Friends over Things

There are two kinds of people in this world"  Introverts and Extroverts.  While addictions can occur no matter what kind of person you are, there are some things in this world that seem to have a magnetic grip on one personality type or the other, and when it comes to shopping addiction, it does tend to favor introverts like me.  The reason, at it's very core, it quite simply that we struggle with relationships and often turn to things-clothes, collections, cars, etc- to meet that need in our lives.  It doesn't work of course, because only relationships can fill that space, but shopping isn't the only thing that can draw us in.

Shopping Addiction is like any other addiction in that it is a way to cope with the world and all of its stressors.  There are many, many things that when done in moderation are harmless and even beneficial in providing some stress release and comfort.  It's when they take first place in your life either due to physiological responses i.e. the risk/reward effect that provide our brains with that shot of dopamine or through addictive substances that our bodies form attachments to, that it all spirals into the harmfulness that can wreak havoc in our lives.

An acquaintance of mine just got her ?th tattoo.  It wasn't interesting, it wasn't special, it wasn't something she'd thought about and wanted for a long time.  It was random and meaningless, so I asked her why she got it and she replied, "Why not?"  This may not seem like a cause for concern, except, I know what's going on behind the scenes in her life.  She's been very isolated for several months and she recently broke up with her boyfriend, isolating herself further.  So, I asked her, "are you sure you're not doing this as a way of alleviating boredom and loneliness?"

She looked down for a moment, examining her motives perhaps for the first time and replied, "So what if I am?  It's not a big deal."  No, it's not a big deal, it's just not at all a solution to her problems.  The tattoo, much like my purchase of a new dress, makes me forget my woes for a day or two and then I'm right back to where I was before only slightly poorer and so the hunt for a dress has to begin again.

The best thing to do is to break the cycle.  Isolation is the perfect setting to indulge in bad behaviors, perhaps because we're ashamed of doing these things in front of others or perhaps because being alone gives us plenty of time to obsess.  Either way, the best way to avoid temptation is be social with people who are not engaged in and do not approve of the addiction you're trying to break or the behavior you wish to abstain from.

As you can see from these photos, I have been working on cutting back on spending my buying dupes instead of the real deal, it's the nicotine gum of the shopping addiction world.  I still get to search, spend, and acquire when I my stress levels are high, but I don't have the huge financial drain like I have with designer brands.  It's a crutch, but crutches are useful things from time to time.

Personally, if I don't want to shop at all, I get out there and interact with people.  Sometimes I go to my parents' house.  They live in the country with no cell service and no internet.  It's peaceful there, they always feed me well, and we're usually too busy talking for me to think about shopping.  That's a really specific example, but really any kind of socializing will do and I definitely look forward to my tea parties with friends way more than I do dresses.  The best part of it is that when our time together is over, the positive feelings last much longer and create a desire to repeat this healthy behavior.

While I won't say that there isn't a time and a place to get away from the world and the chaos and have a little peace, moderation in all things is a necessity and too much time alone often leads down an unhealthy path.  As crazy as it sounds, it's easier for an introvert to get a tattoo, spend all their money on ball gowns than it is to go out and have lunch with an old friend or make new friends.  It's harder, but it's also healthier in the long run than acquiring more stuff.

Shopping Info:  Floral Marie Dress Dupe