Style Your Life and Wear Your Attitude

"Fashion you can buy, but style you possess.  The key to style is learning who you are, which takes years.  There's no how-to road map to style.  It's about self-expression, and, above all, attitude."  
Iris Apfel

Style is all about learning who you are, the kind of life you live and the kind of person you want to represent to the world.  The most wonderful thing about style is that it can always change right along with you, especially when the message you're sending to the world isn't what you really want to say anymore.  

A few years ago I remember hearing a fashion mentor of mine say that she didn't like wearing dresses anymore.  She'd hit menopause and was no longer comfortable in the clothes she used to love.  I was a little sad to see her change, but darn if that woman still didn't look great in her trousers and sneakers.  Even though her style had changed, she was still totally chic and stylish.

In the past year of reflection and contemplation, I've noticed my own style preferences changing as my life changes.  I'm getting older and feeling more and more like I'll leave the novelty prints to the younger women of the world.  I still love dresses, but I've been gravitating to more understated prints and lots of natural fabrics like cotton and linen and far away from polyester mini dresses with puffy sleeves.  That's just not me at the moment.

 

While I love and truly appreciate all the well meaning people who respond to such statements with affirmations of "you're never too old; wear whatever you want!"  the very best and most interesting sense of style comes from really knowing who you are and having the attitude to wear it.  I know who I am, who I've been and who I want to be quite well, which is why it I know when it's time to change and it doesn't bother me at all.  Besides, if the quote at the top is true then most of what makes style great is attitude and I've got plenty of that, so no matter how things change, I think I'll be just fine.

Outfit Info:  Sonnet Dress from Ivy City Co.  Heels by Bettie Page.

A New Kind of Day

 ~If nothing changes then nothing changes~

Continuing from my previous post....This morning I woke up with no where to be but here.  That is a long absent feeling.  As a young mother I felt that way every single day.  I woke up ready to be here, to be with my children, taking care of their needs and the needs of the home.  Being a mother and homemaker was truly the happiest and most rewarding experience of my life.  It's very much the typical human experience that the "good times" only get that label when we're looking back.  We don't realize they truly were the good times until they are over, but I knew these were the best times right then and there, in each and every moment and that was an amazing gift.

And when it was over, I knew it too.  Life has moved on and changed and not in ways I wanted it to.  To be frank, I have not been living the kind of life I wanted to live for the past decade at least.  My years in Japan were not the beginning, but were certainly the apex and I have struggled since to smile and try to find things to enjoy, but love?  No, I have not loved this life at all.  I knew from observation that life could go on this way indefinitely.  As much as I wanted something to change, I knew that it was just as possible that nothing would.  Unless I made it happen.

Around May of 2022 I was offered an opportunity.  I didn't jump at it; I prayed about it and thought about it.  For seven months actually.  I decided to take a step in a different direction.  For all of 2023 I worked three jobs and took classes.  It was grueling but also refreshing to have such focus and goals.  I became excessively tired of hearing, "you're probably just stressed," whenever someone in my life acted like a total tool and I called them out for it, mostly because I wasn't stressed.  I felt like I was living again for the first time in so, so long.  (I also noticed that the people who flung this accusation at me also didn't offer to help take some of the presumed burden off my shoulders either.)

So, I worked and toiled 50+ hours per week plus classwork on the weekends, and plans changed along the way and then suddenly, there it was, the end of this particular race.  It was the last day of one job that I have worked for seven years and there were tears and sad partings.  So much so that I actually sat in my car in the parking lot, looking at all the flowers and cards and thought, "Oh, no!  I have just made a huge mistake."  But, it was too late to take it back, all I could do was move forward with the change.  So I came home, had a nice quiet weekend, and then, woke up today, the first day of this new path.

 

It won't be like the last time, it can't ever be like that again, but I'm excited to see where this leads.  After exercising, I slipped on this lively misty rose linen dress from LinenNaive.  These dresses have become my stay-at-home staples.  After running out to take a few snowy photos, I spent my morning cleaning, meal planning, and thinking about what I want to accomplish with this time at home however long it lasts.  I'll still be working away from my home several days per week and I am taking classes again for further certification, but I hope and expect to be here more, to take care of my home again, and I am quite pleased with that possibility.

So, after the cleaning up was all done, I set about making a hearty stew and a loaf of bread for our dinners tomorrow and a rich meatloaf with greenbeans and roasted sweet potatoes for dinner tonight.  I cared for the animals, kept the fire going, and loaded the woodbox for the evening, so that when Mr. Bleu and my girls come home they will have nothing to do but enjoy a hot meal and relax.  And I will sit and relax with them for a while before tidying up again and going to bed to read a few chapters of the latest installment in the Shady Hollow Mystery series by Juneau Black that I have been found to be the perfect evening read.

