Safe Haven

I remember when my brother came home from his first deployment.  War had aged him and his eyes didn't sparkle when he smiled like they used to, though smiling was rarer now.  Standing in our parents' house, in the doorway of his own room, he dropped his green canvas military bag, looked around the room and said, "This is a good place.  I can lay my armor down here."  I was struck by such a simple truth:  every warrior, no matter what it is you fight for, needs a place to lay their armor down.  We all need a safe place where we can find rest.  

Solitude, safety and rest.  The three things I crave more than all the other necessities except breathing, and I don't have them anymore.  I worked for so many years to create a home that was safe from the chaos and hardships of the world, not just for myself but for each member of my family as well.  And yet.  While I was working to build it up, other people were tearing it down faster.  Lazy people, wicked people, lesser people.  And they won.  I hoped my job would be a safe place, but wicked people roam about searching for someone to devour and they are never full.  No peace at home,  no peace at work.  I never take my armor off.  I stay ready to fight all the time and they are times when I feel, quite literally, weary to death of the wicked old world and its constant scheming.

The stress is mounting.  All my hard work at my job and in my family have amounted to nothing.  I have poured my life out for the betterment of others and it is beginning to feel like it has been utterly pointless.  Now that I've lost so much, I'm afraid of anything good that comes along, afraid that I'll only lose it too.  Sometimes I get so caught up worrying about what I'll lose next that I forget to appreciate what I have now.  There are seasons in which I have no joy and I find no rest.  We cannot live in a constant state of fight or flight.  It wears our minds, bodies, and spirits down.  It makes us old before our time; it makes us sick.  I go on fighting because for me, quitting is not an option, but we all have to have a place where we can escape the world, and lay our armor down.

Sometimes there are people in our lives who create a safe haven for us, but more often than not we have to carve out a safe and peaceful place for ourselves and then hide it from the world if we want to hang onto it.  Sometimes it's not so much a place as it is a time of day that's devoted to rest and solitude, but it's necessary all the same.  We need a place, a moment, a season, to stop fighting, stop worrying and be at peace.  For me, right now, it's 20 minutes twice a week in a mineral bath with healing music playing.  I have to make myself find joy in the simple things if no where else, because I cannot live without joy.  No one gave this to me, I had to make this place and take this time for myself.  I have to have a place to lay my armor down.  It's not enough, but it's all I've got and it's better than nothing.  

Shopping Info:  The Romantics Dress in The Unicorn Defends Himself from Selkie and IvorySheep  belt and cardi from SHEIN

Unicorn Alterations

I was truly hoping for more options in the unicorn print, but I suppose I ended up with more than enough since I found a couple of pretty dupes.  In particular I found this sugarfrill dupe and for less than $30 I felt confident to make just a few changes so I could get the dress I had in mind.

This is the original dress, which is actually very pretty, but I felt overwhelmed by the lace and frills when I tried it on and wanted something a little more simple.  Just for reference, here's how it looked during the YouTube Tryon---->

It's ok.  I don't hate it and I've definitely seen it look great on a few other people, so I'm not writing off the style entirely, I just felt like it wasn't quite right for me.

After examining the seams on the shoulder ruffles, I found that they were separate pieces just sewn on top of the shoulders.  It was a quick and easy task to take a seam ripper and separate them from the shoulders with no other work necessary.  

Ditto for the lace around the neck, but the lace at the sleeve cuffs was not so easy.  For that I had to cut the lace off and then roll the raw edge under twice and them hem it by hand.  The whole alteration process took about 1.5-2 hours and some of that time was spent just examining the dress to make sure I didn't get in over my head and trash it.

So, here is the finished result.  It is now a unique dress that I love even more and because it only cost about $27, I felt confident that even if I did mess it up, I could afford to replace it and try again.

I added a red petticoat and a red headband with green flats for a Christmas-y season outfit.  I love this print!  Wear any little red accessory and the reds really standout.  I know it's too late for Christmas outfits now, but I'll get some wear out of it through the rest of winter and I'll definitely wear it again next year.

So far 2023's sewing projects are going really well.  I haven't really been planning anything as far as sewing goes, just sort of tackling things as they turn up, but this has really inspired me to get going with some more projects.

Shopping Info:  Princess Green Flower Organza Dress-$27, Margot 2.0 Flats-$79 from VIVAIA, Headband from SHEIN

Selkie Alterations: Unicorn Defends Romantic Dress

As much as I love this print and style, as much as I love Selkie, not all the styles are right for me.  There are certain shapes that look best in the puff sleeves, the puffier the better, in fact, and the oodles of ruffles only enhance their figures.  Sadly, I am not such a person and have not such a shape.  When it comes to the ruffle puffs, a little goes a long way.  At a certain point, I just feel like I'm lost in a ruffled organza sea, drowning in puffs.  That is one of the reasons Selkie's cotton styles have become my go-to and I own very little organza.  Cotton tends to lay flatter and because it's heavier, designers have to go easy on the ruffles.  Enter  The Unicorn Defends Romantic Dress.

