Big Talk from Lil Kim: The Problem with Politics

I just love it when extremely rich people tell the rest of us stupid peasants how we should live, believe, think, and feel.  Semi-recently I saw a post by Selkie's founder, Kim, that caught my attention.  It read as follows:

Hi there! My name is Kim and I’m the founder, creative director and owner of the brand Selkie. I’m posting for those that might be new here and don’t know about the origins of this brand. This is a safe space. A space where we celebrate beauty in all forms, a place people might come to heal their inner child, where we celebrate art, ingenuity, and the beauty inside us all. No matter the pronoun, the gender, or the sexual orientation… we are here to celebrate loving yourself. I founded this brand based on my own deep beliefs and passions- in equality, feminism, rIghts and respect for LGBTQ folk! I am queer, pro choice, Pro pronouns, anti gun- and I believe guns should be banned, that fat phobia is a serious issue and should be fought, and that BLACK LIVES MATTER. If you don’t respect these important foundations of the brand you may unfollow or continue to follow silently. If you leave any unkind comments or degrade any of our Selk community, or if you use religion as a weapon you will be blocked immediately.

To those that rally in support of these issues know that you are treasured and I am always here, in the background, working to help keep you safe.

Anytime a company decides to put their "politics" out there, I have to stifle my gag reflex.  I particularly love how Kim refers to her brand as a "safe space."  It's safe for everyone who agrees with her and not for anyone else. Retail brands should Not be "safe spaces." They should be neutral zones where it doesn't matter who you are or what you believe.  In fact, no one should even question what you believe, because all are welcome; that's what safety truly looks like.  Companies will jump on whatever political platform they think will make them the most money and on the off chance they do actually have some philosophy, they always seem to go after people's religion, speech, and various other very personal things and almost always miss the mark on what's actually important.  

Do you know what Selkie's only philosophical goal should be?  To make their customers feel beautiful.  That's it.  Kim's personal politics should be as irrelevant as her customers' politics if she truly wanted to create a safe and inclusive space.  It is, quite frankly, extremely off-putting to the point that I have been contemplating whether or not I want to buy from them anymore for the past few months.  Never mind the sizing and quality issues.  Never mind that they "over sell" items so often that they must have sea slugs in charge of their inventory.  Never mind the horrific shipping delays, and dodgy customer service.  Never mind all the duties and import fees.  I've quietly tolerated all of it.  But, here we are, and Kim has just given off a pretty long list of people she loves and supports right alongside a list of people she hates and rejects.  Kim and her company are free to think whatever they want and enjoy all their wealth, just DON'T TELL ME I HAVE TO AGREE WITH YOU OR ELSE.

The fact is, I don't care what Kim believes; I care about what she makes.  She's free to love and support whomever she chooses and she can even do so with company profits and I won't say a word, but the idea that she's willing to marginalize and ostracize others in the name of what?  Peace and tolerance?  Oh, the obvious hypocrisy!  It's funny how being inclusive means excluding so many people and how often "Peace and Tolerance" come with the ultimatum, "or else!"  So, after several months of consideration, I think I'm going to take Kim's advice and take my leave of her brand.  Just like I've taken my leave of every other shop that decided to play politics.  She wants to exclude people?  Well then, me first!

Let's not forget that this brand gained attention by charging a small fortune to make adult women look like sexy toddlers in dresses with zippers that break within a few uses, a brand that while claiming to be "earth conscious" makes clothes out of the cheapest fabric that causes so much pollution in a country that has no standards for human rights, let alone workers' rights or clean production and that was actively committing genocide all while Kim was riding on her moral high horse about doing business with them.  And the real cherry on this complete lack of sundae is Selkie claiming to be a safe space to marginalized people who are looking to heal their inner child only to then require that all must blindly agree with you and you'll reject or silence anyone who doesn't.  Do you know which other group touts that same mantra?  Cults and cults are the epitome of weaponized religion. It's all so gross, I've completely fallen out of love with this brand.

I still love the prints, but there has to be a way to get them on clothes that are better quality, designed to fit real women's bodies, don't use highly predatory marketing methods, and don't cost an arm, a leg, and your immortal soul.   I'd like to think that I will be able to continue wearing my Selkies with no resentment and look back at the photos I've taken in them with no remorse, but only time will tell.  For the present, I need a break or a break-up and the best part of it is that there won't be any hard feelings because Kim told me to leave if I couldn't fall in line, so I'm leaving for a little while or forever, she doesn't care.

