Denied

    Today was one of those days.  The kind where it seems like everything and everyone is somehow conspiring against you.  Stressful dreams haunted my sleep.  Sour creamer ruined my tea; sour attitudes from my children ruined the rest of the morning.  A call from the post office confirmed they'd lost a package of mine, something I'd been anxiously awaiting for weeks and when asked how I could "fix this" the best answer I got was something along the lines of "we'll look around and maybe it will turn up."  This day was not going well.  

    I sighed and opened my e-mail to find a big fat rejection letter sitting there at the very top of my list of new mail.  I knew what it was before I read it.  Someone out there had looked at my application, the sheer numbers of what I do, and impersonally replied, "No thanks."  Even though it wasn't intended to hurt, it still did.  Because what it felt like they were saying was, "You're not good enough."

    Whenever I receive a rejection in any form, I have to pause and consider whether or not it might be true.  We're a positive affirmation society.  We're constantly telling ourselves that "I'm perfect the way I am" and "it's their loss," but sometimes our positive affirmations need a reality check otherwise they just become denial.  The sad facts are these: 
1. No one is perfect just the way they are.  
2.  One's best isn't always good enough.  
3.  One may work harder than they're ever worked, harder than anyone they know, harder than anyone has ever worked or tried at anything in all of history....and still fail.

    So, after considering this rejection and all that it meant about my abilities, achievements and my general value as a human being, I had to agree with this company.  I'm just not good enough for them.  The silver lining to this decidedly dark cloud is that, it's ok not to be good enough.  I'll either work harder and get better or, knowing I've reached the ceiling in this area and I won't ever go higher will take the pressure off and allow me to enjoy where I am while it lasts.

To be continued..........