A Predictable Relapse

I splurged this week, and How!  I saw this cute little Bernie Dexter from ten years ago that is rare and the fabric also is rare since I only found one seller that had any and was asking $30/yard for it.  So, I started saving and just as I reached the amount I needed, both the sellers in possession of this particular dress went on vacation.  ARGH, the agony of waiting weeks and weeks for them to come back.  But, while I waited I kept on saving and finally one seller returned and I could bear it no longer.  Not only did I buy the Bernie dress, but I also blew through all my savings for the past month in a shopping splurge the likes of which I have not committed in.......well, I don't remember, but I think it's been at least a year.  The timeframe doesn't matter; I'm a little disappointed in myself.  Not because I splurged so much as because I didn't see it coming in time to stop it.

 

Truth be told, it wasn't the delayed gratification of waiting to buy the Bernie dress that triggered my relapse, it was the tremendous amount of stress I've been under for the past month.  Mr. Bleu is back in school so everything related to the house, kids, and pets I'm left to deal with alone.  Which used to be my whole job, I was a stay-at-home mom, and I did it very well---it was still super stressful though and I had a pretty big shopping addiction to deal with it back then too.  The main difference now is that I also work a job which oscillates between delightfully serene and intensely demanding.  Summer is my most stressful time at my job for all the events and projects I do then.  Add to that fact that I am usually covering for co-workers on vacation and it's a lot.  I should have seen this little relapse coming.

Looking back over the past month, I can see myself checking every box on the FASTER Scale for relapse.  

• Forgetting priorities (like exercising and prayer time) 
• Anxiety (I've had quite a few sleepless nights worrying about work and the whole world)
• Speeding Up (trying to outrun the anxiety and impending depression)
• Ticked Off (this is usually seen as trying to incite arguments to get a rush off the rage.  I don't think I've incited many arguments, but I live in a house with teens so someone's usually yelling at me about something and perhaps I've been engaging more than usual)
• Exhausted (my insomnia has been out of control and I am tired all the time.  Those long nights often lead to depression.)
• Relapse (and here we are, back at a place I don't want to be)
• https://www.cru.org/content/dam/cru/train-and-grow/life-and-relationships/flesh-series-the-faster-scale.pdf

Relapse--a return in any degree to the bad habit or addiction one is trying to escape--is something to be ever vigilant about because it is a constant possibility for years after dealing with an addiction and possibly for life.  I wasn't being vigilant; I let myself get too tired and too stressed.  It happens.  I'm not going to beat myself up about it.  The best thing to do is just to acknowledge it and get right back to keeping it in check.  There isn't much help out there for shopping addiction, but main thing that helped me stop my mindless shopping was to focus on one particular thing that I wanted and save up for just that.  At the moment I'm in between savings goals, but I suppose I could just set a goal to save some money.  After all, the holidays are just around the corner and Teuta Matoshi is rumored to have some good holiday sales.

As far as today's outfit goes, I've been looking for something a little different for my wear-to-work attire.  I've been doing vintage dresses for a long time and sometimes I want something a little less whimsical elf and a little more edgy.  I don't know if this fits the bill, but I like it.  I still love a mini dress with leggings and the booties are just the right touch because flats would be too tame and regular heels would be too goody-goody.  The top was thrifted and the heels and leggings are things I had on-hand.  Shopping addiction is a real thing and even though today's not the day, it's something I'd like to discuss more in-depth here on the blog in the coming months as I finally feel myself becoming more and more free from it.  

Shopping Info:  Free People Tunic, FemmeLuxe Trousers, BCBG Heels