The
secret of life. Everyone's looking for the answer to it all as
if it's some great secret to be revealed to them after much striving,
but it isn't. It isn't a secret, it is the truth. And the
truth is evident and available to all. There is no such thing
as a truth or your truth, only the truth. How can you tell if
something is the truth? It's quite simple, the truth doesn't
care about feelings, nationality, culture, gender, religion, or era.
The truth is the truth and it stands for all time. It will be
the same today as it was millennia ago and it will still be the same
millennia from now. Anything that changes depending
on the person, the mood, the culture, the climate, the era, the
anything-- is not the truth and you'd be a fool to trust it.
The
so called "secret" to life is part of the greater truth,
but we won't go into that today, and it is just this--It's not all
about you. If you want to step out of the darkness and despair
of living and striving for a happiness that can never be attained,
forget about yourself and what you want. It's not about you.
What life is truly about it other people, it's about pouring yourself
out in love for others--your family, your friends, your community,
your country, and the world in that order. (Now, it is
important to note that you must take care of yourself, you must find
joy in life, but putting yourself on the list is far different from
being the only name on that list. Self care is important, but
don't mistake it for self-centeredness) .
This
is where many people take that truth in the wrong direction because
they do not understand love. In order to explain what love is,
I will first tell you what it is not. Love is not about you.
If you buy a gift for someone to get them to like you or love you,
that is not true love. That is selfishness. And many
people who live in this way think they're very "good people" because
they do so many nice things for others when in fact they're not good
people. They are deeply selfish people doing something to get others
to love them not because they love others. This is why so many
people suddenly "fall out of love" with their spouse and
divorce them. They do this because they didn't ever love the
other person at all; they loved themselves and they loved what they
could get from the other person. When the other person ceased
to be able to meet those selfish needs they ceased to feel "love"
for them.
So,
if we know what love is not, which is self-centric, we can know what
love is which is self sacrificing. Love gives of itself
expecting nothing in return. Do not give a gift to a friend
because you think it will make her like you, give it to her even
though it comes at a great cost to you, because it will deeply enrich
her life and ask for and expect nothing in return. This is
love. People say, well, I wanted to reach out to that hurting
person, but I didn't because I just wasn't sure they wanted me to and
I just felt so awkward and I didn't know what to say.
Love
says, "I am here, friend," and takes no thought for its own fear or
comfort. Some people say, well, I want to spend time with
my children, but we have to have nice things and if they want to
spend time with me they'll let me know. Love says, things are
useless and the pursuit of them is a waste of my time. I am here, children; you are the most
important thing. People say, well, I'd like to help out in my
community, but I just don't know what to do. Love shows up in
its work clothes on its only day off and says give me a task.
If you're an extrovert don't confuse your natural desire to be around
people for love. If you're an introvert don't confuse your
natural desire to be alone for selfishness. The extrovert
acting in love will talk less and listen more. The introvert
acting in love will reach out more and isolate less. Do you see
how those things come at a cost?
Someone
doing the thing they're naturally inclined to do isn't necessarily acting in
love or not acting in love, they're following their own nature and that may be good or bad
but it is still all about the self and what the self is inclined to
do. Love will push the self aside. Love will reject
its own comfort for another person's need. This is where life
grows meaning. This is where you will find your purpose here.
It's not in your career--it doesn't matter what you do for work:
teachers, doctors, lawyers, there are a million other people at any
given moment who can do your job. You are expendable and no one will
remember you when you're gone from your job.
It
is only in the service of others that you will build a legacy and
yes, your career can be a mechanism for reaching others, but no one
who says they want to "focus on my career" is doing so in
order to touch lives. They're doing it for themselves.
Look first to your family. If you want your children to have a
better life, don't buy them more things, give them your guidance,
give them your time, give them your heart.
Your
parents won't be here forever and they've made mistakes: give them
your forgiveness, give them your patience, give them your heart.
You see the widowed aunt all alone on Christmas. You've never
been close and you don't know how to begin. Give her a call or
better yet, stop by for a chat. Bring a hot meal to share or
just pop in for a few minutes to give her a hug and let her know someone is thinking of her. Give her your time, give
her your heart. People are so afraid of being hurt, so afraid
of getting their hearts broken, but do you know what I've learned?
After
my heart was shattered into tiny pieces, it became so much easier to
give it away. Don't let the pain of the past keep you from
living the life you're meant to live. Love, let your heart be
broken, and as you pick up the pieces, don't hold them all for
yourself. Start giving them away. You only get this one
life; how will you live it? Seeking out your own interests?
In the end you will have only what you've worked for--yourself.
Or you can spend your life giving of yourself to others in pure and
actual love and you will truly discover what it's all about.
