This post is coming a little late, but I wanted to take a moment to talk about Mother's Day. Suddenly, Mother's Day has become one of those holidays that desperate people are trying to make all-inclusive, all-encompassing, and in doing so, they rob it of any meaning or significance. Over the Mother's Day weekend I saw multiple posts pop up in my feed about how we shouldn't say Happy Mother's Day or post photos of our families doing nice things for us, because we don't want to offend women who, for whatever reason, whether within their control or beyond it, are not mothers. I also saw ads that desperately attempted to completely commercialize this holiday (as if the commercialization of Christmas & Valentine's Day wasn't enough). The ads said, send mom quick cash for mother's day, and buy mom lingerie for mother's day, and featured products geared toward "Pet mamas" and "Plant mamas," etc, etc. It's so absurd, and important to keep in mind that most of this is due to the advertisers creating these things to make more money. Moms don't want cash or undies for Mother's Day. What they would really love is their family thinking of them and giving them their undivided attention for an afternoon; I'm sure they'll love that more than anything material.
In some ways I understand the need to exercise some control in our lives. Holidays like Valentine's Day and Mother's Day have an element of powerlessness to them and that makes us feel very vulnerable. We must have certain relationships in place, (romantic for Valentines, and familial for Mother's Day) in order to take part. We are then dependent on others to express feelings for us and make gestures of love. And if those conditions are not met, we feel left out, rejected. So, in order to feel in-control people create "Galentine's Day" and "Self-Love Valentine's Day," and now "Happy Mother's Day to Plant Mamas and Pet Mamas" so that everyone feels included. But these holidays aren't about inclusivity. They are by their very nature exclusive. They take a certain thing, like being a mother, and set it apart in order to celebrate it.
Not only does all-inclusivity rob the meaning from those holidays, but it adds no real value to the lives of those who in engage in it. The thing is, in doing this, they're really only exposing themselves as being unfulfilled and insecure. While it is true that there are people who will try to lord over you what they have and you don't, it's also true that if you don't want what they have, it won't bother you when they act like jerks and try to hold it over your head. If people weren't insecure, they wouldn't be offended or feel rejected on a day not intended for them, in the way that I don't feel hurt when no one gives me a tree on Arbor Day because I do my own gardening, but also because I don't care about Arbor Day.
This co-opting of a sacred term for menial purposes is insulting to every woman who has ever been in the trenches of pregnancy, the adoption process, and child raising. It's akin to walking up to a WWII veteran who landed on the beaches of Normandy and saw most of his friends and fellow soldiers gunned down and saying, "I hear ya, man, I had a big argument on twitter and won, so I know exactly what you went through. I'm a meme war veteran." You see how laughable the comparison is.
I never minded celebrating Mother's Day even though I wasn't a mother until I reached a certain age, was in a committed relationship, and suddenly wanted to have a family. Then each year that passed without children was slightly remorseful to me on that day, and it didn't help when I went out with a big family group to celebrate all the moms and we all wished everyone happy mother's day. A certain grandmother turned, looked directly at me and loudly said, "Yes, Happy Mother's Day,.....well, to those of us who are mothers." I was the only female present who had never had children. (2 Fun Facts: 1. My grandmother and I are not close, can you tell? 2. Growing up, she made me cry a lot.) That moment, the intention behind those words from someone who chose to be cruel, hurt a little, but was really part for the course in our relationship. What really hurt was the attention drawn to the fact that I wanted a family and didn't have one yet. I wasn't even very close at that point and I had to think about some things.
The hard truth is this: People who care for plants aren't mothers. People who care for pets aren't mothers. If you don't believe me, ask your plant or your dog if they will visit you in hospice care when you're 80 or hold your hand as you leave this life, or raise their own children with the memory of what you taught them and all you sacrificed. *spoiler: they won't. Mothers are mothers. Mother's Day is for mothers. And that is all. Valentine's Day is about celebrating love. You don't have to wait until you're in a romantic relationship to tell people how much you love them and celebrate the day, and you don't need a Galentine's Day to do it either. That may be over compensating. Love people and tell them so. If you're not a mother and want to be, work on that. If it's beyond your control, make peace with that.
Mother's day is for mother's and if you aren't one, deal with it and then make this holiday about other people, about celebrating the mothers, grandmothers, step-mothers, etc. in your life instead of celebrating yourself. Don't change the day until it loses all meaning, change yourself until you find the meaning in it all.
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