Citrus Trip

Well, well, the very last on my Selkie ISO list is now sitting safely in my closet, waiting to be taken in at the waist and let out at the sleeves, but first photos.  That's right, I finally snagged this flower-power Selkie Citrus Trip Day Dress on Posh for a song.  It's one size too big and I hate these stupid sleeves, but I can fix all that and then, I think I am kind of done with Selkie.  More on that to follow soon.

As a child of the early 80s, our home was very much 70s styled and as my parents had no money, they kept and continued wearing all their 70s clothes well into the mid to late 80s, and this identical print featured on something my mom owned, except instead of these pastels, the colors were burnt orange, olive green, and white.  

I never loved the colors on that thing, whatever it was, like her high school folder or something, but I did always love that bombardment of flowers in the print.  Also, the silly sleeves are totally a 70s staple and remind me of my mom's homecoming dresses from the late 70s, which, yes, I still have and really should break out for the blog sometime for comparison.

In the meantime, I have some sewing to do on this little beauty to really make it mine and just as a little tip here, my hairstyle is the just got outta bed look that I usually rock on Sunday mornings.  I spritz my dry hair with Lottabody setting lotion and then do a simple twist, secure both twist together with an elastic  and go to bed.  In the morning my hair is dry and has nice loose waves once I get around to untwisting them. 

I guess it is finally time we address the stylish elephant in the room and talk about my Selkie issues, so that will be discussed in an upcoming post.

Shopping Info:  Shoes from VIVAIA, Dress by Selkie

The Farm Report

It's been a while since I did a post entirely devoted to the progress and activities of our farm, so today's post is entirely devoted to the homestead.  This summer has brought us so much, a bounty of everything from activity to new life.  And as tired as I am, I am also grateful for it.

For the past few years I have sprinkled sunflower seeds around the yard and this year, after having given up on ever seeing these light-craving creatures succeed in my shady yard, two bloomed right next to each other and I basked in their glow while they lasted, then let them drop their seeds in this sufficiently sunny spot hoping there will be more next year.

Mr. Bleu and I made great strides on building our greenhouse/conservatory through June and mid July, but as the days got hotter earlier, and all these blasted rocks never got any lighter, we decided to put it on hold until things cool off a bit.  It's a solid start to the foundation, and yes, we did haul each of these rocks up here from around the property, so I am excited to see how this goes and hopeful that the final project will match my vision.

We moved our garden spot this year to allow the previous place to rest and replenish and we experienced quite a bounty harvest in butternut squash, cucumbers, and tomatoes.

Funny thing is, I don't really like butternut squash, so I am hopeful that many of the people in my life will either like them or be interested in trying them so that I may share this abundance I have rather than trying to find a place to cold store them for the winter.

As much as I have enjoyed the summer, I don't think I could ever match the exuberance of my flock of chickens.  They have to winter in their coop to keep them safe from the various crafty predators that roam these woods, so when summer comes, they run and stretch their wings with vigor each morning, glad to have plenty of space and fresh scratching ground.

For me it is more of a chore to try to find their eggs around the yard.  This year their favorite spot has been underneath the cilantro.

Our attempts at hatching chicks were less successful than we had hoped.  Although we did manage to hatch eight from the first batch and then a second batch that only yielded two chicks,  those silly first eight birds including this adorable little satin hen, were all gobbled up by something or other forcing us to return them to their coop before summer ended this year.

The piglets all found good homes and it was quite an adventure to capture them all, but they were eating more than we could afford and it was to the point of either feed them or feed us.  I think we made the right call.  The two chicks that survived the predators did so because they took up residence with the pigs, even sleeping between the adults at night and scratching for their daily grain while hiding under the female like she was an enormous mama hen.  I was surprised that the pigs seemed right at home with the chicks, but they all got along quite well and even now, spend most of their time together.  If only I'd known we had guard-pigs, I would have put all the chicks in there with them.

One last small triumph to report is that the chicory that I dug up from the roadside two years ago has finally taken root and produced lovely blooms in my herb garden all summer long.  

I love watching them bloom in the mornings because they change so quickly.  These photos were taken just minutes apart, but you can see how they go from buds to blossoms almost instantly.

That's all to report on the farm, I suppose.  It doesn't take up much room here on the blog, but oh my it certainly has filled our lives this summer to watch it all unfold.

So It Begins

I'm officially announcing a little hiatus from fashion posts.  I am caught up on all my collaborations and deliberately haven't entered into any new ones so that I can have a little break to declutter, reorganize, and revamp my life and my living space.  There will still be some here and there, but I have a new project I am working on at the moment and I am so excited about it it's consuming all my creative energy.  In fact, I don't really want to leave my home for any reason at the moment, including work, grocery shopping, and yes, fashion photos.  Alas, work and food are necessary and fashion is not.

