How to go from Fantasy to Reality

If I had a dollar (dollar, not a nickel, cuz, you know, inflation) for everytime someone said to me, "Oh, I love your dress!  I wish I could wear dresses!" I would at least be a hundred-aire.  Wearing dresses doesn't really seem like that big of a deal to me, but seriously I have lost count of the number of times someone stops me on the street or in the store and says, I love your dress and then immediately follows it with, "I wish I could wear dresses."   And I always walk away from those encounters feeling a little sad and wishing I could spend a few minutes just to encourage that person and tell them, um, you can wear a dress if you want to.

I know it doesn't seem like it should require much decision making, but let's face it, we currently live in a comfort-clothes based society.  This morning, going out to get groceries I counted 17 people wearing black stretchy pants with either t shirts or sweatshirts on top.  And apart from me, I only saw one other person wearing a dress and I don't know if I want to count it because it was really just a long t shirt.  The thing is this, if you love your comfy clothes and you feel good in them, then by all means, keep wearing them with my blessing.  The trouble is that most people don't feel their best in those clothes, it actually wreaks a subtle havoc on the self-esteem, but most people just go along with what everyone else is wearing, and look around, that's what everyone is wearing.

And I actually do understand this because I remember when I made the decision to stop wearing jeans and tshirts and it wasn't easy.  But if you want something for your life, no matter what it is, you have to get a plan and then take action.  So, in today's post (Yes, I am about to get to the crux of today's post momentarily) we're going to talk about taking things from aspirational to reality.  First let's define a few terms and these are my own definitions based on various things I have read or studied but can't remem:  There is fantasy which is really the whole fairytale dream.  There is aspiration which is more of a goal that is based in reality.  And then there's reality which is you life just the way it is.

1.  Separate your aspirations from your fantasies.  There are some things you are never going to achieve in this life, and that's ok.  But there are plenty of things out there that don't have to stay in your dreams.  This is where you need to look at what you want to achieve and think about what will actually work in the reality of your life.  For example, I remember meeting a woman, she was the cashier at a shop and she was one of those who said, I love your dress, I wish I could wear dresses and I looked at her for a moment and what I saw was an older woman with a great figure and her only uniform item was a vest.  Based on the amount of physical activity involved in her work, a couture gown was likely going to stay in the realm of fantasy, at least for wear on a daily basis, but a cotton shirt dress with some canvas sneakers or supportive flats would have been work appropriate, aspirational, an achievable goal.

2.  Take a very honest look at your life.  Why aren't you doing the things you want to do.  Is it finances? Is it lifestyle?  Is it time management?  Is it emotional insecurities or feeling self conscious? What up to this point has held you back?  In the case of this particular woman, I wondered if she felt like her age or her size meant she was excluded from ever dressing like she really wanted to.  These are lies we tell ourselves.  The work I do, the size I am, the age I am, etc, etc mean that I can't wear what I want or make changes in my life.  Most of the time, it really all boils down to emotional insecurities when we're talking about making changes to personal style or appearance.  As in the case of the woman above and many, many other women like her that I have met, we say it's because we just don't have the money or the lifestyle, but really it's that we feel self conscious about making a change.  

When I started a new job years ago, I was told that everyone in this professional environment wore very casual clothes (one of my coworkers wore shower sandals to work) because we just did so much physically demanding and "dirty" work that it would ruin nice clothes.  I proceeded to do that job in dresses for seven years, doing all the same things as everyone else and never ruined a single dress or had to get someone else to do my work because, "I'm in a dress."  As I got to know these women over the course of those years, I saw all their excuses crumble.  Some said they just didn't have the money for nice dresses, but I saw them get takeout everyday, have five or six streaming subscriptions, etc, so I knew the money was there.  A few of them, heart breakingly told me they were just too big or too old for dresses and this is the saddest of all, because it's just not true.  There are so many size inclusive brands and shops out there and there is no age limit on dresses.  I came to realize tht it was really more self-esteem/emotional issues than anything else, so this step is really important to take your time and work through if you want to take your dreams from aspirations to reality

