope and love.  Love is the kind of thing that only grows the more you give it away.

Not only that, but when it comes to finding someone to share your life with, keep in mind that no one in the dating scene is looking for someone who is all about themselves, who actually says "I can buy myself flowers, have long talks with myself, and love myself better than you ever could."  Would you want to be with someone like that?  People on the hunt for their soulmate want someone who is kind and cares for others, who not only appreciates thoughtful gestures, but also makes a few of them too.

As someone who has had her heart broken and spent more than her fair share of Valentine's Days all alone and/or lonely, take my advice, the very best kind of love is the kind you give to others, expecting nothing in return.  Write your own love story, make it all about how much you gave, not how much you got and you cannot help but have the happiest of lives with the happiest of endings.

Shopping Info: Crimson Beach Day Dress from Selkie, Loafers from SheIn