Regain the Moment

It has been so long that I can't even remember the last time it happened, but there I was, at a party and someone said the smallest thing and suddenly the party was gone.  I was lost in the memory of a traumatic event and starting to panic.  I'm not sure how long I was in that place, it felt like several minutes, but was probably only a few seconds, then I said four words to myself, the same four words I always say when I begin guided imagery.  Those words draw me into a space, a moment in time that I have created to be safe and calming.  Like a pinch in a dream, it startled me just enough that the traumatic memory lost its hold for just a moment so that I could find a way out.  I said the next four words as I mentally entered the safe space I've created through guided imagery.  The trauma was fading, so I continued on and stayed in that space in that moment until I felt calm and could return to the present.

It is an expected part of coping with trauma that you will be fine one moment and spiraling down a flashback the  next.  Triggers for flashbacks can occur at any time and often from unexpected things like a smell, a phrase or a sound.  The goal of course, is to heal from trauma, to move beyond it so that it no longer dominates any of your time, but the process can be lengthy and while it is ongoing, there are a number of techniques that have been tested and proven helpful in dealing with flashbacks, but in this post I want to discuss one in particular that I have found helpful, Guided Imagery/Safe Space.  If you had told me about this technique 20 years ago, I would have rolled my eyes and audibly scoffed.  But, in the middle of my grief when I was desperate for any relief from the hellish trauma that I was constantly reliving, this actually helped.

The human mind relies on fantasy and imagination to help us cope on a daily basis with the stressful world around us.  Since mind and body are so closely linked, if you were to imagine yourself in dangerous situation your body would respond with elevated breathing and heartrate but unless real danger were present, for most people all they need to do is stop imagining in order to stop the physiological response.  Trauma is different because it is or at one time was based in reality and so the brain becomes stuck in that moment as though it were happening again.  Working through the trauma is the long game, but getting through that moment is the short game here.  By that same measure, if you imagine yourself in a peaceful meadow on a beautiful day, the body and mind immediately slow breathing and heartrate and being to relax.  Guided Imagery simply employs the imagination to create a place of retreat when traumatic memories are threatening to overwhelm you.

Personally, I began to use this technique when I was calm and already felt safe.  Waiting until you're in the middle of a flashback is unwise.  I decided in advance what my safe space would be and then I began with a phrase, for example: I am walking in a meadow.  Then I would picture the meadow, noticing the sky and the feeling of the sunshine, details like the way the wind bends down the waist high grasses.  Then I would continue: it's a beautiful day.  Now perhaps bending down to pick a flower and closely admire the petals or the smell.   This might be enough to bring me out of the painful memories and back to the present, but if it's not then I continue with another sentence or two and more attention to details.  In this moment, I am not watching myself, it happens in first person perspective as a real memory would.

Because this moment was planned in a time of calm and then practiced over and over, it has become easier to find my way back even if it's been a while since I've needed it.  I won't say that the moment passed unnoticed, since the person standing next to me evidentially noticed something and asked if I was ok, but I was able to lift my head up, say yes, and at least give the appearance of listening to them talk even though I was mentally taking another minute or two to focus.  I eventually was able to get through it and enjoy the rest of the party thanks to guided imagery.  Is it a perfect solution?  No, I don't think such a thing exists.  Is it very helpful when there is no other help?  You bet.   No one wants to stay trapped in the trauma of their past, so although some methods may seem silly, it's worth it to at least try different avenues to healing in the hopes that some will be effective and help us to finally leave the pain behind and move into the life we want for ourselves. 

For more reading on the psychological and physiological effects and treatments for trauma, I recommend The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk