Shopping Successes

I started talking about my shopping struggles a few years ago, hoping that putting it out there would really give me some accountability or maybe even support.  Can you guess what happened instead?  People got nasty.  I shouldn't have been surprised, it's the internet after all, but it wasn't just the internet; it was in real life too.  To be fair, there were some who were supportive and encouraging, but that wasn't the end of it.  In fact, it was mostly real-life people, people who called themselves my friends, who were the first to draw blood.  Ah, people.  It's times like this that I really  can see why hoarders feel safer surrounded by towers of things rather than flesh and blood relationships.

What I learnded from that experience is this: be careful to whom you confide your stuggles.  Some people will want to help lift you up; others will use your vulnerability to gossip about you, criticise and destroy you.  I learned a long time ago that we all have problems, all of us struggle in some area, so even though it's not easy to be in the very vulnerable position of honesty about one's faults and failings, ultimately, it is a happier way to live than to be forever hiding things, but it still ok to be selective about whom we choose to reveal the honest truth about ourselves.  "That's none of your business," is a perfectly valid response to questions asked by people you do not fully trust.  To that end I realized that I haven't really talked much about what I have been doing with my struggles with shopping since then though and thought it was high time to delve into that subject once more.  

Over the past couple of years, I have tried a lot of different techniques to help me rein in my spending and haven't been 100% successful at any of them.  That's because I love clothes, like really, really love them.  Ever since I was a very little girl, in fact for as long as I can remember, I have wanted a collection of beautiful dresses.  Now I'm a collector, but there's nothing wrong with carefully curating one's collection.  I have learned that this is something I don't ever really want to let go of completely (God save me from the bland, beige, minimalist wardrobe!) but I can scale back.  I can also be kind to myself when I slip up or outright fail to refrane from spending.  

The main indicator for success at anything is when someone just keeps going, and keeps trying.  So, I keep trying and I can tell with each passing year and with every new attempt, I actually am making progress.  I have had times in my life where each day revolved around online shopping.  Now, I only indulge a few times per week and carefully track my spending.  I still spend more than I would like to, I wish the things I loved didn't cost so darn much, but they do.  

The best thing I can do, is to create a strategy for success that is firmly based in reality.  For example, a lot of the Decluttering and Minimalist Influencers talk about having a No-Buy Year.  And I thought about it, then I realized that for me, having a No-Buy Year would be like deciding to take up running by entering a marathon on day one.  I wouldn't make it; no one would.  You have to train and prepare for a long time to be ready for a marathon and someone who has spent a lot of time shopping can't just switch it off for a whole year cold-turkey.  I do think I might get there one day, but if I don't, that's ok too.   I'm only human, after all, just like those who support me and those who detract.

While I still get new things on a semi-regular basis, I have been trying to focus more on thrifted items in order to help me stay on my budget and I'm pleased to report that I've actually gone months at a time now without buying anything at all and that's huge because I wasn't white knuckling it the whole time, I just wasn't interested in buying anything.  I think the reason, more than anything, is that I am really just feeling at peace with myself right now, not out of control, guilt-ridden, or self-hating, but truly at peace with myself, faults and all including my spending, but also with my place in life, my job, the whole lot.  That is pretty amazing and it inspires me to keep going.

Outfit Info: Dear creatures dress thrifted from ThredUp