A New Kind of Day

 ~If nothing changes then nothing changes~

Continuing from my previous post....This morning I woke up with no where to be but here.  That is a long absent feeling.  As a young mother I felt that way every single day.  I woke up ready to be here, to be with my children, taking care of their needs and the needs of the home.  Being a mother and homemaker was truly the happiest and most rewarding experience of my life.  It's very much the typical human experience that the "good times" only get that label when we're looking back.  We don't realize they truly were the good times until they are over, but I knew these were the best times right then and there, in each and every moment and that was an amazing gift.

And when it was over, I knew it too.  Life has moved on and changed and not in ways I wanted it to.  To be frank, I have not been living the kind of life I wanted to live for the past decade at least.  My years in Japan were not the beginning, but were certainly the apex and I have struggled since to smile and try to find things to enjoy, but love?  No, I have not loved this life at all.  I knew from observation that life could go on this way indefinitely.  As much as I wanted something to change, I knew that it was just as possible that nothing would.  Unless I made it happen.

Around May of 2022 I was offered an opportunity.  I didn't jump at it; I prayed about it and thought about it.  For seven months actually.  I decided to take a step in a different direction.  For all of 2023 I worked three jobs and took classes.  It was grueling but also refreshing to have such focus and goals.  I became excessively tired of hearing, "you're probably just stressed," whenever someone in my life acted like a total tool and I called them out for it, mostly because I wasn't stressed.  I felt like I was living again for the first time in so, so long.  (I also noticed that the people who flung this accusation at me also didn't offer to help take some of the presumed burden off my shoulders either.)

So, I worked and toiled 50+ hours per week plus classwork on the weekends, and plans changed along the way and then suddenly, there it was, the end of this particular race.  It was the last day of one job that I have worked for seven years and there were tears and sad partings.  So much so that I actually sat in my car in the parking lot, looking at all the flowers and cards and thought, "Oh, no!  I have just made a huge mistake."  But, it was too late to take it back, all I could do was move forward with the change.  So I came home, had a nice quiet weekend, and then, woke up today, the first day of this new path.

 

It won't be like the last time, it can't ever be like that again, but I'm excited to see where this leads.  After exercising, I slipped on this lively misty rose linen dress from LinenNaive.  These dresses have become my stay-at-home staples.  After running out to take a few snowy photos, I spent my morning cleaning, meal planning, and thinking about what I want to accomplish with this time at home however long it lasts.  I'll still be working away from my home several days per week and I am taking classes again for further certification, but I hope and expect to be here more, to take care of my home again, and I am quite pleased with that possibility.

So, after the cleaning up was all done, I set about making a hearty stew and a loaf of bread for our dinners tomorrow and a rich meatloaf with greenbeans and roasted sweet potatoes for dinner tonight.  I cared for the animals, kept the fire going, and loaded the woodbox for the evening, so that when Mr. Bleu and my girls come home they will have nothing to do but enjoy a hot meal and relax.  And I will sit and relax with them for a while before tidying up again and going to bed to read a few chapters of the latest installment in the Shady Hollow Mystery series by Juneau Black that I have been found to be the perfect evening read.

Life.  My life, but slower.  I am ready for that and just that.  I am ready for things to change for the better.  As much as I am sad to leave certain aspects of my life for the past few years, I understand that for things to change, something has to change.  If nothing changes, then nothing changes and I'm afraid I just can't keep everything the same and still have the life I truly want.  So, today something changes and I hope it is for not just the better, but for the very best.

Outfit Info:  Linen Regency Corset Dress in Misty Rose from LinenNaive