Wisdom From My Fairy Gothmother

I had to go bra shopping the other day. It's probably been 5 years or more since I've tried on bras in a store, and oh boy, was it an unpleasant experience. Don't get me wrong, the staff at Victoria's Secret were incredibly nice and very helpful; it was what I saw in the mirror that really bothered me. 

I can't remember how old I was the first time I heard it, probably 40-ish, but it resonated. "You still look good...for a woman your age. Dot. Dot. Dot. For A Woman Your Age. Every word after the ellipses smashing not only the half hearted compliment, but my fragile esteem with it.  Those words rang in my ears.  Standing in that dressing room, staring at reality.  A Woman My Age.  Looking at myself, I was suddenly reeling with disappointment and sadness. I almost walked out empty handed and emotionally distraught because what I saw in the mirror was... a woman my age.  Deep breath.

Wait, was this reality?  Or were insecurities affecting my perception?  I needed balance.

First of all the lighting was terrible, I looked much better in the natural lighting at my home instead of the overhead fluorescents at VS.  But secondly, my body is older. It just is. 

I regained composure by reminding myself that even when I was "young"-- in my teens, twenties, thirties-- I had insecurities about my body.  Looking back it seems crazy, but it felt real at the time.  And in 10 years, 20 years, I'll look back and think this is silly too and wish I could have this current body back because it's pretty darn healthy and serving me well. 

 If I may quote The GothMother, I don't want to be in a lifelong hostage situation with my own reflection in the mirror.

One of my old favorite indie bands, Tahiti 80, said in a song, "You'll never be younger than today." Enjoy the moment; enjoy the season, and remember that confidence has nothing to do with age or appearance or other people's thoughtless comments and everything to do with peace and acceptance and all the grace and wisdom earned by A Woman My Age.

Outfit info:  Eva Franco dress is thrifted, shoes are from B.A.I.T., cardi is from YeMak, necklace is vintage,  and yes, the bra is from Victoria's Secret.

OxKnit Sweaters

Sooooo, I rarely do negative reviews, preferring instead to hit the highlights of a brand, but when I purchased some OxKnit sweaters, I had issues with them and decided to do a very honest review, still trying to be kind.  I got a multi-paragraph response from OxKnit in the comments section of my YouTube video in which they basically couldn't deny anything I said, but mostly just said, "we're working on it."  Fair enough.  As a sign of good faith, they recently commented that they have now added size XS to their line and that gives me even more reason to hope things improve.  In the meantime, I had to take this sweater in several inches at the sides to get a nice fit, but I do like the finished product well enough that I ended up keeping most of my purchase.  And of the pieces I kept, I have washed and worn them all once or twice and so far they look just as nice and have held up well.  Check out my video below for the full review.

A Better Baseline

"How we present ourselves is indicative of so much in our lives: our state of mind, our confidence, our level of self love and expression.  Dressing well is not about showing off or flashing well or trying to impress other people.  Dressing well is about a baseline of self-respect."  Jennifer L. Scott.

If I've heard it once, I've heard it a hundred times: "I wish I could wear nice clothes, but I'm not spending the money until I lose this weight."  Those must be some of the saddest words ever uttered.  As someone who once struggled with her weight for many years, I can tell you that when it comes to dressing well most people have it all backwards.  Everyone wants to wait until they're "perfect" before they invest in themselves, but in reality, if you'll care enough about yourself to invest in yourself first, you'll care enough to make other positive changes about yourself.  A person who doesn't value themselves enough to dress well, probably doesn't value themselves enough to eat well, rest well, exercise well.  Dressing well, just like all of those other things, aren't about trying to earn value, or waiting until everything about you is perfect so you have permission to value yourself; it's about choosing to have a baseline of self-respect and dressing/treating yourself in a way that reflects that.  

Outfit Info: Bernie Dexter McCall's Sewing Pattern Dress is Thrifted, Cardigan is from YeMak

Paws & Poise Revisted

Take a step back in time with me.  The year was 2015 and I was over the moon styling my Paws & Poise dress from ModCloth.  Featuring a darling dog print on cream chiffon with a black embroidered collar, this dress was a no hesitation, instant purchase and thankfully so, because it quickly sold out and never restocked.  I styled it different ways, (mainly by changing the cardigan color) and posted lovingly each time.   And then?  The dress, as far as I can tell, has not been featured on the blog since then.  A decade has passed without at single post about this dress?!  A shocking revelation, I know.  Oh, dear, well I intend to rememdy that today.  Yes, I do in fact still own this dress and it is just as darling ten years on as it was that February long ago.

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THEN

NOW

I still love my cardigans and wear them all the time, but sometimes I prefer the more structured look that a blazer provides.  I also did the first few photos with the dress collar out, just to see how it looked, but I typically wear it with the collar under the blazer collar.  I also wear less color these days just to match the vibe of my current workplace.  

Outfit Info:  Paws & Poise Dress, Blazer, belt and flats are all old.

Dark Cottage Core

    I'm absolutely mad about toile.  Wallpaper, shelf paper, upholstry and yes, dresses.  A beautiful blue toile day dress is what drew me to Worth Collective, but I found a couple of other beauties while I was there that also caught my eye.  Since WC sent me a 20% off promo code as a thank you for my first order, I decided to bring home this black and ivory toile beauty and the other as well.  I like to think of this Amalie dress as a dark cottage core.   

    Each of the dresses I purchased are 100% cotton and they're both pregnancy and nursing friendly.  Those days are long gone for me, but love the comfy fit.   I did find this style is a little more flattering for my shape when I added a belt.  In fact, I wore this outfit out to dinner after our little photo session here and as we were walking to our table a mother and teen daughter nearby gasped when they saw this dress and exclaimed, "Oh!  How Pretty!"   Already getting positive feedback on the Amalie and it was my first time to put together an outfit and wear it.  I can't wait to see what else I can come up with.

Outfit Info:  Amalie Dress from Worth Collective