Back to School Again

School Days, school days, they are here again at last.  I still get that nervous ache in my stomach when I see the buses going by on the first day even though my first days of school have long since been over.   I guess some feelings and memories are so deeply ingrained they never really go away.  

I spent years breathing through that feeling, those butterflies in my stomach, and reminding myself that my children were homeschooled so I didn't even have to be nervous for them when school time rolled around.  I knew right where they'd be all the time, but it didn't stop that feeling.

Of course, that all came to an end eventually and my children have indeed had to have their own first days of school, which were just as stressful and nerve wracking for them as they were for me when I was little.  And, I did indeed get to be on the other side of things, being the worried mother wringing her hands at home and wondering. "are they alright, are they making friends, did they find someone to eat lunch with?"  

They did survive and so did I.  Now, our first-days-of-school are almost over with only one child still in school and I can't say I am sad to see this feeling go.  Homeschool was a beautiful dream; Public school has been more like a long slow Kafka-esque trial.  Some of it was rewarding, none of it was easy, all of it was important.  And through those public school years, I always told myself we'll slow down and enjoy some family time in the summer.   But, things rarely go the way we plan.

Summer was full, full to the brim, and I very often found myself falling into bed exhausted and closing my eyes for only a moment before it was time to get up and do it all again.  Now I find myself looking forward to school starting again, to having some structure after so much chaos, and to being able to say, "sorry, we can't do that, we have school at that time."  It's something I never thought I would say, think, or feel, but I am so very tired, I'll take it.

So, here's to summer while it lasts and here's to school days and all their glory and trials.  Here's to every mom whose heart breaks as she sends her children off to school, and every mom who breathes a sigh of relief that she has a few hours to herself while the kids are away.

My hat's off to every blessed part of the back to school days.  As for me, my daughter has changed schools this year and it is no longer on my route to pick her up and drop her off, so I will be celebrating the first day of school with a nice quiet vacation day.  It will likely involve sleeping in late, sitting in my pajamas past noon and perhaps eating pizza on the couch while watching a silly movie.   

It's almost time to hang-up that first-day-of-school feeling and leave it to the younger moms and the little children but I am also ready to hang up my summer responsibilities and relax my way through autumn.

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