How to go from Fantasy to Reality

If I had a dollar (dollar, not a nickel, cuz, you know, inflation) for everytime someone said to me, "Oh, I love your dress! I wish I could wear dresses!" I would at least be a hundred-aire. Wearing dresses doesn't really seem like that big of a deal to me, but seriously I have lost count of the number of times someone stops me on the street or in the store and says, I love your dress and then immediately follows it with, "I wish I could wear dresses." And I always walk away from those encounters feeling a little sad and wishing I could spend a few minutes just to encourage that person and tell them, um, you can wear a dress if you want to.

I know it doesn't seem like it should require much decision making, but let's face it, we currently live in a comfort-clothes based society. This morning, going out to get groceries I counted 17 people wearing black stretchy pants with either t shirts or sweatshirts on top. And apart from me, I only saw one other person wearing a dress and I don't know if I want to count it because it was really just a long t shirt. The thing is this, if you love your comfy clothes and you feel good in them, then by all means, keep wearing them with my blessing. The trouble is that most people don't feel their best in those clothes, it actually wreaks a subtle havoc on the self-esteem, but most people just go along with what everyone else is wearing, and look around, that's what everyone is wearing.

And I actually do understand this because I remember when I made the decision to stop wearing jeans and tshirts and it wasn't easy. But if you want something for your life, no matter what it is, you have to get a plan and then take action. So, in today's post (Yes, I am about to get to the crux of today's post momentarily) we're going to talk about taking things from aspirational to reality. First let's define a few terms and these are my own definitions based on various things I have read or studied but can't remem: There is fantasy which is really the whole fairytale dream. There is aspiration which is more of a goal that is based in reality. And then there's reality which is you life just the way it is.

1. Separate your aspirations from your fantasies. There are some things you are never going to achieve in this life, and that's ok. But there are plenty of things out there that don't have to stay in your dreams. This is where you need to look at what you want to achieve and think about what will actually work in the reality of your life. For example, I remember meeting a woman, she was the cashier at a shop and she was one of those who said, I love your dress, I wish I could wear dresses and I looked at her for a moment and what I saw was an older woman with a great figure and her only uniform item was a vest. Based on the amount of physical activity involved in her work, a couture gown was likely going to stay in the realm of fantasy, at least for wear on a daily basis, but a cotton shirt dress with some canvas sneakers or supportive flats would have been work appropriate, aspirational, an achievable goal.

2. Take a very honest look at your life. Why aren't you doing the things you want to do. Is it finances? Is it lifestyle? Is it time management? Is it emotional insecurities or feeling self conscious? What up to this point has held you back? In the case of this particular woman, I wondered if she felt like her age or her size meant she was excluded from ever dressing like she really wanted to. These are lies we tell ourselves. The work I do, the size I am, the age I am, etc, etc mean that I can't wear what I want or make changes in my life. Most of the time, it really all boils down to emotional insecurities when we're talking about making changes to personal style or appearance. As in the case of the woman above and many, many other women like her that I have met, we say it's because we just don't have the money or the lifestyle, but really it's that we feel self conscious about making a change.

When I started a new job years ago, I was told that everyone in this professional environment wore very casual clothes (one of my coworkers wore shower sandals to work) because we just did so much physically demanding and "dirty" work that it would ruin nice clothes. I proceeded to do that job in dresses for seven years, doing all the same things as everyone else and never ruined a single dress or had to get someone else to do my work because, "I'm in a dress." As I got to know these women over the course of those years, I saw all their excuses crumble. Some said they just didn't have the money for nice dresses, but I saw them get takeout everyday, have five or six streaming subscriptions, etc, so I knew the money was there. A few of them, heart breakingly told me they were just too big or too old for dresses and this is the saddest of all, because it's just not true. There are so many size inclusive brands and shops out there and there is no age limit on dresses. I came to realize tht it was really more self-esteem/emotional issues than anything else, so this step is really important to take your time and work through if you want to take your dreams from aspirations to reality

3. Don't be vague. Write down specific goals and how you will achieve them including a timeline and financial commitment if necessary. Personally I have two examples here. The first is that I love the way that red lipstick looks and I wanted to wear it. You may think it's as simple as buying it and wearing it, but it's not. First I had to buy a shade that looked good with my hair and skin tone and then I had to get my teeth whitened for a while first because the red really made my teeth look yellow. When I first decided to start wearing dresses I lived in a very cold, windy climate. I brought some dresses with me when we moved, but up until then I had only worn dresses in the summer and of all the years we spent living there, we never once had a summer. But, I got tired of waiting for warm weather, so I decided to just wear a dress. It was a disaster. I had to struggle with my skirt getting blown around and my legs freezing. I had a time where I thought I just couldn't wear dresses there, but really what I needed to do was plan a little. I needed to look for warmer dresses and needed to supplement with tights for the cold and half slips for the windy days.

4. Get to work. Nothing worthy in this life gets handed to us. If it's something valuable, you're going to have to work for it, including peace and quiet.