If you saw my post about repainting an old cedar closet, you probably already know that I am in the redecorating, or rather finally decorating, mood.  Mr. Bleu and I have decided to do some home renovations as well.

Mr. Bleu grew up in a family of worker ants.  He often remarked about how he would leave on Friday to spend the night at a friend's house and when he came home on Sunday there was a new deck, landscaping, or a stone walkway.  I grew up in a family of whatever the complete opposite of ants is.  Grasshoppers, I guess.  My parents built a house and moved in before it was completely finished.  So, it just never got finished.  There was no framing, no trim, no baseboards or molding, no paint.  Just white on sheetrock.  The carpets were more like giant hideous rugs, because there was no padding under them and they weren't tacked down.  We had no doors on anything including the bathrooms.  That created some interesting moments, to say the least.  And that's just how we did things.  

While Mr. B and I have have done some fixing up in the houses we have lived in over the years, nothing quite like this.  I am notoriously ambitious and I only hope I have the patience to do all the prep work and see it all through properly.  Living with shoddy work, especially when it's my own shoddy work, it like having an itch you can never scratch.  So, I am trying to plan and prep and pace myself so we can do this right.

My oldest daughter recently paused and looked around at my progress and then asked, "mom, are you dying?...or having midlife crisis or something?"  If I were dying I would take a trip to Europe not fix up a crummy house I'd never get to live in, and I prefer to think of it as a midlife breakthrough, so I am excited to get started and we shall see where all this leads.

Family Affairs

The older I get the more I realize that family is the most important thing.  Family is here to support and protect each other, not use and manipulate.  And not to totally abandon if they say a word or support a cause you don't like.  Pronouns are pretty meaningless when you need a hand to hold during chemo.  Political parties fall by the wayside when you've been in a wreck and need a hug and a ride home.  Families are what last.  Families are what matter.

It feels like American culture looks down on people who live and work with extended family.  I get that those roots are in colonialism and westward expansion, both of which involved people leaving behind their loved ones to forge their own path.  While there is something to be said for the spirit of the pioneer, there's also something to be said for people who value and cling to family ties.

Why spend your life building anything that will only break down once you are gone?  The only reason to pour yourself into hard work and goals are so that your children will use them as a platform for their success and their children and their children and their children.  But in all our pioneering, we've lost that, we even fear it.  The term "nepo-baby" is said so derisively and no one wants to be accused of getting help from family, no wonder no one in this country is really doing anything.

We're all so fiercely independent that we're easy prey for scammers, easy victims of debt and disappointment and none of us have enough time to get where we want because most of us just can't build an empire in only 75 years.  Forget the world, it's out to destroy you.  Love your family, care what they think.  Stay close to your family and be a great spouse, child, parent, grandchild, grandparent yourself.  Build something that will help the generations that come after you.  That is all.

Shopping Info:  Dress by Family Affairs.

Monet More Ways

This little dress garnered so much attention the last time I wore it that I thought it was only fitting that I wear it again styled another way.  In my last post, which you can see here, I wore it with a hot pink cardi and flats.  But there are so many colors in this dress, I wanted to mix it up a little.

It never ceases to amaze me how colors shine.  You add a pink cardi and suddenly the pink in the print pops!  You add emerald heels from NEWBELLA and suddenly the greens spring to attention.

Throw in a hot pink petticoat and a blushing pink BOSTANTEN bag and everything comes together in the perfect composition.

I don't think I even need to say more.  I'll just let the colors speak for themselves.

Shopping Info:  Stiletto Y2K & Date Heels-$64.90  from NEWBELLA  

Use my code BLEU to save 18% off your purchase.  Bostanten Leather Crossbody Satchel Bag-$89, Use this link to get 15% OFF for Bostanten Handbags

The Summer I Never Turned Pretty

I recently saw a title on the new release list called, The Summer I Turned Pretty.  My heart sank a little as I looked at the cover and saw a beautiful girl, clearly the envy of every other girl and most definitely every girl who was ever mean to her, flanked by two mesmerized boys. (Full disclosure, I have no idea what the story is actually about; I am 100% judging it by its cover.)  I totally get why girls eat this kind of story up, because I was once one of them.

