No Training Wheels

I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was ten years old.  I lived on a farm where it was easier or more reasonable to walk over the rough terrain than struggle with a bike.  The day finally came when I began to be teased by my friends for not having learned this basic childhood skill, so I went to my parents and asked for a bike.  My brother had only learned to ride a bike shortly before I decided to learn, also wanted a bike of his own and so the relentless pestering began until my mom got us bikes.  She drove by the local Trading Post on that Friday afternoon and saw a row of rusty old bikes out front.  From the rubble, we located a blue mountain bike and a pink town bike.  My brother promptly named his bike, "Blue Thunder," while I settled on "Pink Lady" for obvious reasons.

 

After a few days of the bike not being ridden, my dad asked why he had spent good money ($10 in the early 90s was good money indeed) on a bike I didn't ride.  "I'm waiting for training wheels," I explained.  I could see my dad's jaw clench, and immediately knew there would be no training wheels.  His lips curled back to speak, but his teeth remained clenched, "If I get you training wheels, you'll never take them off."  It is possible that my father just knew me really well, that his keen parental observations of my behavior and character gave him an insight into my soul and that he could tell that I was a person who would never walk on her own two feet if someone offered me a crutch.  It's far more likely though that dad didn't want to spend the time or money on training wheels as they would have cost more than the bike and been " a booger" to install.  Dad's eyes narrowed as he focused on me, "You wanted the bike," he said, then flicked his finger like a switchblade in the direction of Pink Lady, "now get out there and learn to ride it."

My older brother, ever the teacher, offered to show me how to correctly ride a bike.  After several attempts, he looked me over and decided we should switch our focus to how to safely fall off of a bike.  Both skills have served me well as I have indeed needed to know both how to ride a bike and how to throw myself off of a number of moving things-bikes, stubborn horses, tenacious mopeds, etc. moments before they crashed.  As frightened as I was of learning to ride with no safety precautions, (in addition to training wheels, Dad also didn't believe in the unnecessary expense involved in acquiring helmets or knee pads, making this an all or nothing venture)  I did learn to ride a bike in only a couple of grueling 12 hour days.  But, hey, that's what summer break is for.  I also learned something very important about myself: my dad was right, if I have the safety net, I'll never take it down.  If I don't have it, I usually do just fine, or at least learn to fall properly.

I have recently begun two new jobs and started taking classes.  I have remarked several times that I've never been so bad at so many things at once.  It's all new, and scary, and I'm learning, but while I'm still learning, I am making a lot of mistakes.  At one of my jobs, my co worker was suddenly called away for a week on a family emergency and I was left without a safety net.  She said I could message her with questions, but how could I bother her while she was sitting in a hospital waiting for news?  I was just going to have to figure this one out on my own.  I can tell you that I made a LOT of mistakes while she was away, some of which she may still have yet to discover, so let's hope she likes surprises, but without her there to tell me step-by-step how to do things, I figured a lot of it out on my own, and I think I'll remember it much better because I did it on my own.  For me, the best way to learn, really is to just jump in and do it.

I used to hate making mistakes, come to think of it, I don't know anyone who gets handed a write-up at work or a term paper full of red marks, that joyfully grabs it, clutches it to their chest, and and thinks, hooray, I f---ked up big time!, but I was so embarrassed by my inadequacies and so afraid of failure that if I couldn't be instantly good at something, I wouldn't do it at all.  As you can imagine, having a mindset like that made life pretty boring, because as it turns out, I have never been instantly good at anything and I spent a lot of time not doing anything or trying anything.

As I have gotten older, I've learned to take my inadequacies in stride, because everyone has them, and to see my failures as opportunities to either improve or to just not take myself so seriously.  I have learned that I don't have to be good at something to enjoy it.  If you don't believe that you should hear me singing in the car each morning.  I mean, wow, is it awful in a Notes? What Notes? kind of way, but I enjoy every second of it.

If and when I fall, it only makes me a little smarter and a little tougher.  As much as I love a good crutch to lean on, I never gain any confidence that way.  Instead, while it does keep me safe, it also holds me back from doing my best and being my best and I'd like to think my dad knew that.

A Time to Keep

Every year, I have my own little rituals.  They're just things I do to observe special moments that aren't official holiday, but probably should be.  With all the silly holidays out there, like Lasagna Day and Shrimp Day, why not add a few of my own by observing things like Wild Daisy Day--that's what today is.  It's Mother's Day too and rest assured I have already spoken to my mom and wished her a happy mother's day and will be seeing her for lunch later.  But, this moment is just between me and the flowers.

