Safe Haven

I remember when my brother came home from his first deployment.  War had aged him and his eyes didn't sparkle when he smiled like they used to, though smiling was rarer now.  Standing in our parents' house, in the doorway of his own room, he dropped his green canvas military bag, looked around the room and said, "This is a good place.  I can lay my armor down here."  I was struck by such a simple truth:  every warrior, no matter what it is you fight for, needs a place to lay their armor down.  We all need a safe place where we can find rest.  

Solitude, safety and rest.  The three things I crave more than all the other necessities except breathing, and I don't have them anymore.  I worked for so many years to create a home that was safe from the chaos and hardships of the world, not just for myself but for each member of my family as well.  And yet.  While I was working to build it up, other people were tearing it down faster.  Lazy people, wicked people, lesser people.  And they won.  I hoped my job would be a safe place, but wicked people roam about searching for someone to devour and they are never full.  No peace at home,  no peace at work.  I never take my armor off.  I stay ready to fight all the time and they are times when I feel, quite literally, weary to death of the wicked old world and its constant scheming.

The stress is mounting.  All my hard work at my job and in my family have amounted to nothing.  I have poured my life out for the betterment of others and it is beginning to feel like it has been utterly pointless.  Now that I've lost so much, I'm afraid of anything good that comes along, afraid that I'll only lose it too.  Sometimes I get so caught up worrying about what I'll lose next that I forget to appreciate what I have now.  There are seasons in which I have no joy and I find no rest.  We cannot live in a constant state of fight or flight.  It wears our minds, bodies, and spirits down.  It makes us old before our time; it makes us sick.  I go on fighting because for me, quitting is not an option, but we all have to have a place where we can escape the world, and lay our armor down.

Sometimes there are people in our lives who create a safe haven for us, but more often than not we have to carve out a safe and peaceful place for ourselves and then hide it from the world if we want to hang onto it.  Sometimes it's not so much a place as it is a time of day that's devoted to rest and solitude, but it's necessary all the same.  We need a place, a moment, a season, to stop fighting, stop worrying and be at peace.  For me, right now, it's 20 minutes twice a week in a mineral bath with healing music playing.  I have to make myself find joy in the simple things if no where else, because I cannot live without joy.  No one gave this to me, I had to make this place and take this time for myself.  I have to have a place to lay my armor down.  It's not enough, but it's all I've got and it's better than nothing.  

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