Movie Review: The End of Oak Street

Here it comes, the scathing movie review you didn't ask for about a movie I hope you didn't see.  Heads up, there will be "spoilers"  I have to put that is quotes because I don't think turds go bad, but here we go.

The End of Oak Street is a story about a bunch of selfish losers who live in suburbia in the 1970s.  One day their gross miserable lives are interrupted by dinosaurs.  Carnage ensues.  Mom does some really tiresome generic girl-bossing, sis too, dad gets eaten by a dinosaur just when mom thinks she might not totally loathe him, and mom tries to be protective of kids she was desperate to abandon only moments before.  Then...they make it home via time travel and mom decides to save old timeline dad, you know, the version of dad who has not experienced any personal growth.  She also decides to save a few neighbors, including one she despises, while somehow not finding time to save the other version of herself or her children.  There are now two copies of a random neighbor kid they rescued living on the same timeline, so it's not like it would cause some Back To The Future style implosion of time and space.  But, no their own duplicates are sent into the dino-world time loop, this time sans-dad, to suffer horrible deaths while they assume their lives so mom can write a tell-all book and achieve a pathetic degree of fame.  I'll pause here if you need to throw up.

The acting was awful.  I don't believe Anne Hathaway really loved her children, despised her husband, or hated her neighbor; she was phoning in her emotions harder than she phoned all her neighbors to warn them of the time loop.  And for the love of sweet Orson Wells eating fishsticks, could Hollywood STOP CASTING EWAN MACGREGOR WITH AN AMERICAN ACCENT.  He can't do it!

The tiny segment of Jurassic world this neighborhood lands in is a sheer and totally unrealistic-constant-bloodbath-feeding-frenzy- hot zone of predators.  Predators are territorial, there could never be so many in such a small space.  We do get a lengthy dino sex scene, an abundance of mounds of dinosaur excrement, and a good three minutes of the moody teen daughter singing a song in the car, which I was hoping would lead to her getting eaten, but did nothing but waste time.  And girl-bossing. Could we stop?  When it's organic, it's freaking awesome: Sarah Conner, Ellen Ripley, etc.   When it's forced, it's just grating, (Captain Marvel...I  just gagged from typing that) and this was forced and oh so grating.   

I'm convinced that if lumped together every single jumbo mound of dinosaur scat we see on the screen, and it is constant, this movie would still be the bigger pile of shit.  Don't waste your hard earned money of moments of your precious life on The End of Oak Street.