There's no official date for it, of course, the time of celebration gets dictated by nature itself, and I celebrate it each year by visiting a few favorite quiet places that are just brimming with these pretty flowers.  I thought I'd don something special for this day with this pretty pom pom flower cardigan from my latest collaboration with ChicWish.  I've been aching for this cardi and it is beyond lovely and perfect for the occasion.

And how do I celebrate, you may ask?  By simply enjoying for hours on end, this lovely, peaceful place and perhaps picking just enough for a tiny tabletop bouquet so my whole family can enjoy this special moment of the spring as well.

There is so much uncertainty in life, that's nothing new, but now there seem to be so many angry miserable, easily offended people too, that it's easier than ever to become bogged down in it all and get so busy surviving, we forget to actually live.  

In the past few years since starting this blog I've seen good times and horrible times and everything in between.  Through it all I have learned to take a moment after each storm passes to just breathe and relax, to pause and appreciate the wonder and the world around me. 

There is something to celebrate about each day, something to be thankful for or feel joyous about, something to make each precious moment a time to keep. 

Shopping Info: BUTTON UP FLORAL POM-POM KNIT CARDIGAN-$82.90 FROM CHICWISH, Baby Pinstripe Dress by Family Affairs

Almost Time for Tea

I had hoped when this Tea Biscuit dress arrived to complete my casual tea-time outfit that I would in fact be ready for tea time to return.  Make no mistake, I have still been having tea-time, but sans ceremony.  It's been more like a quick cup and a cookie after I get home and before I feed the animals and begin the evening chores all winter long, not the well planned mental vacation I indulge in during the other three seasons of the year.

I've missed my time outdoors and hoped that this dress would arrive in time to christen tea-time's return.  Alas, my bistro set is in need of a fresh coat of paint, the stone patio is in need of weeding (you can see the dark spot on the ground where I burned off the leaves and the grass hasn't grown back yet), my table cloths have been thoroughly stained at other parties over the winter, and Mr. Bleu is currently refraining from sweets, so the biscuit tin is empty.

So, it looks as though even though summer is here early, tea time will not be.  I typically have everything done and ready by the end of May for the Memorial Day long weekend, but not before.  I'll just have to prioritize a little more outdoors time each day if I'm going to make it though.

I have my moments when it all seems a little daunting.  It's not just the outdoor arrangements that need tending to, but I have new recipes to try, not to mention bread to bake in the outdoor oven.  Tea with toast and jam sounds just as good as cookies to me.  I don't let myself worry about it for more than a moment.  One way or another I'll work it all in.  Maybe this dress won't be at the start of afternoon tea, but maybe it was exactly what I needed to help me remember to get started before the warm days slip away.  

Shopping Info:  Blush Polka Dot Pullover-$39 from YeMak, Flats from VIVAIA, ModCloth's Biscuit Dress by Bea & Dot from Poshmark

 

Lemon Polka Dot

This afternoon has been lovely.  We spent the morning doing all the household and farm chores.  Our little piggies, who are really not little at all anymore, require more and more space, so before the sun got too hot, Mr. Bleu expanded their pen to give them fresh rooting ground and they were delighted.

 

Although I was on stand-by to help with the pen at a moment's notice, I spent the morning doing laundry and getting as much baking done as possible before the week begins again and my time evaporates like the steam rising off my morning cup of tea.  I baked banana muffins for breakfast on the go, and soaked some pinto beans to go into the crock pot for easy dinners.  I typically also make a big batch of buttermilk pancakes as well, but those rarely make it to Monday morning as people sleep in late and spend the mid-morning casually grazing, so I decided to skip those this week and focus on other chores instead.

Once all the usual tasks were well in hand, I glanced at the clock and realized it was time for lunch.  I just purchased some organic pasta that is made in Italy and promises to be better than average, so to celebrate what seems to be the early start to summer, I decided to make my favorite summertime meal:  Pasta with sautéed spinach and mushrooms, topped with finely grated gruyère cheese.  Since it was already sweltering outside I opted for a light and fruity beverage by mixing sparkling lemonade with a few drops of chilled vodka.  Perfection!  I truly think I could enjoy this meal in some variation everyday.