When it comes to this print, I actually prefer the way the organza looks over the cotton version, but sadly none of the organza styles would looked nice on me, so I opted for this lovely romantic style which has a nice waist, long skirt and long sleeves.  Much like the puff sleeves on organza dresses, I love these sleeves on other people, but they're just not right for me.  Since this dress is made of cotton and since I have also made my own puff dresses from cotton several times, I decided to attempt to alter the sleeves to something a little less overwhelming.  

I recently purchased a Regency dress pattern, McCall's 8132 and decided to use this pattern to guide me instead of free-handing this little project so that I get the best and most symmetrical results.  I unfolded the labyrinthine pages and located the piece I needed only to find that it was much, much shorter than I wanted the sleeves to be.  So, I wadded it back up, shoved it into the package and went for plan B, which was just finding a dress with a sleeve length I liked, measuring, and then using that length to help me create the new sleeves.  The dress I used was my Love Letters Beach Day dress and the sleeves measured 14"/35.5cm.  I measured down 14"/35.5cm plus an extra inch/2.5cm for a seam allowance and then cut off the excess sleeves.

First I hemmed up the new sleeve, then I measured out a casing and elastic.  I tacked in the casing by hand then stitched it in with the machine.  After that I put in the elastic and stitched it closed.  Easy-peasy.  It took about an hour and a half to complete this task, mainly because I did a lot of measuring to make sure I was getting the right length and that both sleeves were even.

I left the long ruffle at the bottom like the long sleeves had because I like that detail.  And, although I do wish that I had made the sleeves a little longer, overall I am much happier with them being shorter, off my wrists and out of my way.

While I was making alterations, I did end up trimming off much of the drawstrings.  I'm never selling this dress and I just don't need that much string dragging the ground, so I tied knots in each string and then snipped them off about a centimeter below the knots.  They're still functional and no more dragging.

I know that many people cringe when they see/hear me talking about making such alterations to a dress and it always garners at least one dislike when I post alteration videos on YouTube, but I'm not exactly sure why.  Perhaps there are dress purists in the world who cannot stand to see the completed work altered in any way.  

While I too used to dislike the idea of buying a piece of clothing only to have to invest more time and energy working on it myself, I've come to see the value in having clothes that are uniquely tailored to my shape and my tastes.  Dress makers aren't mind readers, sometimes we have to make a few tweaks to get exactly what we're dreaming of.

And so, with just an hour and a half of investing my time and sewing skills, I now have a unique dress that I adore and am sure to wear much more often because of it.  I encourage you too that if you'd like to see a change, why not try it or find a professional who will.  It might not work out, but it might be everything you've wanted and more.

Shopping Info:  The Unicorn Defends Romantics Dress from Selkie and Ivory Sheep.

Living with Imperativeness

When I was a young teen I saw two lives end in the same week and it changed me.  Looking through photos of their lives I realized that it wasn't that long ago that each of these women was just a young girl like me with dreams and hopes and plans.  How much of those things had come to fruition and how much had fallen by the wayside.  I suddenly saw how very short a time we are all given, some much shorter than others.  I spent the rest of that summer lost in thought.

When I returned to school in the fall it was as a changed person.  Everyone else was the same.  My friends talked about boys and the weekend, and upcoming exams.  I couldn't relate to them anymore (and I didn't try.  How can you explain such an epiphany?  I suppose I'm trying now, but I lacked the words back then.)  For the next year, I stayed lost in thought.  I only slept a few hours a night, it was the beginning of the insomnia that has since followed me for the rest of my life, and when I was awake, the world moved much more slowly, almost as if I was an outsider watching it happen rather than being a part of it.  I saw the patterns, the pathology of it all and I wanted out.

By the time the next summer rolled around I knew I couldn't exist in that system anymore.  I had to get out.  It meant cutting ties and leaving everything behind, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make because I couldn't live my life in limbo anymore, waiting for things to get started.  I had gained a sense of urgency, a deep regard for the preciousness of each moment, and I've never been able to shake it.  

Ever since that first step, I have spent my life living on my own terms, doing everything that I felt mattered so that whenever my life reaches its end, I will go without having to utter those "saddest words of tongue or pen: it might have been."   I will have lived my life to the very fullest.  That used to mean big things like travel and other life experiences.  Now it means smaller things like making time to talk with and teach my children all the things I know, and to reach out to the people I love so that if I should disappear from this life tomorrow there would never be any question in their minds that they were truly loved and valued.  And, yes, it also means taking great enjoyment in putting on a beautiful dress and spending the time and care to throw a little party just because.

Don't sleep your way through life.  Wake up.  Start living.  Make the most of every day in small ways like stopping by a friend's house just to catch up because it's been too long, or in big ways by taking that trip overseas you've always dreamed of, because as long as life seems it is all too short and so very precious.  Life your life with the imperativeness that you only get this one and it goes by so fast.  So, what are you going to do today?

