I Have Always Relied Upon the Rudeness of Strangers

Growing up I always liked the idea of being a delicate southern belle like Scarlet O'Hara (with the dresses and refined manners, but minus the slavery part), but truth be told I was a lot more like Scout from To Kill a Mocking Bird than I was like anyone in Gone With the Wind.   In one way, though I am similar and that is that I expect people to be polite. But they don't always deliver.

I'm on the internet too much.  You are too.  We all are.  Ever since coming back to the States, I've been stunned by the number of close calls I've had while driving because every idiot with a car thinks they need to look at their phone while driving.  Trust me when I say that nothing is so important that you have to stare at your phone, driving like a maniac and risking everyone's lives in the process.  By the way, right now you're either agreeing with me or you're part of the problem.  It's selfish, it's rude, it's stupid and everyone is doing it.  It's not just phones, it's all screens.  There's no limit because no one wants to limit themselves or acknowledge how addictive and detrimental so much time on the internet really is.

It's changed the way we treat each other and not for the better.  But, if there is one silver lining to the madness it's that nothing snaps me out of an internet binge like the rudeness of strangers.  In fact, I'm coming to rely on it to shake me out of my haze.  I stay away from "groups" as much as possible because this seems to be the place where snarky overly opinionated a-holes congregate.  It's people who either don't have anything to say, but have to make a boorish comment anyway or they're flying off the handle, looking for a fight and attempting to bait others over the tiny bits of nothing that most posts contain.

Two cases in point:  1.  I posted a free community event in a group I thought it would benefit and was met with the most vulgar overreaction from someone who thought going to the event was far beneath her. (Ok, so don't go.  Who cares and why do you need to comment about a free, voluntary event?)  In that particular instance, I could have fired back, but I decided to just flag her obscene remarks and contact the admin.  Now, the admin in this particular group are such lovely people.  I love, respect, and admire them and they took the action of deleting the comment and explaining to the woman that she had crossed a line and rather unnecessarily.  Awesome!  Justice prevailed!  I wanted to hug the admin.  

Case 2.  I posted some things for sale in a BST group.  The listing had about 20 items and I cross posted it in two other groups.  This time I was the one flagged by admin.  Now, I will admit that I broke a rule by posting other brands, but the allowed brand was in the mix.  The second post did not contain that brand and was against the rule entirely.  My fault entirely and I will admit it.  So, here's the deal, I joined this group three years ago and haven't posted or read the rules since then.  It was a first offense--just sheer forgetfulness/negligence on my part.  I would have apologized and removed it at once if I had been contacted.  Instead I was met with a very ugly and public reprimand complete with rage colored background and an army of exclamation points and capital letters.  Again, totally over-the-top unnecessary.

All the admin had to do was contact me privately or just send me a nice message instead of the unleashing the verbal fury that I had knowingly and maliciously violated their precious rules.  In other words, all they needed to do, was practice a little politeness.  My God, people.  Get a grip.  I'm sorry I violated the rules; it wasn't on purpose.  I'm a pretty stringent rule follower and would have gladly taken the post down or not posted at all.  But, I didn't deserve the reaction--it was rude, plain and simple.  So, I'm not ashamed to admit that I immediately deleted the post and then left the group.  I don't need fashion shrews in my life harking about their made up rules.

Case 3.  The chat group.  (I know I said two up there, but I thought of a third while I was writing this.  I know, it's a lot, but you've come this far, may as well see it through.)    You know the ones I mean.  You're just there to talk about shared interests, but there's a 1 in 5 chance someone's going to be ugly about something you've said.  I joined a fashion group years ago and on my very first post when I asked for some advice on dressing in a style that would help me blend in my new city.  It was met with comments like, "Why do you need to fit in?! You should be comfortable with who you are and not care what others think, etc."  and various other unhelpful busybody statements that didn't answer my questions and just felt like personal attacks.  I didn't comment on that group again for 5 years and even now, I post, but rarely read what people have to say because those same snarky biddies have only gotten older and and more menopausal--i.e. meaner and more verbal about their meanness. 

