Shopping Therapy

If I'm being honest, I'm not at all where I want to be with my spending. If I'm being brutally honest my progress is marginal more often than not. Because where I want to be is spending $0 and saving infinity dollars.  

From the end of November through mid-February I was on a No-Buy and doing really well. Feeling good emotionally, mentally, physically. I thought this would be the time I kicked the habit. Then a close family member had a serious medical emergency and I had to take the lead.  

Quite frankly, I handled the emergency portion like a champ. All day. And the following days. Then when the chaos settled, I fell off the sobriety wagon, hard. The worst thing is that I actually realized I was using shopping to cope pretty early on. But I didn't stop. 

 A few hours bled over to the next day, turned into a daily thing, turned into purchases, turned into months now of repeated behavior and I am right back where I don't want to be. The good news for the blog is that I have lots of stuff to post photos of. The bad news is...you know, all the rest of it. 

 I could really sink here, just spiral down, but I would rather not. I'd rather just be OK with it.  Life happened; I coped. As far as copes go, it's not the worst habit in the world and maybe my journey needs to be on a spectrum from doing well at saving to spending extravagantly rather than seeing it as an on/off switch.  

While I am on an honesty streak, I also have to admit that as a perfectionist, I will probably never live up to my own expectations if I don't lower them just scooch or two below "practically perfect in everyway," and aim more for "I'm doing my best, honey."  I'm human and the best way to reach any destination is to just keep going, so I will and I do.  And in the spirit of transparency, it hasn't been all setbacks.  I've had a few victories too and I'll share those in my next post. 

Having Your Cupcake And Wearing It Too

I love fashion, love it so much.  And photography.  When I was a photography student so many decades ago, I could never get people to model for me.  Long before smart phones and the endless supply of selfies that everyone now takes, the world was once filled with shy violets who were just to modest to model.  It was a simpler time, but definitely more frustrating for a blossoming photographer.  

On the rare occasion that I could get someone to come for a session, they were always totally inexperienced and sort of clueless as to how to work with the camera.  And, since my own skill set was also still in the early stages, I had trouble effectively communicating what I wanted without just waling up to someone and outright posing them head to toe.  That's why I started being my own model.  It was just easier to work out where I should stand to be in focus and then pos accordingly than it was to go through the model process.  

Years later as I left the single room in our home in Japan where I took my outfit photos and then edited in an interesting background, I had to teach my husband how to use the camera and work with me.  To his credit, he patiently took the notes I gave him, kept clicking until we had the shot I wanted, and learned exactly what I wanted so that now I prefer to work with him above anyone.  It's just so much simpler and easier.  

One of my favorite aspects of photography back in the day was my time in the dark room.  Now it's Lightroom, but I still love tweaking here, adjusting there and making something beautiful.  So, for today's post, I thought I'd share some previously unshared photos from one of my favorite sessions (5-ish years ago) in one of my all-time favorite style dresses, the Cupcake dress.

Same Stuff, Different Outfit

Starting my year with a No Buy (I promise I'm going to stop talking about it soon, but not in this post) had a lot of positive outcomes.  For one thing, it took a lot of the guess work out of what i was going to wear.  As in previous years, I did a seasonal capsule wardrobe and just rotated through it for three months.  Of that capsule, I had about 6 work dresses/outfits that I wore on a bi-weekly rotation, and it saved me time in the morning by not having to figure out what to wear.

Another thing it did was really forced me to shop my closet a lot and I found that I really enjoyed it.  At this point in the game, I really don't need to buy anything other than replacing my shoes each year as they wear out.  Anytime I want to experiment or mix things up all I really just need to dig through my storage bins to find the things I want to make an outfit work.

For my No Buy challenge, I decided that all the targeted ads I was seeing were part of the problem.  I knew I had to strictly limit my social media time in order to avoid the temptation from all the shopping ads.  It worked like a charm...in a way.  I decided to draw, cover lampshades, and be creative instead of shopping.  However, the depression and anxiety that accompanied being denied the dopamine hits I get from shopping and scrolling social media were tough to take.  I had to feel all my feelings, deal with all the situations without my retail therapy or doom scrolling to decompress.  Include in that mix the stress of the holidays, two medical emergencies and a family trip and I really struggled to cope without a crutch for a while.  But, I made it.  And now I know I can.  And that was probably the greatest success to come from this experiment

Getting back on social media, I realized, I really can't have it in my life.  Literally nearly every post in my feed and every email in my inbox, is an ad for something wanting to take my money.  No thank you, I don't want to go back to the desensitization and the mindless buying.  Plus, I don't want to go back to losing hours of my life each day and $$$ from my bank account to the scroll effect.  

