Recently I wrote a post about a little spending relapse in my road to freedom from shopping addiction. The post, to my surprise, received quite a few views. To me that means that this is a topic with which many people struggle and want help. But, help with this issue is scarce, so it's something that I'm going to begin talking about regularly. Personally I've felt very alone with this undertaking and have had to muddle through it while people in my life turned a blind eye or called me selfish instead of reaching out to help. Let's face it, helping others is hard and most people, even people we love, just can't be bothered. So, it's been a long, difficult, painful and solitary struggle, but I finally feel like I'm beginning to see the end of this road in sight and I want to help others by sharing what I've learned through it all.
I recommend if you are ready to deal with a hurt, habit, or hang-up of any kind that the very best kind of help you can get is face-to-face with either a support group or a therapist. Once you admit that you need help and take that step, you will find that most addiction recovery programs follow the 12 Step model. You can do the 12 steps on your own, but accountability is a critical part of recovery and you can't get that by yourself, so please if at all possible, the best place to start is side by side with others who can help you carry your burden.
The first step of the 12 Step program is Admitting That You Are Powerless Over Your Addiction. For most people, it's easy to believe that they are handling their habit quite well, in spite of paramount evidence to the contrary, right up until they hit rock bottom. For a shopping addict hitting rock bottom might be when the credit card bills arrive, the utilities get turned off because you've spent your money shopping and now have none left for bills, or when you kids get ready to go to college and find out you've spent their college fund.
For most people the way that they continue in their addiction is by not looking at it. They don't check the accounts, sit down and add up the bills, or keep a count of how many times they've been to the shops this week alone. And there are often layers of little justifications (mental bargaining to make the expense seem ok) like fully intending to pay it back with the next paycheck, but they never can and until finally the truth is out. Rock bottom is one of those places that everyone who loves us tries to keep us away from. Unfortunately, for most people that's the only place they'll begin to seek help.
If you're struggling with shopping addiction might I suggest that you first get honest with yourself about your spending by keeping a very detailed spending journal for at least one month. Don't tally, just spend as usual and write everything down. Then, at the end of the month add up every single penny you have spent. You may find yourself at rock bottom when you look at those numbers and multiply them by 12 months, adding in a little extra for the holidays. It can be quite a shock but one that you must own as part of step one, admitting that you are out of control and your addiction has been controlling you.
Once you've kept a journal for at least a month, it's time to analyze times/days when you are more prone to spending so you can begin to see what triggers you and create a plan to deal with those things in healthy ways. For example, let's say that you notice that you tend to spend money at a particular shop that's on your way home from work. The easiest way to avoid that temptation is to change your route going home. Or perhaps you notice that certain times of the month or certain events like the big weekly business meeting trigger you to spend to alleviate stress. To combat this you could schedule exercise directly after the big meeting so you can clear your head with physical activity instead of spending.
Continue keeping your journal and as you notice a pattern and create your strategy for success, it's time to set a spending limit. Be reasonable! No one is going to go from spending $5000 per month to $50. You might be able to do that for a while, but what's more likely is that just like with highly restrictive dieting, you'll starve yourself for awhile only to binge big time and maybe even end up spending more than before. So, let's say you spend $5000 on shopping each month. For next month, limit yourself to $4,500. That's a small decrease and very doable. Then, after a month or two, drop yourself down to $4,000 and so on until you reach a level that is prudent and feasible.
Expect that at some point you will have a relapse. Make a plan for what you will do if you get off track to help ease you back on again and most importantly get someone in your life to whom you can be accountable. (That's technically step 5 in the program, but it really helps if you can get that person right from the start) Since this is a topic that I struggled with alone for so long and since it was such a popular post when I last talked about it, I'm going to keep writing about it. As a matter of fact, let's talk about and work through the 12 Steps together, and if at any point along the way you feel like reaching out to talk and have an accountability partner, just use the "contact me" button and I'd be more than happy to do that for you.
Shopping Info: For this post, everything in my outfit is old to help you avoid temptation.
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