Beauty at Any Age

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“I don't believe in aging. I believe in forever altering one's aspect to the sun.”

- Virginia Woolf

It's almost that time of year again, when I turn over another year on the calendar. And once again I find myself stumbling across Facebook photos of yet another of my 40-something friends who has opted for plastic surgery rather than accept her age. Am I crazy to think we can and should age a little more naturally? I'm always a little disappointed when I see this because I was looking at them to be my example and show me how to have grace and class without desperately giving in to the pressure to be forever-young. But they always do, especially in their 40s. And the result is not usually someone who looks much younger, but rather someone who's trying to seem like they are younger and it's pitiable rather than enviable.

The 40s seem to be that in-between phase where women still feel young and vivacious but are considered "old" by society. They're told they are no longer relevant, attractive, desirable, etc. while at the same time many of them have daughters who are just beginning to get attention and it can create rivalries (which is basically the entire premise of that sad show Cougar Town). As someone who started going gray at seven years old and is now as salt and peppery as a venerable grandmother, I understand not wanting to look old before your time. And I'm all for spending quality time on your appearance at every age. It's part of self-care. A stylish wardrobe, a little make-up, a little color on your hair and a little Photo Shop smoothing tool in your photos, those are all good things, but at a certain point people take it too far and it stops looking nice and begins looing freakish. When a person reaches a certain ratio of gray hair, there's just no amount of highlighting that can cover it. There's only so much smoothing you can do in Photo shop before it begins to look plastic. There has to be some measure of acceptance to aging and even better if it can be joyfully embraced. So, let's talk about aging a a few things that you can do at whatever age you currently are to skip the scalpel and age naturally and gracefully. *throughout this post you're going to see links which will take you to articles and studies about each topic for further reading.

7. Eat Well. Having homeschooled my children and then worked at their school I used this analogy often: Your body is a house that you're building. If you use cheap junky materials you're going to have a cheap junky product. If you use high quality materials you're going to have a strong solid house. Put healthy foods into your body, plenty of protein from meat and fish for muscle building vitamins, fruits and vegetables for vitamins and fiber, and whole grain carbohydrates for energy, and healthy fats are so good for you. Save the refined carbohydrates and sugar for occasional treats. Unfortunately the opposite is usually true of our diets in this country. Most of our calories come from sugar and refined carbs which leads to a host of health problems in the long term like diabetes, gallstones, estrogen imbalance, etc. Poor diet can also lead to poor sleep.

6. Sleep Well. Sleeping well sets you up for aging well as studies have shown that getting enough quality sleep each night puts you at a reduced risk of things like cancer, heart attack, depression, weight gain, and the list goes on. During sleep your body is repairing itself outside and inside, keeping your immune system healthy and better able to fight off illness. Studies have also shown that this is also the time when your brain is flushing toxins which probably why sleeping well improves memory and reduces depression. As someone who has struggled with insomnia for most of her life, I've become a bit of a self-taught expert at relaxation techniques and optimal bedtime routines, both of which are important for a good night's sleep. One of the best ways to improve your quality of sleep is to get plenty of exercise.

5. Exercise. Exercise has been shown to increase the amount of deep sleep a person gets and deep sleep is when most of the body's restoration occurs. Beyond an improved quality of sleep, exercise reduces stress, anxiety, depression--all of which can cause you to age quickly--, and contributes to healthy weight maintenance. Think of it, depression and anxiety can be managed without expensive prescriptions that carry dangerous side effects. Exercise is free and the only side effects are weight loss and better sleep. Exercise also promotes better circulation which makes your skin healthier and look younger.

4. Skin Care. If you don't have a skin care regimen, Get One and then stick to it daily for the rest of your life. Skin care should be like brushing your teeth and showering, it's just something you do daily as part of your self-care routine. Keep in mind that your routine and the products you use should change each decade or so. I've been using Mary Kay since I was in my early 20s and one of the things I love about it is that they have a different line for each phase of life. I'm soon to start my nightly retinol + skin milk creams since I'm beginning to have fine lines and wrinkles. It's also important to apply skin creams not just to your face but also to your neck, chest, and hands, and anywhere that gets tons of sun exposure. Don't avoid the sun, just plan on it with before and after care products.

3. Socialize. We need people in our lives. I don't know if it's the mid-west, or America in general, but it's like pulling teeth to get people here to leave their houses for any reason. I've been stood up more times for lunch dates in the past few years living here than I have in all the other years of my life combined. It's harder than ever to tear people away from their computers and phones for real conversation and interaction. The thing is this: we're social creatures; we need each other. Studies have shown that having an active social life adds quality and quantity to your life. You'll live a better life and live it for longer when you have close family and friendships than if you sit at home alone.

2. Keep Learning. Learning new skills and trying new things is exercise for your brain. At a certain point most people lose interest in keeping up with the times, but that can be detrimental to your health. By trying new things, you're using more of your brain and creating new connections as well. And keep in mind that hands on skills are far, far better than anything digital, so a video game habit just won't do the trick. Plus, trying new things is really fun, especially when you make it a social event.

1. Forgive Daily. This one is truly the number one thing that you can do. Forgiving people who've hurt you, forgiving yourself, letting go of circumstances beyond your control; all of these things lead to less stress, less anger, depression, and anxiety, better sleep, and better relationships. All of that aggression, stress, and resentment lead to premature aging and a reduced quality of life. In other words, you'll wear that bitterness on your face. Forgiveness does more than just improve your health; it sets you free. And, it's something you should do at the end of each day to keep your heart and your mind free of bitterness. Make forgiving people, including yourself part of your nightly routine and you'll soon see a huge difference in how well you sleep and your outlook on life.

While I think that there are times when surgery can be a very good thing for a person's self esteem, more often that not, it is a desperate attempt to delay the inevitable or deny reality. And, I do understand the pressure on women in particular to stay young and beautiful forever. My dear reader, I want you to know that your beauty doesn't come from a number. Beauty is not your age, your weight, or your cup size. True beauty comes from a joyful, healthy life that is lived to the fullest and all of these steps will help you live your best and happiest life.