By my own admission, I detest the winter and love the summer.  I'm just not ready for summer yet.  Springtime here is always a disappointment because it's never really its own season.  Rather, springtime is always an extension of winter or an advancement of summer and nothing in between.  I could use a more subtle transition, but I guess it's not up to me, so I'll just have to take what I can get.  It's sunshine and time outdoors and that's what matters.

Shopping Info:  Polka Dot Cardigan-$45 from YeMak, Lemon Dress from CollectifLondon, Margot 2.0 Flats-$79 from VIVAIA

Another Way, Monet

With all the hype surrounding Selkie's Monet release, I almost overlooked this long sought after Monet print from ModCloth circa 2015.  As you know, I not only do I love all things Impressionist, but I also tend to latch on to things and never let them go.  Such is the case with all things ModCloth from 2012-2017.  That was during the golden era when Susan Gregg Koger was still in charge and ModCloth felt like a carefully curated collection of beautiful things that made your girlish vintage dreams come true.

The trouble back then was that every dress I desired was $100 or more and my budget did not allow for more than one pretty MC dress per month at the very most while ModCloth was showcasing at least half a dozen dresses a month that went on my wishlist.  So, I ended up with an ever growing list of wishes that I have hung on to in my heart long after my MC list has been defunct.

Undeterred by the sold out signs or the passage of time, I turned to the resale sites and have kept a watchful eye on my favorite MC brands to see if these coveted pieces ever manifested.  If you've been reading the blog for any significant amount of time then you already know that now and then they do.  And when they do I pounce on them like a hungry bear on an unattended picnic.

This beauty popped up on ThredUp last year but I missed it by mere minutes and so opted for another gem (which you can see here) that was lower on my list but also painting themed and still available.  The search continued, I'd already waited seven years, what was one more, until I finally found this dress again, this time on Poshmark.  I made a reasonable offer, the seller accepted, and one short week later, I'm wearing the original Monet dress that stole my heart.  Of course I paired it with my brightest pinks--my YeMak sweater and VIVAIA flats

Shopping Info: VIAIA ARIA 5º Flats in Pitaya-$79 save an extra 20% with promo code BLEU at checkout.  YeMAK vintage inspired caridgan in Magenta-$36.95 from YeMaksweater.com ModCloth Museum Matrimony Dress by Bea & Dot from Poshmark

Red Flags & Rose Colored Glasses

 "When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags."  Bojack Horseman

I've never watched this Horseman show, don't really know anything about it, but that quote shows a lot of wisdom in its own simple way.  I always considered myself to be a very analytical, even cynical, jaded was also a term used to describe me by others, which is exactly how and why I could see every red flag coming a mile away in my work and acquaintances.  

And yet, as realistically as I saw the world, the outside world anyway, when it came to the small circle of people that I truly loved and trusted, I viewed them all through rose colored glasses.  And all the red flags just looked like regular flags.  And that, my friends, is how even the most sensible and guarded person can still get totally blindsided in her personal life.  

It's easy to stand on the outside of someone else's misfortune and say, "I can't believe she let that happen.  How did she miss the signs?"  People miss the signs, the red flags, the glaring and obvious truths staring them in the face, the same way that I did, we dismiss them because we view the person causing them or the world around us at its best.  We trust this person or this mean old world and don't suspect that people who claim to love us, not only don't love us back but are actually intentionally trying to harm us.  Who wants to go through life thinking that way about the people they love?  Certainly not me.  And yet, here we are.  So, if you're like me, and you did the thing that normal human beings do, you loved someone enough to trust them, and then you got hurt, you could go in the opposite extreme of your rose-colored innocence, and become bitter and suspicious of the whole world and everyone in it.  That's an option, and one I have personally seen far too many people embrace so they will feel safe from further harm, but I don't recommend it.  Bitterness is poison to your body and soul, and suspicion will exhaust you without ever brining you the things you want, which are love/acceptance, safety, and peace.  So, what's the alternative?

I often turn to the Bible for answers to tough questions and painful situations and I always find the answer.  In this particular situation, I found my answer here: “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." Matthew 10:16 NIV  You see, my friends, we are very unfortunately sheep among wolves.  (I am a sheep anyway, and I hope you are too, someone who lives their life as honestly as possible, trying to mind my own business and generally treat others with the kind of respect I would like to see in return.)  Sheep are the innocent and wolves are those who seek to prey on them, use and manipulate them, and leave them wounded or dying without a second thought.  Now that you know you are living among wolves, you must be as shrewd-calculating and sharp in your judgement-as a serpent and as innocent-morally guiltless-as a dove.  That sounds like a pretty tall order.  How do we ever walk that line?