Life.  My life, but slower.  I am ready for that and just that.  I am ready for things to change for the better.  As much as I am sad to leave certain aspects of my life for the past few years, I understand that for things to change, something has to change.  If nothing changes, then nothing changes and I'm afraid I just can't keep everything the same and still have the life I truly want.  So, today something changes and I hope it is for not just the better, but for the very best.

Outfit Info:  Linen Regency Corset Dress in Misty Rose from LinenNaive

A Different Kind of Day

We're addicted.  We are a world of people addicted to great multitudes of things and very few of them are good for us.  I saw it years ago, long before smart phones and social media came along, when it was just video games and the good ol' internet sinking its claws into people.  I remember watching my friends and family members of the same age abandon pretend play in favor of sitting in front of a screen for hours on end desperately trying to get a stereotypical Italian plumber to smash turtles and rescue a princess.  And it only got worse.  Once I saw it, I couldn't un-see it.  And I wanted out.

As a single young woman, I had so much control over my life that I made a committment to do things differently, to not join the rat race.  As a young mother, I opted out of the standard life that everyone seemed OK living and worked hard at giving my children something different.  It was a blessing to not only live my dream and according to my convictions but to show my children a different way.  But, the house always wins, as they say, and the world broke through my safe haven and burnt it to the ground.  So, I had to give in and live life in a way that I never wanted to, and I can say with all honesty that every single moment of it has felt like an utter waste.  I kept going, because what else is there to do?

Now it seems that life has brought me to a fork in the road.  And I had to make a very hard choice.  What made it difficult is that there was no right and wrong in this decision, only right or left.  So, I chose.  While I am sad for all the things I am leaving behind, this morning I woke up to a different kind of day.  A day more like the kind of life I wanted to lead, was blessed to lead for a time.  A life where there is less.  Less rush, less chaos, less clutter, less chatter, less interactions, less complications, less wants.  Just less.  

Wake up, make the bed, do the dishes, read and meditate, exercise, cook, vacuum, sweep, care, tend, dust, straighten, listen, rest.

I was foolish enough to think it would last forever on the last go round.  This time I'll be more careful to know and accept that this may not last forever, but I will make the most of each and every day, beginning this morning with a different kind of day.

Outfit Info: TopShop Top from ThredUp, Use my link to sign up and save $20 off your first order, 

Brown Checkers Classic Skirt from Son de Flor. Use my link and save 10% off your first order 

SnowBound

As much as I would love to not merely say spring has sprung, but shout it from the rooftops, that just isn't the case in my neck of the woods.  Spring isn't really due here for another six weeks at least, but that doesn't stop the bunnies from bombing every single photo I try to take.  We haven't quite figured out what to do with these fluffy little escapees, but if we don't get them back into their houses soon, they'll eat all my chammomile while it's still sprouting and that will likely be the end of my herb garden.  We still have a bit of time though as we just wrapped up yet another snow storm.

What started as a little snowstorm, turned into a snowy weekend, then into a snowday, then turned into being snowbound for a week.  Yes, that's right, we were snowed in together for a whole week.  Now, this wasn't really new for us, it usually happens once every year or at least every other year, but, I truly wasn't expecting it to happen so early in the year which makes me wonder if we'll have to do this more than once in 2024.

Being raised here, I've never been caught off guard by the weather since the one year when I was ten that we were out of electricity for ten days and in the end resorted to eating defrosted but still cold bean on bread.  Ever since then I have been keenly aware that life out here, and indeed anywhere, does involve a certain element of constant preparedness because should anything happen weather or pandemics or the like, we're just too far away from the city to easily or quickly make a last minute stock-up.   

 

The weather rolled through on a Friday morning.  I set to work making bread and stew, foods that could reheat easily over the wood stove should we lose electricity.  Did the vacuuming and the laundry so everything would be tidy, once again should we lose power but still be expected to go to work, we'll need clean clothes or if we stay home as we did, it's nice to be cooped up in an orderly, well kept home.  Then it was time to fill up some empty milk jugs with water for flushing toilets, watering animals, or washing dishes and hands.  The wood was all stacked on the porch, but with temperatures expected to be 30° below freezing, I knew we'd be using a lot of firewood.