3.  Don't be vague.  Write down specific goals and how you will achieve them including a timeline and financial commitment if necessary.  Personally I have two examples here.  The first is that I love the way that red lipstick looks and I wanted to wear it.  You may think it's as simple as buying it and wearing it, but it's not.  First I had to buy a shade that looked good with my hair and skin tone and then I had to get my teeth whitened for a while first because the red really made my teeth look yellow.  When I first decided to start wearing dresses I lived in a very cold, windy climate.  I brought some dresses with me when we moved, but up until then I had only worn dresses in the summer and of all the years we spent living there, we never once had a summer.  But, I got tired of waiting for warm weather, so I decided to just wear a dress.  It was a disaster.  I had to struggle with my skirt getting blown around and my legs freezing.  I had a time where I thought I just couldn't wear dresses there, but really what I needed to do was plan a little.  I needed to look for warmer dresses and needed to supplement with tights for the cold and half slips for the windy days.

4.  Get to work.  Nothing worthy in this life gets handed to us.  If it's something valuable, you're going to have to work for it, including peace and quiet.

Outfit Info:  Nila Anthony Bag, Shoes from SheIn

Pink Gingham Dress from Dolly & Dotty

High Socie-tea: A Brief History of Tea Dresses

I never heard of Tea Dresses growing up, which is surprising given how much I loved dresses.  Guess my family traveled in the wrong circles; not a lot of farmer's wives sit around drinking afternoon tea in pretty frocks.  Manure spattered overalls were farm couture for all the women in my mother's circle in the 1980s.  Regardless, the concept of a Tea Dress has been around since the 19th century and originally referred to a sort of dressing gown that one would wear while lounging in style and sipping tea.  

As time progressed, a tea gown became a dress somewhere between the casual style worn-around-the-house and the fancy-style worn for an evening out that was worn when entertaining guests for afternoon tea.  It can be dressy or casual or dress casual, but what really distinguishes a Tea Dress from any other kind is the length. 

According to ClosetCachete.com  a tea dress must have "a skirt hemline that stops below the knee and typically hits halfway between the knee and the middle of the calf muscle," and be "35-39"/90-100cm in length."   Beyond that, a Tea Dress is a timeless style that should be lightweight, playful and pretty.  Something you could wear nearly anywhere and anytime.

For much of my life I've always felt that for me, the perfect length was right at the knee.  I am a little on the tall side and I don't want anything too short (you know those breezy days can reveal too much) or too long that swallows me up.  And I felt that way for all of my 20s and 30s.  In my 40s, something interesting happened, my knees suddenly started sagging and it seems like it happened almost over night. Most of the time, I don't think too much about it, but every now and then I feel a little insecure, and want some coverage.

Back in the mid 20-teens, ModCloth released a series of dresses called High Socie-tea.  There were at least four different prints that I recall from this series and I bought two at the time, the Par Avion and Macaron prints (first two on the left below) and as much as I loved the the rich colors of the floral (far right) these dresses were so long I had to take them all up about six inches to get to my knee and it was an arduous process for a beginner at sewing like me.  

Although I loved the two I bought, I decided not to buy any more.  I also made sure that the alterations I made could be undone should I ever change my mind and want a longer dress...which I now have.  Yes, that's right, I restored these dresses to their former tea-length glory and even managed to snag the floral print on Poshmark in the process.

Since buying the original two dresses, I have had some changes to my complexion.  My hair is very cool on my very cool skintone and now has gone very gray, so I tend to favor warmer colors like this floral version so I don't look like something dredged from the river.

It also occurred to me in all this that I never took any photos of the Macaron print.  It's difficult to capture because the lines in the print create a weird optical effect, but it's one of my all-time faves, so I will see to that directly.

In the meantime, it's high time for tea in this pretty tea dress that is just the perfect, timeless length for all ages, and fits my lifestyle at this age and season to a T.  (Oh my gosh, I totally just worked TWO puns into the last paragraph.  AMAZING!!)

Outfit Info:  High Socie-tea Dress is old from ModCloth/Bea & Dot/Poshmark.  Qupid Heels are old from ModCloth.  Crop Sweater is new from YeMAKCrop Sweater is new from YeMAK

Life With Pie

I know what you're thinking- didn't she just do a pie themed outfit? It's an old (but still true) adage that one thing leads to another and this is certainly the case wtih novelty pieces such as my Cherry Pie Bag from Betsey Johnson.  It seems that now that I have this bag, my brain is searching for other pie-themed things with which to pair it.  

