I Have Always Relied Upon the Rudeness of Strangers

Growing up I always liked the idea of being a delicate southern belle like Scarlet O'Hara (with the dresses and refined manners, but minus the slavery part), but truth be told I was a lot more like Scout from To Kill a Mocking Bird than I was like anyone in Gone With the Wind. In one way, though I am similar and that is that I expect people to be polite. But they don't always deliver.

I'm on the internet too much. You are too. We all are. Ever since coming back to the States, I've been stunned by the number of close calls I've had while driving because every idiot with a car thinks they need to look at their phone while driving. Trust me when I say that nothing is so important that you have to stare at your phone, driving like a maniac and risking everyone's lives in the process. By the way, right now you're either agreeing with me or you're part of the problem. It's selfish, it's rude, it's stupid and everyone is doing it. It's not just phones, it's all screens. There's no limit because no one wants to limit themselves or acknowledge how addictive and detrimental so much time on the internet really is.

It's changed the way we treat each other and not for the better. But, if there is one silver lining to the madness it's that nothing snaps me out of an internet binge like the rudeness of strangers. In fact, I'm coming to rely on it to shake me out of my haze. I stay away from "groups" as much as possible because this seems to be the place where snarky overly opinionated a-holes congregate. It's people who either don't have anything to say, but have to make a boorish comment anyway or they're flying off the handle, looking for a fight and attempting to bait others over the tiny bits of nothing that most posts contain.

Two cases in point: 1. I posted a free community event in a group I thought it would benefit and was met with the most vulgar overreaction from someone who thought going to the event was far beneath her. (Ok, so don't go. Who cares and why do you need to comment about a free, voluntary event?) In that particular instance, I could have fired back, but I decided to just flag her obscene remarks and contact the admin. Now, the admin in this particular group are such lovely people. I love, respect, and admire them and they took the action of deleting the comment and explaining to the woman that she had crossed a line and rather unnecessarily. Awesome! Justice prevailed! I wanted to hug the admin.

Case 2. I posted some things for sale in a BST group. The listing had about 20 items and I cross posted it in two other groups. This time I was the one flagged by admin. Now, I will admit that I broke a rule by posting other brands, but the allowed brand was in the mix. The second post did not contain that brand and was against the rule entirely. My fault entirely and I will admit it. So, here's the deal, I joined this group three years ago and haven't posted or read the rules since then. It was a first offense--just sheer forgetfulness/negligence on my part. I would have apologized and removed it at once if I had been contacted. Instead I was met with a very ugly and public reprimand complete with rage colored background and an army of exclamation points and capital letters. Again, totally over-the-top unnecessary.

All the admin had to do was contact me privately or just send me a nice message instead of the unleashing the verbal fury that I had knowingly and maliciously violated their precious rules. In other words, all they needed to do, was practice a little politeness. My God, people. Get a grip. I'm sorry I violated the rules; it wasn't on purpose. I'm a pretty stringent rule follower and would have gladly taken the post down or not posted at all. But, I didn't deserve the reaction--it was rude, plain and simple. So, I'm not ashamed to admit that I immediately deleted the post and then left the group. I don't need fashion shrews in my life harking about their made up rules.

Case 3. The chat group. (I know I said two up there, but I thought of a third while I was writing this. I know, it's a lot, but you've come this far, may as well see it through.) You know the ones I mean. You're just there to talk about shared interests, but there's a 1 in 5 chance someone's going to be ugly about something you've said. I joined a fashion group years ago and on my very first post when I asked for some advice on dressing in a style that would help me blend in my new city. It was met with comments like, "Why do you need to fit in?! You should be comfortable with who you are and not care what others think, etc." and various other unhelpful busybody statements that didn't answer my questions and just felt like personal attacks. I didn't comment on that group again for 5 years and even now, I post, but rarely read what people have to say because those same snarky biddies have only gotten older and and more menopausal--i.e. meaner and more verbal about their meanness.

So, there are a few things we can do in instances like this, but the very first thing I usually do is rise up from my chair, turn off the computer and walk away. I don't have to let these ugly people into my life and my home if I don't want to. And, seriously, why would I want to? Why would anyone want to for that matter? (Maybe that's why these internet harpies exist--no one wants to be around them in real life!) So, in scenario 1 The person's was comment removed. In scenarios 2 and 3 I removed myself. There was one time when one of those cranks fired up and I met her head on. She didn't say anything else and I haven't seen her comment since then, so I suppose sometimes it does pay to stand up to the bullying--the Scout methodology, but most of the time it just begins a never ending verbal battle going round and round until someone walks away and the other person feels they've won. Trust me, there are no winners in that situation.

The only real way to win is to be kind if you can. Be better than the ugliness. Say something uplifting and meaningful or don't say anything. And the other way is to walk away from the internet. Get a break from that garbage. Go live your life and don't waste another second thinking about those people. Be that delicate belle that feels it's just beneath her to act that way and then spend your time on better things and with better people. Don't let those groups be your social circle and don't let those comments rule your life. As Scarlet would say, "Don't think about that today, think about that tomorrow." Or better yet, don't think about that stuff at all. Just go on living a good life, never giving those people a second thought. And if all else fails, you can always rely on the rudeness of strangers as a reminder that it's time to step away from the internet.