  

I kept waiting for it: THE glow-up.  I kept waiting to go away for the summer and return to school looking so beautiful that no one recognized me.  I guess I watched too many Disney movies or read too many teen books, because I just knew, fully expected, that one magical summer, I would leave school a duckling and return a swan.  I waited.  And waited.  And waited.  And each year I returned from summer still looking the same, still looking like me.  I got a little shyer and a little shyer thinking if I could just wait long enough and hide long enough, eventually I would transform.

To save you the three part novel series, I never turned pretty.  Nope, just kept right on looking like me only older and slightly taller.  Never got the overnight wow-body.  Never got the derpy-to-dream-girl face.  Just didn't.  And, I remember when I realized that the glow-up just wasn't going to happen, that I was in fact fully grown and wouldn't be going through anymore big changes.  This was it.  This was me.  I was 18, school was over, and I was disappointed.  Then I was resigned.  Then I was kind of bitter.  Actually I remember thinking that if I couldn't be the pretty girl I could at least be the smart girl.  (Although how smart could I have possibly been if I didn't realize that beautiful people can also be smart and smart people can also be beautiful.)

So, I went along that way for several years, being the plain girl who got straight A's and always had a sarcastic or witty come-back, usually said under her breath because she was too shy to speak up.  No one noticed me and I wasn't surprised.  I felt generally disappointed with myself and the way life was going.  I was waiting to magically transform into something or someone and it didn't happen.  I had no control over that.  And I went along that way until I met a woman who became a role model for me.  I don't know her name, but when she walked into my literature class, every head turned, including mine.  

It was my third year in university and I was still the duckling, still searching.  Then I saw her.  This girl had every guy wanting her and every girl wanting to be her and she was completely oblivious to all of it because she was just living life on her terms.  But, here's the thing that struck me the most--she wasn't pretty.  She went to the gym and had an amazing body to show for it.  She wore clothes that looked absolutely amazing on her and showed off all that hard work in just the right way.  Her hair was always styled, makeup and nails always done.  And her posture!  I don't even notice posture unless it's really good or really bad (ahem, Maggie Gyllenhaal) and believe me when I say, this girl was the whole package.  But, she wasn't pretty.  When I examined her features, and I did because I was as mesmerized as those two teen boys on that book cover, I realized that her features were not what was so lovely about her.

To be honest, and I say this with absolutely no malice, her features were plain to the point of homeliness.  What took her from average to owning the room was the amount of effort she put into her appearance and her life and the way it made her feel about herself.  She was lovely.  A kind person, a determined person, an interesting person.  She played up her best features, down played her flaws and worked hard at molding all she had been given into its best version.  She did the things within her control and those were things I had control over too.

The sum total of what I learned in that literature class has been lost to the ages, but what I learned from that woman I have carried with me, and it is this:  Nearly every person on the planet is a solid 7 if they put in the effort to look nice and be nice.  It is the effort that you do (or don't) put into not just your appearance but everything in your life that will determine how far up or down the scale you move.  So, don't sit around waiting to magically transform into the kind of person or having the kind of life you desire.  Dreams don't come true all on their own.  Put in the work and make the most of what you were given.  There never was a summer I turned pretty, but there was a time when I got healthy and strong, got stylish, got happy with my myself and it happened because I worked to make it happen.  And you can too.

The Perfect Summer Maxi Dress

I may have  mentioned it a time or two, but I feel like my style is changing.  This year I have noticed a real shift in the styles I find comfortable.  I've gone from whimsical prints to much more classical chic.  Everything has been cotton and longer, all of my skirts and dresses have gotten longer.

One thing I have learned from this style evolution is that long dresses can be kind of tricky.  Sometimes one's figure gets swallowed in all that extra fabric.  That's why it's important to choose a print that is bold but not overwhelming, and to be certain that the dress is fitted in all the right spots.

I love this EBULLIENT RED FLOWER PRINTED MAXI DRESS  from ChicWish because it checks all those style boxes.  The print is so bright and lovely, perfect for summer, but it is also light and airy and floats when I walk.

With two snaps on the bodice front and a smocked elastic waist, this dress creates a chic silhouette that fits my waist and bust and doesn't make me feel like I have disappeared in it.  Even though this dress has a summer vibe, I know it will look great with a nice chunky cardigan.  I know this because it's already styled and hanging up, ready to wear to work tomorrow.

Style, like everything else, is always changing.  ChicWish has made it ever so much easier to find comfortable, beautiful pieces for a polished look.

Shopping Info:  EBULLIENT RED FLOWER PRINTED MAXI DRESS-$59.90 FROM CHICWISH, Ballet Flats-$53 from NewBella