Back in the World

I don't delve too often into my personal life on the blog.  Typically I reserve things of a personal nature for my annual "musings" post when I reflect on life after trauma and the progress I've made toward healing.  I think it's important to do this, because we all need a good report, especially if we've been through hell and we're desperately searching for a way back.  And it looks nearly impossible when all you see around you is the artificial shine and polish people put on every social media post.  I want to make this blog a lovely respite from a weary world,which is also why I don't talk too much about disturbing/distressing world events--more on that subject later-- but I value honesty and I know the importance of being real.  That's why every now and then I talk about my struggles.

Today I am back in the sunshine, back in the world, doing something I love, which is riding my bike and enjoying the cool country air.  The truth of the matter is that I have been ill for a very long time.  Over the holidays I started seeing some progress at last.  I was gaining weight, feeling good, finally feeling healing had come to my heart and body.  And then the rug was pulled out from under my feet.  I was sick.  Severely sick and couldn't get well.  All the weight evaporated along with all my energy and depression began to creep in.

After a month, of overlapping illnesses (influenza B, lung infection, and a new severe and difficult to identify food intolerance  that left me unable to do much of anything all at the same time), I went to both my holistic and modern doctors.  A bevy of tests later, my modern doc, whom I adore and want to speak as highly of as possible, was scratching her head and shrugging her shoulders.  With her characteristic honesty, she told me she didn't know what to do and the medicinal options had side effects that were worse than what I was already going through.  

She is the one who initially suggested that I try holistic medicine, specifically that I find a practitioner that had a QEST machine to scan for issues that she wasn't able to see.  I did find such a person and had already been working with her for seven months and was seeing great progress when things suddenly went wrong with my health.  My holistic doc was more hands on working to cleanse my body and then restore all the minerals that had been lost, but the results were slow in coming.

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I wish I could say it was an overnight success, but it wasn't.  Getting well was hard work.  It was at least another month after beginning work on these specific problems with my holistic doc before I saw any signs of improvement and it involved a lot of paying attention to what I was eating, taking supplements 3 to 5 times per day and a time of fasting and reintroducing foods.
The phrase that seems appropriate for a time like this is--Nevertheless She Persisted....

It wasn't just that I persisted, I insisted.  I insisted that we keep digging, keep testing, keep trying until we found out what was causing all the trouble and then fight it off.  I refused to be dismissed.  I refused to accept a shoulder shrug (I've gotten a lot of those from doctors over the years) or pop a pill that had the potential side effect of, you know, death (thankfully my doc was so upfront about all that!).  I had to fight for my health and find a doctor who was willing to fight along side me as much as possible, but ultimately I had to do most of the fighting myself.  And it was worth it.

After all, we only get this one life and personally I fully intend to enjoy as much of it as possible.  If that means doing the hard work to receive the reward, so be it.  I'll do what it takes.  And, as I've gotten older and gained more life experience, I've come to trust that I know myself and my body.  I know when something is wrong and I won't be ignored any more.

When it's all said and done, if I hadn't fought so persistently and done the hard work, I would still be on the couch, unable to do my job, unable to enjoy my life and my family.  Instead, my weight is back up, my energy is back up, here I am on a beautiful day back in the world.

Dress by Emily and Fin from ThredUp