It might look different for you, but for me, it means that I no longer assume the best of anyone (shrewd) but neither do I assume the worst (innocent).  I treat all the people in my life the same way.  Whether I love them, despise them, or don't know them at all, I assume that they are capable of both great kindness and infinite cruelty.  I hope for kindness, but prepare for cruelty.  I don't accuse without proof and I don't trust without verification.  My heart and actions are still moral, but no longer naïve.  None of this is a guarantee against getting hurt again, that's just a part of life, after all, but it does make it a little more difficult.  If that's the best I can do without losing my joy for living and turning into a bitter miserable person, I'll take it.

Finding Time

Whatever it is you want to do with your life, please believe me when I say, You Have the Time.  

Anytime someone said, “I just don't have the time,” a certain acquaintance of mine loved to remark, “You have 24 hours in a day just like everyone else.”  This acquaintance of mine wasn't particularly wise, in fact in many ways I used his choices and attitudes as examples of what-not-to-do.  But on this one point, he was spot on, and it was irksome to everyone who heard it because it was true.  That phrase totally eliminated all excuses that we all have for not getting things done.  No one person has any more or less time than another, it's simply a matter of how we use it.  Of course we all have obligations and responsibilities that demand a certain part of our time, but what about the rest? 

Let's suppose you are a S.E.W. kind of person, meaning the only things you get done in a week are Sleep, Eat, and Work.  There are 168 hours in a week.  Let's suppose you get the recommended eight hours of sleep per night which gives you a weekly total of 56 hours spent sleeping, and let's say 21 hours each week spent preparing and consuming meals, and 40 hours spent at a full time job.  That's only 117 hours of your weekly total.  But, let's get a little more realistic about obligations and include in that total a generous nine hours for bathroom business and getting dressed/undressed, and let's say another 3 hours doing laundry, dishes, and some light cleaning and roughly 9 hours spent commuting.  That leaves 30 hours unclaimed by the “have-to's” of life.   You probably call those unclaimed hours “the weekend” but somehow those hours are full too.

What would you do with 30 extra hours?  Chances are you already have an answer.  Everyone has things they'd like to do but tell themselves they don't have time for.  Would you like to take up a hobby like painting or knitting?  Wish you could be more active and squeeze in a workout each day?  Are you staring gloomily at that microwave meal, longing to cook your own healthy gourmet meals? Thirty hours would be enough to do any--or all-- of that wouldn't it?

So, if you have that much time, why does it feel like you're always rushing around, with no time to spare?  Where is all that time going?  The first place to look is the nearest screen.  The average person in America spends 2.5 hours a day on social media, this does not include other screen time spent watching t.v., etc.   The average European doesn't fair much better.   And I would guess that most of us call that time our “winding down” from all the have-to's of the day.  The trouble is that screen time is incredibly addictive and there are more temptations to waste time than ever before.  Not only  can we watch entire t.v series all in one go, but social media, video games, and online shopping abound to draw us into a virtual world that actually leaves us feeling more drained than when we sat down.

The good news is that there is a solution to all this chaos, but it's not what most people want to hear.  The answer is self control.  Sorry, I know that sucks, but it helps to get a plan and then be committed to sticking to it. 

Decide how much time you need.  What is the minimum time commitment this new hobby or activity is going to take?  That's the place where you start and then build on from there.  When I decided to get active as a new mother, I knew I could never work out for an hour a day, all in one go, so I decided to do 30 minutes a day 4 days per week.  Then after that became part of my routine, I found time to squeeze in an extra 15 to 30 minutes a day or an extra half hour on another day or two each week.

Are you an Early Bird or a Night Owl? Your body has natural peaks in energy, some people get out of bed at 4 a.m. ready to face the day and some don't get motivated until 9 p.m. Figure out when you're are at your creative best and set aside a chunk of time to be creative.  I would caution you against letting that creative time run late so that it starts affecting your sleep.  For me, wanting to exercise, the best time was first thing in the morning.  I never have the energy at the end of the day.  On the other hand, I feel more creative at the end of the day.  I do my sewing in the evenings after dinner instead of watching t.v.