After searching for some fabric to make my own dresses, I found some Cherry Pie by Gail Cadden for Timeless Treasures fabric on Etsy, and bought it.  I then remembered how Retrolicious always has fun novelty prints and stopped by there only to find a dress already made in the exact fabric I had just bought.  

Honestly, there are times when I don't mind doing the work myself so I can save some money, but sometimes I would much rather just pay someone else to do all the work for me.  This is one of those times when I would much rather pay someone else to do the work and I do love supporting smaller brands like Retrolicious.  So, I bought the cute little skater dress and I have the fabric too so I can make my own one day.

While I was at Retrolicious, I also got a cute little red plaid top, which I thought would go nicely with the dress and another little cherry dress from the same fabric collection, which I will be featuring soon.  (Gosh, times like this I really miss Fabric.com, but I guess I'll save that rant for another post.)  It goes with the bag but isn't quite as on the nose as the pie themed stuff and both these cotton dresses are perfect for summer.

Outfit Info:  Cherry Pie Dress and Red Plaid Top from Retrolicious, Cherry Pie Bag from Betsey Johnson

My Kind of Pie: The ModCloth Good Old Days

A recent Poshmark acquisition has me strolling down memory lane, so today I thought I'd pay homage to an oldie but a goodie, this pretty little My Kind of Pie dress made by ModCloth's own label, Bea & Dot.  Bea & Dot was such a gem of a brand, and ModCloth was too before the owner and founder, a.k.a. "Mod Susan," sold out.  "Sold out" has some really negative connotations to it, and I don't mean to throw any shade at Susan.  She built an empire and then made a profit by handing it over to someone else, in other words, she did what she thought was best for her and for her life, and that's ok.  But, for the rest of us, the magic ended.  Susan must surely have been the heart and soul of ModCloth because after she sold to Wal-Mart (who then sold out to someone else, I think) the brand never really recovered.  

Those magical years of checking the shop every week to see what new and beautiful things they had discovered, and creating fun outfits with my purchases to upload to the customer gallery, were some of my most favorite hobbies during what was otherwise a very lonely and difficult time in my life.  Seeing like-minded others get excited too and create their own unique looks, was also part of the joy.  I was lacking connection every which way I turned but suddenly I found a place filled with fellow fashion lovers and felt a small connection (even if it was an internet connection), and felt a little less lonely for a moment while simultaneously building my dream wardrobe and being the envy of all I encountered.  It was a special time.  *Sigh*  And now it's over.  

I knew when I went back to ModCloth, after Susan was gone, and saw it smeared with polyester and basic florals (they were still charging $100 per dress though) that the magic was over.  I checked in on MC every few months over the course of the next year, but it was all the same over-priced boring junk I could find everywhere else on the web or in stores, so I gave up.  Then when Wal-Mart sold it, things got way better, but I could tell that it was still lacking whatever Susan had brought to the table.

I have so many happy memories from that sliver of time in my life, The ModCloth Years, as I like to call them.  I remember when my mom and I first discovered MC and since we were thousands of miles apart, we sat on the phone shopping together for hours, just picking out all our favorites and sharing links back and forth.  She actually bought my first two ModCloth dresses for me for Christmas that year.  We were just getting ready to move to Japan and I remember packing the dresses in my carry-on because they were so precious to me I didn't trust anyone with them.  

I remember first discovering artists like Kate Gabrielle and influencers like A Clothes Horse, Southern California Belle, and The Soubrette Brunette from ModCloth's customer gallery.  I remember seeing Zooey Deschanel wearing something on New Girl and then scrambling to see if I could find it on the site before it sold out.  I remember opening each new acquisition with my then very young daughters and the way their faces lit up before they exclaimed, "oh, it's so pretty!" and shared in my joy.  But, most of all, I remember that after so many years of struggling to not only find clothes that fit but that also brought me joy, when I found ModCloth I finally felt like me, the me that was always there just waiting for the fashion world to make the things that would help me properly express it.  Tasteful, whimsical, vintage, modern, modest, playful, and all the good things and most of all, in the right size!

As sad as I am that fashion trends didn't continue in the direction of this vintage revival with modern flare and instead slammed into reverse extra hard by way of everyone wearing stretchy pants and crocs all the time, I suppose all things whether good or bad must eventually end and the only thing that ever stays the same is that everything is always changing.  We don't get to choose which way the winds will blow, we only get to decide whether or not we bend with them.  I'm agreeable to going with the flow now and again, but current trends are one thing I will gladly stand tall against.  Yes, I know these dresses have had their moment in the sun and now the sun has set, but I'm not letting go until something better comes along.

