Red Flags & Rose Colored Glasses

 "When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags."  Bojack Horseman

I've never watched this Horseman show, don't really know anything about it, but that quote shows a lot of wisdom in its own simple way.  I always considered myself to be a very analytical, even cynical, jaded was also a term used to describe me by others, which is exactly how and why I could see every red flag coming a mile away in my work and acquaintances.  

And yet, as realistically as I saw the world, the outside world anyway, when it came to the small circle of people that I truly loved and trusted, I viewed them all through rose colored glasses.  And all the red flags just looked like regular flags.  And that, my friends, is how even the most sensible and guarded person can still get totally blindsided in her personal life.  

It's easy to stand on the outside of someone else's misfortune and say, "I can't believe she let that happen.  How did she miss the signs?"  People miss the signs, the red flags, the glaring and obvious truths staring them in the face, the same way that I did, we dismiss them because we view the person causing them or the world around us at its best.  We trust this person or this mean old world and don't suspect that people who claim to love us, not only don't love us back but are actually intentionally trying to harm us.  Who wants to go through life thinking that way about the people they love?  Certainly not me.  And yet, here we are.  So, if you're like me, and you did the thing that normal human beings do, you loved someone enough to trust them, and then you got hurt, you could go in the opposite extreme of your rose-colored innocence, and become bitter and suspicious of the whole world and everyone in it.  That's an option, and one I have personally seen far too many people embrace so they will feel safe from further harm, but I don't recommend it.  Bitterness is poison to your body and soul, and suspicion will exhaust you without ever brining you the things you want, which are love/acceptance, safety, and peace.  So, what's the alternative?

I often turn to the Bible for answers to tough questions and painful situations and I always find the answer.  In this particular situation, I found my answer here: “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." Matthew 10:16 NIV  You see, my friends, we are very unfortunately sheep among wolves.  (I am a sheep anyway, and I hope you are too, someone who lives their life as honestly as possible, trying to mind my own business and generally treat others with the kind of respect I would like to see in return.)  Sheep are the innocent and wolves are those who seek to prey on them, use and manipulate them, and leave them wounded or dying without a second thought.  Now that you know you are living among wolves, you must be as shrewd-calculating and sharp in your judgement-as a serpent and as innocent-morally guiltless-as a dove.  That sounds like a pretty tall order.  How do we ever walk that line?

It might look different for you, but for me, it means that I no longer assume the best of anyone (shrewd) but neither do I assume the worst (innocent).  I treat all the people in my life the same way.  Whether I love them, despise them, or don't know them at all, I assume that they are capable of both great kindness and infinite cruelty.  I hope for kindness, but prepare for cruelty.  I don't accuse without proof and I don't trust without verification.  My heart and actions are still moral, but no longer naïve.  None of this is a guarantee against getting hurt again, that's just a part of life, after all, but it does make it a little more difficult.  If that's the best I can do without losing my joy for living and turning into a bitter miserable person, I'll take it.