The Hidden Cost of My Clothes

I have dedicated a post or two to talking about how I afford my pretty dresses, but just in case you've missed them I'll sum it up for you.  In a nutshell, I buy my pretty dresses by working extra hours and then saving that money so that I'll have it to spend when something I love comes along.  So far it was worked beautifully.  My bills are always paid, my family and farm have all their needs met, and I get a few pretty things that I want.  If there is a downside, which I have mentioned but not gone really in-depth about it is the physical and mental toll the overtime takes on me. 

Every year my city, like so many others, hosts a fall festival and over the course of those two weeks I work an average of 136 hours.  That's two 40 hour weeks plus and additional 56 hours of overtime with not a single day off for fourteen days straight.  It is challenging, worthy, grueling and exhausting. I typically get sick within a week or two after the festival and have to take a few days of leave, which is why I just started planning on taking a few vacation days afterward so that I can rest and hopefully get ahead of any illness.  I thought it was working this year.  I put in more hours than ever before (and just in time for the Selkie Fall collection!) and then had the most amazing restful three days of vacation with Mr. Bleu.  The following week I jumped into my morning at home, getting everything cleaned and straightened (no one did it while I was working and vacationing) and at 11:00 a.m. I felt tired and sat down for a few minutes.  That's when I noticed a dizzy feeling.  

I have had issues with my blood sugar since I was a teen and know when it's crashing and I need to eat, so I stood up to get some lunch and nearly fell down.  I carefully made my way into the kitchen and made a high protein, high fat lunch.  After eating, I sat on the couch but the dizziness only became worse.  Nausea followed as the room was spinning so fast I fell down trying to walk from the living room to my bed.  I texted my mom to let her know that I felt strange and to call me in an hour or so after I tried to sleep.  For the rest of the afternoon I laid in bed with my eyes closed, trying to be as still as possible, but the room was spinning even with my eyes shut.  The dizziness continued for three more days, though less severe each day, and no other symptoms followed.  I did a lot of resting during that time and since I never had anything else happen, no fever, no pain, nada I tried not to worry.  A few days later I had a day off from work and I took three naps.  I DETEST naps, but I needed them so I did it.  Still not having any other symptoms, I had to chalk all of this up to exhaustion.

That was two weeks ago and I've been doing a little more each day until I felt like life was back to normal.  Then, two evenings ago, after a particularly stressful day, the dizziness returned.  It wasn't nearly as severe, but it was enough that I went to bed at 7:30 p.m. and slept 11 hours.  I got up the next day feeling normal, but I am certain my body is trying to tell me that I haven't recovered yet and I need to slow down a little. I definitely believe that one part of aging is "mind over matter" and "you are only as old as you feel."  However, the other part is that you are older no matter how you feel and you just can't do everything you did when you were 20 and recover as quickly.  Personally I wasn't even that good at recovering when I was 20.  Each year during the festival and at every other opportunity to cover extra shifts for my co workers throughout the year, I have jumped on board and given it everything I've got.  But this year, not just during the festival but all year, I haven't had the interest or the energy.  Maybe I finally feel like I have enough pretty dresses and I'm getting more selective about what I invest in.  Maybe it's just part of being over 40.  Maybe it's because there's so much inflation and price increases out there that I'm working harder and able to buy less, so what's the point.  I live in a state that just raised minimum wage, so after 6 years, I now make almost the same as the people we just hired on.  And, no, my company will not be giving out cost-of-living raises, I already asked.  So, if I'm working harder to earn dollars that buy less and it's costing me my health, why do it?  

Well, I love pretty dresses and probably always will.  But, as much as I love them, I recognize that they're not worth compromising my health.  So, I'm taking a day off today to just rest and go absolutely nowhere and do absolutely nothing.  Moving forward, I'll probably never give up my dress obsession, but I'm going to be more selective about what I save up for so that buying gorgeous gowns doesn't cost me more than just my time and money.  Buying pretty dresses is not a part of self-care after all, it's self-indulgence, which I'm not opposed to in moderation.  But, true self-care means taking time for yourself to rest and be refreshed, to exercise and eat well, and find your peace in all the chaos.  In my next post, we'll talk a little more about the importance of self-care, but right now, I'm due for a soak in a hot mineral bath and then a long nap.