For six days, we watched the weather from our windows, unable to leave our little farm, not even venturing outdoors unless it was to care for our animals.  When we did go out, our fingers would be aching and frozen within minutes in spite of all the layers we wore.  That meant that instead of taking only 20 minutes, taking care of the animals stretched on into 45 minutes to an hour as we had to make trips back to the house to warm up.  On the seventh day, the weather improved enough that we left to run some errands, restock our fridge, and generally just be out of the house.  We had a brief two or three days of temps still below freezing so nothing melted but we managed to slip and slide down our driveway to make it to work and school, and then another storm moved in.  This time it was ice. 

The best way I have found to be cabin fever is to schedule my day.  I make myself a list of tasks to complete each day, like all the cooking I mentioned above, interspersed with a great movie, and more little things like making the bed, dusting the book case, organizing my sock drawer, and then check each one off after it's completed so I can look back over my day and see the progress.  In that way I get to relax and rest a lot, but also get up and get busy a lot too, so I don't get bored.  My home has never looked better than after this winter, because I finally got around to doing a lot of the little things that often get pushed aside on the weekends in favor of bigger house chores.  For example, Ihave had two shirts sitting in my closet for two years now that need to be cut up into quilt squares, but I haven't made time.  Now they're taken care of and I have a little extra space in my closet too.

Baking is a great comfort activity during these times I have found and something I can invite a family member to join me in if anyone else is starting to feel bored too.  We made stew, chili, chicken and dumplings, chocolate chip cookies, apple pie, fresh bread, beans and cornbread, chocolate cookies with white chips, and the list goes on.  I never really made an abundance of food each day so that we sat around noshing all the time, but just enough so that there were always lovely things to look forward to for each day's main meals.  The ice finally melted to rain and then the weather shifted to warmer days.  This may be the one and only winter event we get this year and that will be A-OK with me, but I truly did enjoy all our time together as a family snowbound.  I know it's all hard to believe while looking at photos of ethereal white rabbits and utterly snowless ground, but it really did happen, I promise.

Spring Things with Voodoo Vixen

In spite of the recent snow storms, on my drive to work the other day, I saw varitable hosts of daffodils budding, so I know it's only a matter of weeks now before winter gives up for another year.

In the meantime I am most definitely getting out all my springtime hues starting with this Moth and Flower Print Flare Dress from Voodoo Vixen.

The Sale is on right now at Voodoo Vixen, so this is the perfect time for a springtime wardrober refresh.  After all these long dreary months, we deserve a little color in our lives!

Outfit Info:  Moth and Flower Print Flare Dress-£44 from Voodoo Vixen, Cropped Daily Cardigan-$33.50 from YeMak, Shoes by Bettie Page.

Life Moving Forward

Today was the perfect snowy day.  Not too cold with so many fluffy flakes swirling around, and it will likely be the last for the season, so I knew I had to rush out in my pretty linen house dress to snap a few photos before it melted away.  I spoke in a previous post about taking a hard look at my life and begining a complete renovation of my home, my wardrobe, and the way I view my life in general.  In that post, I spoke mainly about the mental work of getting real about life, what it is and what I can reasonably make it into.  I also talked about all the work we've done renovating our home and decluttering our stuff.  In this post, I want to look at another way I have begun to make changes, and that is to my wardrobe. 

Ever since I was a little girl I have loved antique and vintage styles and whimsical prints.  When ModCloth came along it made all those styles available for me to fulfill my lifelong passion for those dresses.  I was 30-ish and it worked for me.  For over a decade it worked for me.  In fact, for the past seven years I worked a job where I was celebrated for my fashion choices, the more whimsical the better.  Now all that has changed.  Not only am I in my 40s and starting to feel a little silly in certain styles, (ahem, puff dresses) but I also have a job where such things are extremely inappropriate.  It was time to change.  I knew it, and I was ready.  Those clothes just were not accurately representing me and the way I felt about myself to the world anymore.

That's the thing I love about fashion, "it's a journey, not a destination" as Marie-Anne Lecoeur says.  If something isn't working for you and getting you the results you want, you get to totally change it.  So, I have been changing my wardrobe.  I've switched from baggy pajama pants to sleek vintage nightgowns, and whimsical novelty prints to basic understated prints such as polka dots or stripes in natural fibers and timeless styles.  I have been exploring brands such as Linennaive and Sondeflor, who make these linen dresses to last and last and last.  This Phoenix dress has been my go-to for wearing around the farm on these blustery winter days and I absolutely feel at home in this dress.  I feel like myself.