Give Yourself Room to Grow.   It's tempting to set your goals high, especially when you're excited and full of will power, but be realistic.  As I mentioned, when I first started my postnatal workouts, I wanted to work out an hour a day six days a week, but realistically I only had 30 minutes a day, sometimes less, and only 3 or four days a week.  So, in the beginning, I made my commitment 30 minutes a day for two days a week because I knew I could keep that and then begin to add on.  As life changed and my children grew, I found I had more time to exercise, but still never a whole hour at a time.  I increased my workouts to include an afternoon walk, usually with one child walking and with one in a Bjorn style carrier.  In this way I was able to meet my fitness goals over the long term and was patient with myself while I incorporated lasting change into my schedule.  For a while I struggled with a.m. depression.  I found it extremely difficult to get out of bed even one minute early in a cold dark house full of sad memories.  I was back to square one in that regard but I kept looking for a strategy that would get me moving four to six days a week again instead of two or three.   The answer to that came in the form of an even busier schedule.  No time to mope, I have to get moving now, and even earlier than ever, but it motivates me to get out of bed or not only will I not exercise, but I'll also be the last to shower which means a cold shower.  No, thank you.

Stay in the Middle.  You will likely find that as you carve out time for something you enjoy, you'll want to devote more and more time to it.  This can be a wonderful thing, but remember to stay balanced.  If you begin neglecting the have-to's for the want-to's, you're in the ditch on the other side of the road and you need to head back to the middle.  Don't skip work or neglect your family so you can do your hobby and keep your screen time.  Work and family first, then the fun stuff.  I have seen marriages fall apart because of someone's obsessive hobbying and people have lost their jobs for spending too much time goofing off instead of working.  So, be smart with how you prioritize your time.

Remember when you plunk down in front of your screen next time that your life is ending one click at a time.  One of life's major goals is to minimize regret, so that at the end of it all we don't look back and say, I wish I had done_____.   Better get out there and start doing it, whatever it is, while you have the energy and while you definitely have the time.

Shopping Info:  Ophelia Illuminated Dress from Samantha Pleet, Peacock Cardigan from YeMak, Ginger Flats from VIVAIA.

Wallflower Sewing Project

My cotton ritz dresses from Selkie are among my most favorite dresses of all time.  Every print is a story and they all bring me joy just to look at them, but like nearly every Selkie I own, they needed some alterations to make them fit into my lifestyle.

The cotton Ritz comes with a 20"/51cm tall ruffle that runs all the way around the bottom.  Even being slightly on the taller side like myself means that the dress still drags the ground making it totally impractical for daily wear even though cotton is a daily-wear kind of fabric.  The only sensible solution was to shorten the ruffle, so I did.  I did it on each of my cotton ritz dresses, a terrace gown, and a seashell gown as a matter of fact and the very first dress I tried this on was the Wallflower Ritz. 

 

Since this was the first dress I tried this on, I think I actually took off a bit too much.  I shortened the ruffle by half, taking 10"/25cm off of it.  In future dresses I learned to take only 7"/18cm off so the that it is floor length without dragging.  But, it was all part of the learning process, and after I had shortened it, I was left an extremely long band of beautiful fabric.  I looked at it for months, trying to figure out the best way to use it.

The answer came in the form of a bodice from Simplicity pattern 8252 because it only uses two narrow strips for the front of the bodice, one narrow strip for the back, and no sleeves, only small straps.  I did have to sew a small extension piece at the side of each bodice piece so that it fully fit the pattern, but that was no trouble.

I knew for the skirt, the only kind I'd be able to get from this long strip of fabric was a tiered gathered skirt.  I searched YouTube for a pattern and found this Lolita skirt that gave me the basic ratios on the tiers and then modified the width of each piece since I wanted a long peasant style skirt and not a Lolita Mini Skirt.

I kept the lengths of each tier the same, but modified the widths of the sections so that Tier 1 was 5.5"/14cm, Tier 2 was 7.5"/19cm and Tier 3 was 10"/25.5cm.  I hand sewed the gathering seam since my machine was on the fritz and I couldn't handle the thought of it dying on my in the middle of this project.  Then I pinned and gathered for hours to get everything properly spaced and lined up.  This was by far the most time consuming part of the project.

I am so happy with how this dress turned out, I wish I could make more.  (You can see the other two dresses I made with this pattern here and here.)  Unfortunately, because I cut all the other ruffles 7" instead of 10, I won't be able to repeat this dress with the other left over ruffles, but I will think of something and keep you posted.