Now, this is the part where I must reiterate that I will always love fashion and will likely continue to set aside money for buying clothes, as my break from my No Buy has proven, but I am continuing to be more selective and mindful about what I bring into my life.  To that end, today's outfit is entirely "old" thrift finds of last year and all the way back to things I purchased more than a decade ago.

Normally the blog is the testing ground, where I put outfits together and if I like how they look in photos, then wear them out in the world.  However, since I haven't been doing outfit photos over the winter months, I saw this original fashion photo of this skirt, decided to put my own version together and have been wearing it to work before featuring it here.  I really love this outfit and I'm glad it looks as good in the photos as it looked in my head.

Outfit Info: j.crew top, maybe skirt, remake cardi, seeing flats

Business Whimsical

My daughter had a job interview coming up and the dress code was business/professional.  Having never worked a job like this before, she did not own anything in the way of business clothing.  I offered to let her borrow a few things from my closet for the interview.   The night before, I found her desperately rummaging through my clothes.  "Can I help you find something," I asked.  "Do you have any plain button down shirts,"  she replied.  "I have florals, stripes, and strawberries..., but no, no plain shirts."  She grabbed what she hoped was a plain white poplin button down, but let out an "Ugh!" when she saw that it had scalloped sleeves and collar embroidery.  "Why are all your clothes so whimsical?!"  ...I'm...sorry?  As much as I wanted to help, my clothes are anything but boring.  And while I do work in a professional setting, my style is decidedly business whimsical.

There is a range of business attire from Business Professional, which is the most formal and often involves suits and ties, to Business Casual, which is slacks, skirts, or well fitting dark wash jeans often paired with button down shirts and blazers, but allows more creativity in the form of bright colors, statement prints and jewelry.  Then there's my interpretation of it all. I prefer to wear multiple colors and prints, often with whimsical themes, outfits that say, Yeah, I'm working, but I'm having so much fun I hardly notice.  To that end, I thought I'd post photos of one of my favorite recent outfit compositions.  Nothing new in the mix, all old stuff that I put together and love for all its whimsy and office appropriateness.

Outfit Info:  Skirt is thrifted ModCloth, Top is old from Princess Highway, Bag is Ecosusi, Shoes are B.A.I.T. footwear, Cardigan is old from ModCloth. 

Strawberries & Stripes

I decided to do a No Buy to kick off 2026.  I actually started in December of 2025 and made it about 3 months without shopping or purchasing.  The only way for me to be really successful at this was to get off social media entirely and heavily restrict internet usage.  It went well until the stress piled up and I decided to scroll it away.  I ended up seeing stuff, wanting stuff, and then, yes, buying stuff.  

Specifically I bought this dress from Unique Vintage because it combines my love of dresses, vintage styles, and strawberries.  I waited a few weeks after purchasing this dress before taking photos, hoping that the flowers would start blooming and everything would be just as lovely and colorful as this dress, but nature does not always cooperate.  Never mind, I actually like these pretty orange grasses and dried flowers as a backdrop.

I am very pleasantly surprised by the quality of this dress.  Unique Vintage doesn't always have the quality to match the price tag on their dresses, but this one definitely was worth every penny. Only the top is lined, but the fabric is nice and thick and I added a petticoat for a fuller skirt.  My Strawberry Shortcake loving, little girl dreams all are coming true with this beauty.

Tryon for this dress is in the first 5 minutes of this video.

Outfit Info:  Strawberry and Stripe Swing Dress From Unique Vintage, Bag from Ecosusi, Strawberry Earrings from Etsy, Necklace is Vintage

Ode to Jove Grace Day Dress: Ivory Sheep Review

I've been a fan of the Canadian based company, Ivory Sheep for several years now.  I first encountered the owner in the Selkie fan groups as her business was just beginning.  I loved how she was just a person, a fellow dress lover who was fulfilling her dream to become a dress shop owner.  The cherry on top was that she gave prompt and personal service, and genuinely seemed to care about her customers.  When Selkie's spring launch was an utter shit show, she went above and beyond to get orders out.  I never saw a single negative word uttered about her and many saw her as someone to rely on against the chaos of that time.  Unfortunately in the wake of that and other frustrations Mackenzie and Ivory Sheep, like so many other stockists at the time, chose to end their relationship with Selkie.  Fortunately for dress lovers, Mackenzie soldiered on by launching her own collection.  I fell immediately in love with this Ode to Jove dress when it released on the spring of 2025, but the rules of my Low Buy year didn't allow me to purchase.  I determined that if it was still in stock come Black Friday that I would bring it home.