One thing that I really do want to focus on moving forward is fashion that lasts.  Frequent readers will know that in this new year, I am trying to really cut my spending and be very mindful about what I buy.  To that end, I set myself a generous clothing budget for 2024, and then turned around and spent about 2/3 of it in the  month of January alone on some slow fashion pieces like this dress from Linennaive.  I also got a couple of hauls from ThredUp of basic pieces in neutral tones that I hope will become more like a capsule wardrobe that I will wear most of the year.  (More about that in an upcoming post)

I had a rough start to the year.  January has to be the worst month for new beginnings and resolutions to make a fresh start.  For starters, it's unbearably cold, people everywhere are getting sick, there are snowdays, and while we're cooped up we're usually surrounded by all that stuff we said we wanted to ditch in the new year, like junk food, too much television, and online shopping.  Yes, advertisers are running circles around themselves to get us to keep spending after Christmas and as much as I really wanted to start a new No-Spend and be successful at it, I had a deep sense of foreboding about starting in January.  

I also had some serious emotional upheavals occur.  I knew they were coming but they still weren't easy and shopping is a coping mechanism.  There was one particularly difficult day when I wanted to come home, throw my things down and just shop.  Which I did.  I had about $500 worth spread across various shopping carts, but instead of buying it, I decided to get up and do something productive.  Four sinks of dishes later (yes, that's right, apparently no one had done them in days) I decided to just wait on any purchases until the next day.  The next day I decided to wait until the next day.  On that third day, I spent $50 on some fabric for a sewing project and let the rest go.  Not a total victory but still a pretty big deal.  Yes, I did spend a little bit, but a far cry from a defeat.  

So, instead of a No-Buy January & February, I have been working on being very conscientious about writing down not just when I shopped or how much I spent, but also why I shopped in the form of recording which days and times and how I was feeling all throughout the week whether I shopped or not so I could begin to see my patterns, which is how I knew this little relapse was coming and was able to navigate it.  So, I set myself a generous budget to last for the whole year.  The fact that, um, yeah, I spent 2/3 of my clothing budget in January alone could have been reason enough to say, "Screw it, I give up!"  Yes, I could have looked at that as a failure, but instead, I chose to press on and not give up.  "Ok, if I've spent two-thirds of my yearly budget already, I guess March is the perfect time to do a low-buy/no-buy to help me get back on track," I thought.

I'm just ready to live my life a different way and the way I dress is definitely a reflection of that and so is the way that I spend.  I don't know how well I'll do at sticking to my budget, but I have to give it a try and no matter if I slip up a few times, or even fall down a few times, I'm determined to get back and and keep moving forward into the kind of life I truly want to live and finding quality pieces of clothing that make me feel at home in myself and my life again.

Outfit Info:  Regency Lace Up Linen Dress

from linennaive

Love and Such

Valentine's Day is here again so of course we need to talk about love, but since I don't have anything new to say on the topic of relationships, I thought I would take a different approach and talk about being grateful for all the things and people you love.

A few years ago, I was struggling with a deep and painful loss and grief like I have never known before and hope I never feel again.  Depression followed as I just could not seem to pull myself out of this pit.  In a desperate attempt to try to shift my focus from all the sadness, I bought a gratitude journal.

If you're unfamiliar with a gratitude journal, they're just like any other journal in that you write in them, but unlike other journals, this one had room only for the date and a list of three things I was thankful for.  That's it.  No room for anything else, not a single if, and, or but.  

So, I opened the journal and started to write.  Actually, the only thing I wrote was the date.  Then I sat there and stared at those three lines trying desperately to think of something I was grateful for.  Just three things.  "Ok, ok," I thought, "this doesn't have to be ground breaking, it just has to be honest."  So, I wrote: 1.  my daughters, 2.  chocolate, 3.  pizza.  It seemed kind of lame to put two foods alongside my children as things I was grateful for, but I truly and honestly was thankful for each of them albeit in varying degrees.  I closed the book and hoped the next day would be easier.

The next day wasn't easier.  It didn't get easier for a year or more actually, but I kept going and eventually, although my children, chocolate, and pizza would all fill those lines many, many more times, I eventually did find other things in my life that I was thankful for and over time I could feel myself attitude shifting.  More importantly, whenever I was feeling down, I could look back over all the previous entries and it made my heart so happy to see all the good things in my life.

If love is a verb then happiness is too.  These are things we choose, actions we take, not things that come to us as we sit passively by and wait.  I choose to love people in my life, even when they're unkind, even when it hurts because I would rather love than hate, forgive than resent, and rejoice than mourn.  I choose to be happy and to laugh as much as possible, and I choose to be grateful as much as humanly possible for this one and only life that I have.  And so, if you are feeling a bit blue this Valentine's Day, make a choice to celebrate all the things and the people in your life that your are grateful for.  And have some chocolate too, giving thanks for every delicious bite.

Outfit Info:  YeMAK cardigan, Knitted Dove Dress, City Classified Shoes, Natural Life Mug  Use my link and get 20% off.

