Confront Confrontation

This pretty little dress was quite troublesome. It has an amazing print, a price that can't be beat, and so much going for it except the awful empire waist. Rather than avoid the dress, I immediately planned to address its troublesome area and I'm so glad that I did because I would have regretted not having this dress in my wardrobe. While I wish that everything could always be perfect and never have any problems, if something as simple as clothing isn't this way, then all other matters in life surely won't be either.

If there is one guarantee in this life it is that troubles will find you, no matter how peaceably you try to live your life. Knowing that troubles are a certainty should make us more prepared to handle them when they arise and yet most of us are caught off guard by confrontation. While I don't enjoy conflict or confrontation, I have learned that it is best to meet most situations head on and as soon as possible.

Most people in this world do not like the thought of confrontation and seek desperately to avoid it. What they often find is that in their attempts to escape confrontation, they prolong discomfort, encourage tyranny, and become prisoners to their own fear and constant need to escape difficult situations. Confrontation is not something to be avoided. Before I tell you why confrontation should be embraced more often than avoided, let's briefly define confrontation.

If you think of confrontation as equivalent to fighting and fighting as equivalent to verbal or physical violence, this is where you've missed the mark on confrontation and likely why you are trying to avoid it. A better word for fight is argument since we may have a heated discussion that accomplishes much without the use or need for any kind of violence. Even so arguments, especially if you don't have much practice with them can be quite scary, but they actually perform a vital role in human relationships, not just romantic or familial relationships, but the way in which all humans relate to one another.

Notice how in the animal kingdom, offspring are trained at a young age on how to "fight," even training each other with a certain yowl that a bite was too hard. In this way their learn their own strength and the limits of others. Human beings need this as well although we do not always need to use physical force as much of the rest of nature does. While it's true that some confrontation leads to physical force, that's almost never the place to start and not a complete definition of confrontation. Confrontation is addressing a problem. While there are many routes to take here, the way in which you address the problem can, and should at least attempt to be, quite peaceful. Peaceful confrontation is as simple as saying, "we need to talk about X." Lay out your concerns, your questions, or your grievances and then work toward some resolutions, answers, and boundaries.

Unfortunately, there are people in this world that want control, power, chaos and they don't understand peaceful talks unless they are speaking to someone of equal power because with the exception of Jesus, no one gains power through peace. In such cases, there are only two options: assertive confrontation with the possibility of aggression, or repeated submission to an ever growing tyranny. And, the most demoralizing thing of all is that should you manage to quietly endure a petty tyrant long enough to see them topple, you will quickly find that nature hates a void and that empty position always and will almost immediately be filled by a new tyrant-in-training, have someone new to avoid and placate, and so the discomfort continues.

Would it not be better, before the petty tyrant becomes a full-blown tyrant, to address the issues as they come up and perhaps through these initial confrontations establish some strong healthy boundaries before this person gets out of control. And, if a peaceful solution (followed by an assertive solution if necessary) cannot be reached, then to walk away from the tyrant rather than to live under their ever-growing oppression? It sounds simple, because it is simple and yet, I watch most of the people I know continually living with the discomfort, the oppression, rather than speaking up because they're "not comfortable with" (read that as afraid of) confrontation. How do you overcome this fear? The same way you overcome most fears, confront it. Confront confrontation.

When you begin, try not to think of it in terms of winning or losing a "fight," but rather in learning something each time you address an issue. Learn to listen, learn to stand firm, learn when to strike and when to be still, when to empathize and when to resist manipulation. Start small and let it grow until you become comfortable speaking up, standing up, and dealing with issues instead of dodging them. Even though it isn't easy to get comfortable dealing with issues and people, it will be worth the effort to have these burdens over and done with, off your back, instead of carrying the weight of avoidance around with you at all times. Tackling the tough stuff is part of an honest and peaceful life. And if there is one thing I have learned it's that the sooner you deal with problems, the easier they tend to be solved.