Buckle up, folks, it's gonna be another long post.
It was another chilly February day and I was sitting fireside, editing some photos, listening to podcasts to keep me company when I came across an interview between Conan O'Brien and Jack White. They're both top entertainers and I enjoy their work but I'm not exactly on the fan pages. Still, the idea of a conversation between them was intriguing and I had no where else to be, so I sat and listened while I clicked away at LightRoom. The conversation was really interesting. I didn't know anything about Jack White and very little about Conan, but there was something these two great men had in common and it resonated so strongly that I wanted to talk about it. Each of these men said that whenever they get asked by some young person who's trying to break into the field they give them the same advice: You're gonna have to work your butt off to get what you want. Both agreed that while it's helpful, talent is far overrated: what really matters is hard work.
In particular, I remember White saying he knew he could show up in a t-shirt and jeans and play a show on a guitar and people would like it, but that's wasn't enough for him. He wanted to go the extra mile. He put the effort into all aspects of his life. He dressed up for the shows. He chose instruments that were very difficult to play and mastered them. He worked with very small bands, the White Stripes originally only being two people, so that he couldn't dump his creative process or responsibilities off on other people. Maybe he had some natural talent to begin with, but mostly he just did/does the hard work.
Everywhere I look I see sleepers. People doing the bare minimum to live and sleeping their way through life as if it will last forever and they have plenty of time to live. They're phoning it in at their jobs, in their appearance, in their health, and in their relationships. They're talented, intelligent, attractive, competent and yet they're often being ruled by lesser people who are just power greedy enough to do the work that it takes to place them in control of other people's lives.
In their outward being they feel frumpy, or ugly, or gross, but they won't do anything to change their appearance. They won't change their diet, begin exercising, or wear clothes that make them feel good. They don't want to do the work to feel better about how they look and feel. And so when they see a person who is in good shape, dressed nicely, etc. they often say, well, you're just naturally that way. Much like "talent" it is a natural ability that this person was born with and they weren't so it's out of their hands.
In their inward beings, they mostly stay distracted by whatever is on the screen in front of them or some piddley gossip or drama at home or work. Some will even start the drama just to keep the chaos going so they don't have to deal with themselves. Happy people aren't glued to distractions. Unhappy people can't stand to be more than a few minutes without them. But, they see people who are successful at work or in relationships and they say, well you have natural talent, were born rich, or else you must have stolen that from someone. And as far as love and family go, chalk it up to luck.
All these words: talent, nature, born with, luck, they're just excuses for laziness. I know plenty of people born with a excessive amounts of talent who are doing absolutely nothing with it because they didn't want to put in the work to achieve anything with it. Talent is great but it will only get you a small fraction of the way to where ever you want to go. I know this because I was born with no natural talent, I mean NONE, and no family endowments in any way physical or monetary. I didn't get the good genes of the hourglass figure and the great rack. I didn't get the blonde curls or the raven black hair with icy blue eyes, and my family was very poor all my life, they helped when they could but it wasn't much.
And yet I've been hearing all my life how lucky I am. It always baffles me because luck implies it's all been pure chance, that it's handed to me, and that's never once been the case. In school I was at the top of my class and my brother teased and hated me for "being born smarter than him." It hurt deeply because I adored my big bro, but it also baffled me because I didn't consider myself smarter than anyone except for a couple of kids who ate glue. In fact, I wasn't smarter; while he was playing with friends I was doing homework and extra credit assignments. I did the work and then went the extra mile because good grades were important to me. Incidentally because he worked so hard at friendships and relationships he always had tons of friends and girlfriends and I had relatively few because I didn't do the work of meeting people, reaching out, becoming more likeable, etc.
I was talking with a group of moms years ago and the subject of physical fitness came up. One asked what my secret was and I offered a suggestion because she asked and because she was struggling with her weight and was immediately met with a scornful reply of, "easy for you to say, you're naturally thin!" I laughed so hard I may have offended her. These women barely knew me and to have made such an assumption was beyond absurd.
"Naturally thin" implied I did absolutely nothing to be at my fitness level or weight. The truth was that I struggled for years before I finally achieved a healthy relationship with food and exercise. "Naturally thin" implied that I didn't workout 4-6 days per week for 1-2 hours a day and eat a very healthy diet of high protein and fiber with limited sugars and refined carbohydrates. "Naturally thin" also released this woman of doing any of that hard work and it comforted her to think that this was out of her control.
Similarly when it comes to appearance I've heard so many women sigh and say, "I wish I could wear dresses like that, but I just can't." The reasons range from age to money or size but none of it is true. The truth is that dressing well takes effort, it takes work. There's a self-esteem component (why do you believe yourself unworthy or unlovely) to tackle. There's the time spent looking for clothes that express your style while complimenting your body and age. There's the expense, which isn't as much as people believe and can typically be afforded by spending less in other areas--cell phones and streaming services come first to my mind. It's all within a reasonable realm of the possible if only you are willing to make it a priority and do the work.
If any of this has resonated with you, wake up, sleeper! It's time to live your life the way you want to live it. Life is short and nothing good gets handed to us. Whatever you want from your life, you will have to work for it. Better yet, work in all areas of your life to have a well balanced state of being. If you focus only on work, you'll see relationships suffer. If you focus only on appearance, you'll see your mind and spirit suffer. In every area show up and do the work. Love this one and only life you have and be successful at being you.