A Space Apart

Last year I got into a pretty sticky situation.  Without giving too many details, I was told there was a problem and I was responsible for handling it.  I thought it over, made a decision and took action.  Then I left for the day and when I got home was greeted by the biggest blow-up I've ever been at the center of on the internet or in real life.  I didn't think it was a big problem and I didn't think I was taking a firm or controversial stand, but the response I got seemed otherwise.  I didn't sleep that night, afraid that I had acted incorrectly and brought negative attention to people I cared about and might even bring further discipline on them.  So, the next morning, a Saturday, I got up before the sun was even up, drove to work, typed up my letter of resignation, and cleaned out my desk.  If anyone was going to face punishment for my decision, it was going to be me and I had no intention of sticking around for a grueling two hours of gathering my things afterwards.  

I sat in the chair I had scrounged out of the warehouse when I'd gotten this job, looked around my now bare office, that previous to my moving in was a large storage closet, and reminisced about the work I had done and what I worked to create and build.  It's natural in moments like this to resort to the "sour grapes" defense and focus on all the bad things about the job or situation or person so that letting go becomes easier, but I couldn't.  The fact was that although there had been some bad things happen at my job, I overwhelmingly loved my work, my coworkers and the people I served, even the ones who were now so angry at me and calling for my head on a plate.  It was all so upsetting, so discouraging, and worst of all there was nothing I could do or would even find out about it all until Monday.  I loaded my two boxes, left my resignation letter unsigned and facedown on my desk, ready for use if necessary, and locked up.  Once in my car, I sat in the parking lot for several minutes unsure of where to go.  My chest felt so tight I was struggling to breathe and I just needed a minute outside of all this to regroup.  Rather than going home to pace the floors all weekend and worry and wait, I decided to take the long way home.  

As it turned out, I took the extremely long way home and drive down all the back roads of the places I remember from being a little girl growing up here.  As I drove I felt my problem feeling farther away; I could feel my chest relax and mental peace and clarity return.  I needed this, I needed to be in place apart from my situation so I could see it clearly.  After half an hour or so, I found myself at a place where all earthly troubles cease, a little country cemetary that was very much secluded and seemed all but forgotten.  I parked and pushed open the rusty wrought iron gate.  It was so far off the beaten path that no traffic buzzed by and I could hear the birds and the wind rustling the shade trees.

Two huge stones had been stacked to create a makeshift bench among the tombs of those who had lived and died over a century ago.  I always knew this place was here, but I had no memory of ever visiting.  "Why would I?" I thought.  "These graves are so old there probably isn't anyone alive today who even knew these people."  Then as I sat admiring the absolute serenity of the place, I saw a newer stone.  I crossed to its place and read the name.  It belonged to a cousin of mine who had passed nearly 20 years ago.  I remember him quite well as a kind man who made bad choices that led to an early demise.  I remember because as he lay in his hospital bed, dying, he remarked that one day he was really going to get his life right.  He didn't know that he didn't even have one more day left of this life.  He became part of the fuel that drove me to make each day count and never fall victim to the "one day" fantasy.

I knelt beside this spot for a while longer before returning to my bench and sitting so still for so long that all manner of little wild creatures came out from their hiding places to eat and soak up the rays of morning sunshine on this beautiful mild spring day.  .....My problem....well, really just the one problem....was it really that bad?  It wasn't really, I decided after what seemed like a blessed brief lifetime in that place apart.  Did this little reprieve fix all my problems or make me stop worrying completely?  No, of course not.  But, I did feel better about the whole thing.  I went home and went about my weekend, ready to face whatever Monday brought.

When I went in to work on Monday, I prepared to apologize to the staff and face the consequences at our morning meeting.  Instead I was met by people who were just as surprised and disappointed by the ugliness and overreaction as I was and who in turn rallied around me in unanimous support.  I don't think I've ever had unanimous support at anything I've done, but not only did I have their support, I had their appreciation as they felt that what I had done was not only to take a stand but to stand up for them as well.  My bosses in turn felt that the whole thing was a non-issue and haven't brought it up since.

To quote Jane Austen, "It could have all turned out differently, I suppose, but, it didn't."  I am thankful that things ended well and that I was able to keep doing my work and saw for the first time who my real friends and allies were and who were only using me, but that isn't really the point of this post.  The point is that sometimes our problems are so encompassing, so pressing, so demanding that we can't see any way out of them.  At times like this, it is best to remember that there is in fact a great big world out there with a long, long, history and that our problems, like those who have gone before us, usually are so bad afterall, or at the very least, they won't last forever, and sometimes the only way to get some fresh perspective on it all is to find a space apart.