So, there are a few things we can do in instances like this, but the very first thing I usually do is rise up from my chair, turn off the computer and walk away.  I don't have to let these ugly people into my life and my home if I don't want to.  And, seriously, why would I want to?  Why would anyone want to for that matter? (Maybe that's why these internet harpies exist--no one wants to be around them in real life!)  So, in scenario 1 The person's was comment removed.  In scenarios 2 and 3 I removed myself.  There was one time when one of those cranks fired up and I met her head on.  She didn't say anything else and I haven't seen her comment since then, so I suppose sometimes it does pay to stand up to the bullying--the Scout methodology, but most of the time it just begins a never ending verbal battle going round and round until someone walks away and the other person feels they've won.  Trust me, there are no winners in that situation.

The only real way to win is to be kind if you can.  Be better than the ugliness.  Say something uplifting and meaningful or don't say anything.  And the other way is to walk away from the internet.  Get a break from that garbage.  Go live your life and don't waste another second thinking about those people.  Be that delicate belle that feels it's just beneath her to act that way and then spend your time on better things and with better people.   Don't let those groups be your social circle and don't let those comments rule your life.  As Scarlet would say, "Don't think about that today, think about that tomorrow."  Or better yet, don't think about that stuff at all.  Just go on living a good life, never giving those people a second thought.  And if all else fails, you can always rely on the rudeness of strangers as a reminder that it's time to step away from the internet.

Shopping Info:  ModCloth's Looking to Tomorrow Mini Dress in Rouge by Sunny Girl.  Purchased from ThredUp; Use my link to sign up and save $10 off your first order.  XXI flats are old.

Change the Day

Maybe today didn't start out terrific. Maybe it started out pretty awful and you just want to crawl back into your bed, bury your head under the covers, and stay there. Forever. What do you do when the world lashes out before you've even got your day going? Is there any way to salvage the wreckage? Cheer up, dear friend, there is always hope.

It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, you got plenty of rest. The kids are up and dressed without you having to ask and someone actually made you breakfast. This is amazing. And totally just a dream. Then you wake up. 

It's still dark, it's cold, and someone is crying—maybe a dog, maybe a child, maybe a vagrant engaged in a squabble with a wild animal—whatever the case, you can't sleep anymore, not that you slept much anyway, and this is not a good omen for how the rest of the day is going to go. Can you make it stop before it gets any worse? Yes, you can.

Breathe a moment. Step away from it for just a few minutes. What can you control? What can you change? Really just two things, your schedule and your attitude. Maybe today you cancel an activity or two. The world will go on turning without you at the PTA meeting tonight or if your child has to miss one soccer practice to hang out with you and get pizza instead. If your schedule is set in stone (but c'mon, is it really?) then you'll just have to change your outlook.

Stop what you're doing. Close the office door, turn off your phone and your screen (After you've finished reading this, of course. If you turn it off now you'll be totally lost about what to do next). Now, close your eyes and take three slow deep breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Once that's done, I want you to say out loud three things you are thankful for in your life and why. (if you're doing this in a public bathroom stall because that's as close as you can get to privacy, it is ok to just think and not say it, but if you're not worried about scaring your neighbor in there, then by all means, carry on.)

Instead of seething over the mess your spouse or children left, be thankful these people are alive and well and in your life. Be thankful you're picking up dirty socks instead leaving flowers at a grave. Are you single? Don't lament your loneliness, celebrate your freedom and/or reach out to others and gather them in.

Your job may have its stressors, but be thankful you have an income, and what are the other perks of working there? Name them. You have a home? You are blessed. You have food to eat? You are blessed. You have breath in your lungs? This day is a gift and you are blessed. Decide to see the day in a different light. Don't be ruled by events and emotions. You can make this a better day.

Shopping Info: Poema Dress by Anthropologie from Poshmark

Laugh About It

Did you know there are people out there who not only cannot make a joke but also can't appreciate one? It's true; I've even met a few of them. Now, without passing judgment I feel compelled to try and out myself in those tedious shoes and I have a hard time of it.  I can empathize with nearly everyone, but the humorless—I just don't get them.  My sense of humor is right up there on the importance scale.  It's a huge part of my identity.  How does anyone get along without it?  

Do you know what I think the secret to surviving anything is? Two things: Forgive and Laugh. Forgiveness is part of the healing process when bad things happen and a necessary part too. You can't move on from your pain until you can forgive the person or thing that has caused it. But laughter, well, laughter is something else entirely.