Mew-seum Visit

Today's post features an illusive unicorn--the Mew-seum Visit dress from ModCloth and made by Retrolicious/Folter.  It wasn't exactly high on my list, just something I've kept an eye out for, and eventually it turned up on a thrift site for a verrry reasonable price, so why not.

People think I'm a cat person when I wear these dresses and they feel the need to comment on it, particularly if they are cat lovers themselves.  They say things like, "I can really tell you're a cat lover."  To be fair, the same thing happens when I wear my Harry Potter t-shirt.  Someone tries to strike up a conversation with me about the books or movies usually by opening with a remark like, "I can see you're a fan of Harry Potter."

I never get annoyed with the comments; I think it's nice when people reach out in conversation.  At our very core, we're all just searching for connections and common ground.  I should note that I don't typically wear cat ears with this dress, I can definitely see where that would send the message of die-hard cath enthusiast, but it's just for fun today.

The simple truth, which I always express, especially before the conversation goes too far only to end in their disappointment when I'm hopelessly lost, is that I am neither a fan of Harry Potter (I've never read the books and only seen two of the movies), nor am I a cat lover, nor a great many other things I have printed on my clothes.  I think the Harry Potter universe is a cool idea and one day I'll probably sit down and give the books a read.  And I am an avid cat liker...providing the cat is nice and friendly.

But, what I really love and what I'm actually a fan of is clothes.  I don't know why exactly, fashion and design have always interested me.  I love the thrill of the hunt for a bargain and an interesting dress that perhaps will be a conversation starter.  Even if it's about something I don't really love, I don't mind learning something Mew.

Shopping:  ModCloth Mewseum Dress by Retrolicious is old, Top from Shein, heels from Amazon

Catching Unicorns

This dress was on my Unicorn list for ages and now it finally became available.  I didn't purchase it years ago when it came out on ModCloth because they didn't carry my size.  

Since them my sewing skills have improved and I'm very good at gauging whether or not I can alter a dress just by looking at  photo.  This one seemed doable, so I got it for a steal on a resale site and it's in excellent condition.  

I thought it also looked pretty seasonal with that bright red belt and buttons and since there are always tons of family photos during this time of year, the dress' portrait theme didn't seem too far off either.

It's nice when we've searched for something for so long and finally acquire it.  I know it's a small thing, just a couple of yards of cotton, but there is a sense of satisfaction that goes along with finding that dress that got away and as far as hobbies go, I think this is a pretty good one and one that also makes me look pretty good too.

Shopping Info: Retrolicious Portrait Dress and Heels from ModCloth

The Persimmon Tree

One of my fondest memories from my childhood is walking down the hill with my mother hand-in-hand from our old yellow farm house to eat persimmons.  It was always late September before they were ripe and after we'd eaten the fruit we would crack open the seeds to see what kind of winter we would have.  

If there was a little white spoon in the center of the seed, it meant shovels full of snow.  If, on the other hand, it looked like a little white knife it meant a sharp cold winter, but dry.  Was it accurate?  Who cares, it was fun.

By the time winter rolled around, I'd long since forgotten the fruit forecast, but I did look forward to it each year.  I remember loving the way a ripe persimmon tasted, its purplish flesh mushing into my mouth all sweetness and sunshine.  

I also remember the joy it gave us if one of us happened to get an unripe persimmon.  If you've never tasted that gritty-bitterness, words will not do it justice.  It is powerful and long lasting and inexplicable, but hilarious to watch all the contortions is puts on the face of the eater. 

I haven't had persimmons in years, but this year, I couldn't help but notice the myriad of trees all along my daily route and all heavily laden with fruit this year.  

It's my third year here and I haven't noticed this much fruit in years past; it makes me wonder what it says about the weather that's on the way.  

Regardless, I'm preparing for the worst—lots of snow and ice and long days indoors—and I decided that it would be nice on those cold winter days to have some persimmon butter to spread on freshly baked bread with butter.  

Maybe even homemade butter as we've found a local dairy that will sell us fresh milk directly and we can skim the cream off the top and make our own butter, yogurt, and even a fresh farmer's cheese.  Maybe I'm biting off more than I can chew with these culinary projects, but there's something so satisfying about gathering and preparing my own food from scratch.

This morning was overcast with heavy gray clouds threatening torrential rain which never materialized.  Since the kiddos were already settled in at school and nothing else was demanding my attention, I decided to go out and pick some persimmons.  I've been waiting for just the right occasion to wear this Unicorn Peta dress from Collectif.  

I'm such a fan of all their dresses, but the Peta dress has rapidly become a favorite style and when you add a unicorn and hedge hog print to the mix, I simply can't resist.  Persimmon picking seems like the perfect dose of daily magic to bring out a magic infused print like this.

After I filled my basket, I headed home to wash all this delicious fruit and start making persimmon butter and maybe, just maybe I set aside a few slightly green ones to let my loved ones try when they come home.

Shopping Info: COLLECTIF MAINLINE PETA UNICORN GLADE SWING DRESS