As Summer Slips Away

It's the saddest feeling of the year, the moment when I realize that summer is already half way over and it's slipping away from me again.  I suppose in an eastern sense, it is not the end of summer but the beginning as summer leads to autumn-winter-spring and then summer again, but I can't help but wish it could last just a little longer.

This summer has been a blur, and not the enjoyable kind in which we pass our days in a dreamy haze of lemonade and swim parties.  The not-so-pleasant kind in which everyone is working, rushing, hectic.  Sometimes I wish for another lockdown just so I could spend some time with my family.  Ok, ok, I know the lockdowns weren't great but as a longtime introvert and future shut-in, I felt like I was born for such a time and I loved having a purpose and goal to each day with my loved ones all around me.  And, to be quite honest, I wasn't really afraid.

What I am afraid of is the end of summer in both the metaphorical and literal sense.  I dread another winter as it feels like we just did that whole schtick!  And I dread the end of this part of my life, the summer of it, when my children are still children and they come home to me at the end of each day and they're happy and hopeful, looking forward to what they'll grow up to be.  I am afraid, because I feel that it's already over and I am just now realizing it.

I am of two schools of thought, I suppose.  The one that says I should find beauty in each passing season instead of being eternally in love with the summer, and the one that says the hardest things about the "good times" is that we don't know they are the good times until we're looking back.  And believe me when I say that lately I am doing a lot of looking back.

It's been a rough few years, I won't go into the details, but seeing the phrase, "two teenagers" should be enough to give you an idea of what's been going on.  Truth be told, I have been so busy surviving not only my own trauma but all my teenagers anger (most often directed at me) and drama (most often unloaded on me so I can lay awake and worry all night) that I haven't been doing much actual living.

Summer by summer, they have all slipped by me and now another summer is passing away.  One child graduated and moving on to her "real life."  Another child with so little left of this leg of the journey, and I feel like I have barely been a part of it and yet will never be so significant to her again.  Hmm.  It's a lot to take in.  I suppose that's why hot summer days are so good for being still and thinking.  And I suppose in the end, I have no control over the seasons--metaphorical or literal--so I should just sit back and try to enjoy it as much as I can while it lasts. 

Shopping Info:  Emily and Fin swimmer dress is old.