Laughter lifts you out of the pain, sets you apart from it and gives you a different perspective on your situation. Laughter frees you to say, How can I be angry at/afraid of /hurt by someone or something as ridiculous as this?! I'm done here.

Being able to laugh can save you from ever getting hurt to begin with. Not always, but often enough to make developing a healthy sense of humor well worth the effort in whatever form that takes.  Maybe for you it's listening to some great stand-up comedians and learning to tell a few jokes of your own.  Maybe it's reading humorous observational works and learning to make your own funny observations.  Pick something and start experimenting if you find yourself underdeveloped in the realm of wit and tomfoolery.

I think I must have inherited my joke telling from my dad. We had hard times, but we hardly noticed because we were always laughing together. When the holidays rolled around and we had an awful family get together with the snobs who always made fun of how little money we had or the holes in my clothes? We laughed at them the whole car ride home. Those are some of my best memories of the holidays.

When the mean girls picked on me in school and I came home crying he'd say something like, “which girl? The one with the woodchuck teeth or the one who falls down when she chews gum?” Suddenly those perfect girls didn't seem perfect, they seemed like regular people with flaws of their own. I couldn't take their comments seriously after seeing them in that light and they lost that power over me.

My dad taught us to laugh at the bullies and the bad days. He taught us to laugh together and yes, even how to laugh at ourselves. I think I most appreciate that lesson. Laughing at myself has kept me honest, it has kept me humble. 

I'm not perfect and I don't want to be. Too much pressure and not enough payoff if you ask me.  I would much rather be a clown, stumbling along, laughing all the way and maybe making a few other people laugh too while I'm at it.

Shopping Info: Pop art top from: SHEIN, Skirt by Vixen, Heels from ThredUp, ZAP Bag from Bewaltz on Amazon.com, Freshwater Pearl Earrings by Natuloth

The Last Rose of Summer

I am a summer person to my core. If I had my way I would buy a little house on wheels and follow the summer. I would never see another long cold winter again.  I haven't abandoned this idea entirely. Maybe when the kids are grown. One day I'll just pack up and go.  

In the present moment though, I am already seeing the signs that summer is over and it's time to prepare for winter. Yes, I live in the kind of place where you have to prepare for winter. 

We never know when a massive snow or ice storm will come and leave us isolated on this mountain and likely without electricity. Better to plan for the worst and hope for the best in my experience growing up in this wild country.  

When the shortages hit the stores this year, I didn't really feel it too much because we were coming out of a very mild winter and I hadn't needed to dip into my emergency supplies yet.  

Maybe it was so many hard winters when I was young that has made me wish to avoid them entirely now as an adult. Or maybe it's just increased my appreciation for the easiness of summer.

Whatever the case, my love for summer comes so easily to me and I savor each day and each little event like the blooming of the wild roses. There are things to love in winter to be certain, it's just that I have to look much harder to find them. And it's much easier to enjoy them when I'm in the company of loved ones. 

Summer on the other hand just presents all it's bounty and goodness, no searching required. And I can enjoy a sunny day picking roses to adorn my tea table all alone or with family or friends, although having family and friends around definitely makes it sweeter.

Shopping Info: Janie Bryant Romper and skirt set from Unique Vintage

Bettie Page Posh

I can't think of a single other post where I have placed so much emphasis on the back of a dress, but check out the rear view of this Bettie Page leopard print dress. It's lovely from the front, but those folds at the back in contrasting red are what make this dress a jaw dropper.

Bettie Page is one of those brands that have adored from afar for ages, but since they don't sell directly through their website, you have to rely on other distributors to carry their styles. I've seen BP dresses at just a few shops on the internet, but that's about it. I can't even find them in the retro boutiques I get to visit about once a year.  So, I've mostly had to rely on resale sites when I want to browse this brand. 

Since I've never worn a Bettie Page dress before and since this is a wiggle dress, I wasn't sure if I needed XS or Small. In the end, there were two dresses, one in each size, and I just flipped a coin. It landed on small, which is one size up from my usual, but the fit is perfect. I suppose I could have gone for XS, but I really hate it when my wiggle dresses pucker down the front from stretch.