Black Friday rolled around and to my sheer delight Ivory Sheep had a 40% off site-wide sale and allowed me to stack a promo code as well, plus gave me free shipping and I was able to make this beauty mine for 50% off the original price.

The print for this dress is called Allegory of Glory.  Originally painted in the fresco style by Mariano Rossi it depicts the battle of Roman general Marcus Furius Camillus against the Etruscan city of Veii.  The Roman army lay siege to the walled city and the Etruscans were successful in holding them off, until General Camillus got the idea to tunnel under the city.  This painting celebrates his victory.  Strange subject for a dress print?  Perhaps, but you can't argue with the outcome.

Outfit Info: Ode To Jove Grace Day Dress from Ivory Sheep, Shoes from B.A.I.T.

Pink Porcelain

"sometimes just getting up and carrying on is brave and magnificent." 

"One of our greatest freedoms is how we react to things."

"When have you been at your strongest?" asked the boy.  "When I have dared to show my weakness. Asking for help isn't giving up," said the horse. "It's refusing to give up." from The boy, the mole, the fox, and the horse by Charlie Mackesy

As the holidays approach, I know that this can be one of the most difficult times of year for many.  I've had this post written for years, but now seems like the ideal time to post it. 

    I always hated asking for help. Hate isn't really a strong enough word. I felt a physical revulsion to asking for help. Why? Well, for one thing I was a perfectionist who hated to admit that things weren't perfect, hated to admit that I was weak or had failed. But it goes beyond that.  

Asking for help means being vulnerable enough with someone to expose your weakness to them and then stand there, naked, while they consider whether or not you're worth their time and help. It means not only showing that your weakness, admitting failure, but also in the midst of all that, facing rejection. I could deal with the failure. I could deal with the weakness. It was the vulnerability and even more so, it was the utter rejection in a time of greatest need by someone who claimed to love me or be a true friend that I could not accept. If I was rejected once, even on or perhaps especially on small help, I would never ask again. If I was rejected on really big help, I found I could no longer look at those people, let alone feel kindly toward them. And, please bear in mind that on the rare occasion that I did ask for help, the answer was nearly always No.  

And, so rather than dislike and mistrust a growing number of people, I stopped asking for help. Can't get rejected if you never ask.  It was only years and years into my adult life that I found myself in such a state of utter brokenness that I cried out, begged for someone, anyone to help me, and kept begging until someone did. Even in that awful time, I got a lot of rejections, but it didn't matter anymore; I'd already experienced the worst, what was a little more? I didn't just have to face rejection, I had to keep facing it. It sounds like it would be the hardest thing to do, but it wasn't. At the end of myself, at the end of my delusion of perfection, it was either face up or give up.  

There were a very few who came to help and they made all the difference. Asking for help, isn't giving up, it's refusing to give up. Asking for help means that you are saying, I will keep going, keep fighting, keep asking no matter what it takes. So, keep going, keep fighting, keep asking for help until you get it. As for me, I'm no longer a perfectionist. Not interested in pretending. Not interested in trying. Far more likely to ask for help if I need it and shrug off rejection when I face it.  And far happier because of it.

Outfit info:  Selkie pink porcelain Renaissance dress--thrifted 

Soft Miracles

Autumn arrives each year and yet, I wait with such hopeful expectation to see this soft miracle time and again.  I never tire of seeing the changes, day by day, or like this year overnight.  Life is filled with these occasions, reliable, often taken for granted, but worthy, oh so worthy of pausing to marvel.  In a world that seems increasingly despondent it lifts my spirits to soak in glorious beauty .

Outfit Info: Blossom Tree Wrap Dress by Love Your Look from Modern Millie, Shoes from B.A.I.T. Footwear, Clutch is vintage Jessica McClintock