Outfit Info:  My Kind Of Pie Dress by ModCloth, Sweet As Cherry Pie Bag from Betsey Johnson, Honiara Vintage Heels

Summer Parties and Polka Dots with Retro-Stage

Summer is almost here and where I live it's not even almost, it's definitely here.  To me, nothing says summer like polka dots and a halter top, and this little dress from Retro-Stage is a darling combination of both.  Perfect for sipping drinks poolside or going to a barbecue with friends and family.

I'm more than ready for all the fun summer brings and yes, I am prepared for how hot it's going to be as well.  I truly don't mind the heat, in fact if I may say it for the thousandth time, I would like nothing better than to live on a tropical island and never see another snowflake again.

Since I am a fan of summer, it's important to mark this change of seasons properly, so halter tops and polka dots it is, along with inviting over a few of my favorite people for a little summer get together I have every year.  The menu changes each year, but the one thing that always stays the same in Planter's Punch.  My recipe features grapefruit juice, lemon and lime juice, as well and orange juice, grenadine, and of course, rum for good measure.

I am so happy summer is here, and I am going to enjoy every single second of it.

 Outfit Info:  Red 1950s Polka Dot Dress with Belt-$22.99 from Retro-Stage, Shoes from Honiara Vintage

Garden Parties with Retro-Stage.

At first sight of this dress from Retro-Stage, I immediately thought of a 1950s Garden Party.  It sets my heart aflutter to even think of such a wonderful thing!  I suppose I have always wanted a beautiful garden where I could sit, take tea, listen to the sounds of nature, and write in my journal.  Always. When I was a little girl, I determined to make my own garden by planting flowers ringed with rocks to mark them off as sacred all around the yard.

Withing a month or so, just as my flowers were starting to bloom, I would inevitably hear the sounds of metal scraping rocks as my dear ol' dad mowed over my "gardens" every. single. time.  Those sounds were then followed by some rather rough language as dad tried to figure out why there were seemingly random rock piles all around the yard.

Well, I never got my beautiful gardens as a child, and found myself without the time for much gardening throughout much of my adult life, but now that my children are moving on to have their own lives and I find myself more and more with plenty of time on my hands, I decided it was high time to make this little dream come true.

One day, I think I will get my vintage garden party, and I have the perfect dress for it already.  I'm making very good progress so far and I know it isn't perfect, but who says things have to be perfect before they can be enjoyed.  No, I'm making use of my garden spot right now, just as it is and loving every moment.

Outfit Info:  Beige 1950s Floral Half Sleeve Belted Dress-$28.99 from Retro-Stage

Move Over June Cleaver: Retro-Stage Collaboration

Back with another collaboration with Retro-Stage and wowza! is it ever fabulous!  I love that Retro-Stage sells sets and also separates like this blouse and top that I put together. They really have a very streamlined way of presenting their products.  Not only do I love the blue on blue, but this top and skirt are made of the same material and totally meant to be together but work just as well as separates.  

Take a look at this style and tell me that every woman on the planet wouldn't look amazing in this style!  When you have a certain silhouette like this one that flatters every body type, I have a hard time wrapping my head around the reasons why we aren't wearing this on a daily basis.  I truly do not understand why vintage has to live in the past when this style looks just as amazing today as it did 60 years ago.

As soon as I saw these two pieces they were a must-have for me.  I love the colors and the style, it's all just so lovely.  Everything fits true to size and I want to mention that the belt is included.  This fabric is very soft and a little shimmery.  I ran the steamer over it with a washcloth rubberbanded to the end to protect the fabric.  The packaging wrinkles steamed out very easily and this skirt and top set were ready to wear.

Gosh, I've said it before but I think it's time to say it again, with an outfit like this, Move over, June Cleaver.  There are more great pieces in my collaboration with Retro-Stage on the way, so join me right back here for the next post.  You do not want to miss the gorgeous dresses on the way.

Outfit Info:  Blue 1950s Solid Lapel Blouse-$20.99, Dark Blue 1950s Solid High Waist Pleated Skirt-$21.99 from Retro-Stage.