Well, that's it. One dress was all it took, because I am officially hooked on this brand. I've really been trying to branch out on my brands over the last few years. This blog began as basically ModCloth exclusive, and I still love me some MC, but over time I've found so many great shops and designers, that I wanted to include as many of them as possible in my style to show you how many great options are out there for any size, age, and shape. 

When it comes to fashion, I think if you find your brand, then you find your brand, but there's no harm in playing the field a little from time to time. You're not going to hurt their feelings. It's not good to get too comfortable with one brand, either. I'd give yourself a decade with one place—maximum!—before you branch out a little. For me, I've needed to change things up as I've changed about every 5 to ten years. 

Different job, different roles in life, different age, different weight. There aren't too many shops out there that change with me .Either they change or I change but it's never happened in a harmonious synchronization. Either I'm getting older or their style is getting younger and way tighter too! Or I'm growing a little more whimsical and they've opted for safe basic polyester florals—Snooze fest! Don't be afraid to make a statement. Be bold now and then, you only get this one life after all.

Whatever adjectives you use to describe Bettie Page, boring, basic, and safe won't be among them. I haven't seen a single style from this brand that didn't make my heart skip a beat. So, at this point you may be wondering where you can find your own Bettie Page gem.  You have a few options, but just a few. If you happen to see a store out there that carries this brand that I haven't listed, please comment below. 

TatyanaBoutique, Unique Vintage, Top Vintage, and of course, if you can't find your dream dress there, you can always try my favorite resale site Poshmark and Ebay and ThredUp. I do recommend trying the boutiques first. Sometimes they'll have a style on sale for less than you can find it listed on resale and you're getting a new dress instead of something already worn for the same price. 

I can tell you at this very moment that this particular dress is available in several sizes and as a wiggle or full skirt dress on Posh. I'm going to post a few of the listing below with sizes so you can have a look.  If you don't see your size/style available right now, don't fret, your dress is bound to turn up.  Just keep checking back. 

Shopping Info:  Leopard print wiggle dress by Tatyana

Flower Child: Boho Basics

When you think of Boho style, you might immediately think of  late 1960s hippie fashion.  While that era does standout as a beacon of Boho style, the origins of Boho may surprise you.

Boho is short for Bohemian which refers to the area of eastern Europe know today as the Czech Republic and during the 1800s it referred to the Romani or Gypsy population and as early as the 1860s the term has been associated with a style of free and creative living and a defiance of conventionality--basically because it was a bunch of young, rich elite, living without restraint to their passions and whims and dressing like a group of people they deemed uncivilized.  Kind of sounds offensive when you break it down like that, but don't get offended.  People are so offended all the time, it's so boring.

Today we mainly think of Boho fashion as loose, flowy garments made of natural fabrics, and a little embroidery never hurt, in fact I think the embroidery is my favorite part.  
As I see it, the trouble with Boho is there are bad outfits out there that get labeled as Boho when what they really are is lazy.  It's a fine line between loose and baggy, between comfortable and, well, sloppy.  Boho is a style that does take some thought, so here are a few tips for dressing Boho Chic. 

1.  Loose Not Baggy.  You should be able to breathe, but your clothes shouldn't be falling off you.  And always contrast a loose fitting piece with something more snug i.e. a loose tunic with leggings or a peasant skirt with a fitted tee. 

 2.  Go for the Fringe.  Accents like fringe, beads, ruffles and, my favorite, embroidery, help sell the boho look.  You don't have to go overboard with it though, my dress has an embroidered floral border and some eyelet.  Sweet and simple. 

3.  Avoid Artificial Anything.  Look for natural fabrics in natural colors.  Polyester and neon are a no-go for boho.  I'm wearing an ivory cotton dress, but wool, leather, and linen are also great fabrics.

4.  Accessorize.  While I generally prefer to keep my boho outfits fairly accessory free, wide brimmed fedoras, slouchy bags, and chunky jewelry all add a chicness to a basic boho outfit.

And, now comes the part of the post where I write something to tie it all together and wrap it up.  But, today, I got nothing...........so.........The.....end (?)

Shopping Info:  Esley dress is Thrifted