Optimistic Effect

Are you a glass half empty or half full kind of person? For most of my life I was definitely a pessimist, always the negative Nancy looking for the rain to ruin the parade, and ever listening for the sound of the other shoe falling. Now I can safely say I am no longer a pessimist—but I'm not an optimist either.  I don't want to be in one extreme or the other.  Now I have found a balanced middle ground and I am a firmly positive realist. What changed?

Pessimism is caused by fear. Many times that fear is backed by experience with disappointment and failure. It is the worry/fear that things won't go well and you will be hurt by them. In order to avoid pain (disappointment is a kind of pain) we start out by waiting for the worst. If it happens, we feel no disappointment, we might even feel gratified that we've avoided pain in this way. If the worst doesn't happen....well, it probably will next time, so better to be prepared, right? Wrong.

I'm not going to talk too much about optimism, because while extreme optimism might delve into sheer denial, even a little pessimism is a poison to your soul. Pessimism doesn't prevent pain, it prevents joy. It doesn't stop you from disappointment, it keeps you from gratitude. It very often happens that the walls we build to protect ourselves become a prison. If you find yourself walled in by negative thinking, how do you get out?

Remember that glass we talked about earlier? If the optimist says the glass is half full, and the pessimist says the glass is half empty, the positive realist says, “There's water in my glass and I'm grateful for it. Let's have another round.” 

It's not a bad thing to look ahead and see what might go wrong, but then plan accordingly! Don't just sit there frozen with fear and depression, and let it happen, and don't let it rob you of your joy and hopefulness.  And then of course, no matter how much you plan, things still might go wrong, but rather than focusing on those things, focus on what went right and what you could improve on for next time.  

So, your wedding wasn't a perfect dream.  The flower girl punched the ring bearer and the minister didn't rehearse so he screwed up your vows—there's a chance you didn't even make vows, no one could tell what the heck he was talking about!—that's being realistic. But, hey, the cake was great, your stunning dress fit like a glove and you get to spend the rest of your life with the person you love—that's being positive.

You might have been born with a certain inclination towards a negative attitude, but ultimately you choose how you view the world, how you interpret events. So, why not choose to see the world as it is, be thankful for all that's good, try to change all that's bad, and learn to accept the rest.  Doing so, will change your life to being something you enjoy living.

Shopping Info: Optimistic Effect Dress from ModCloth, Hat from: SHEIN