Haul, Declutter, Repeat

After a seemingly unending home renovation (yes, it's still going on), I reminded of an important lesson: You can't build something that lasts without a solid foundation.  This applies to more than just actual construction.  

The Internet abounds with quick-fix content.  Feeling unhealthy? Buy this supplement.  Feeling lonely?  Swipe right & hook up.  Want to lose a ton of weight?  Try a fad diet or a dangerous injection.  Drowning in stuff?  Just declutter.  While short-cuts might work for minor issues, they rarely work long term and never solve complex issues like addiction.

Try a short-cut and you will find that: after the supplements run out you'll go back to feeling unhealthy because you didn't address unhealthy habits.  After the hook up, you'll still be lonely because you didn't build a true and meaningful relationship or address the behaviors that lead to isolation.  Go off the diet or stop the shots and the weight will surely return (and then some) because you didn't build a healthy relationship with food.  Declutter and then watch as your home and closet fill up again because you didn't deal with your shopping addiction.

Hauls feel good for the dopamine hit of getting something new.  (I was definitely lost in a haul phase about five years ago)  Declutters feel good for getting organized and having breathing room again.  (I did a major declutter two years ago)  And while the occasional shopping spree or junk purge are perfectly fine, we are literally watching the addiction cycle on repeat with every influencer who Hauls/Declutters, Hauls/Declutters, Hauls/Declutters.  Since I've done the hauls and I've done a major declutter there's no judgement here, just observation: It's not healthy for your mind or your bank account.  And sometimes, the declutters actually trigger you to buy more because now you have all this space.  

2025 has been a Low Buy year for me.  Essentially my rule was that I would ditch the designers and stick to thrifting.  Thrifting in itself can give that dopamine hit because you've discovered a sought after treasure and for a bargain, but like all good things, it can be excessive; it can be addictive and although I know I am making progress and am leaps and bounds better off than I was years ago during my haul phase, which involved a lot of impulse buying, I still have to be careful.  Take this Selkie Day dress in rich red.   I found it for 65% off the original cost and as much as I wanted to snag it on the spot, I watched and waited for 6 weeks before buying (so there's some major progress there because it wasn't an impulse), but did I really need it at all?  No, no I did not.  I have plenty of other festive dresses; I was drawn in by the thrill of the bargain.  Rather than getting frustrated with myself, I'm going to be kind, be calm, and not declutter a whole bunch of red dresses to make up for it.

While I've spent far less than last year and made great strides toward my goals, including breaking my haul habit and waiting at least 24 hours before buying something so I can truly think it over, I've definitely brought in enough new-to-me treasures that my closet is starting to feel cluttered again.  Doing small declutters at intervals is part of maintaining a tidy home, but having to do major declutters indicates a real problem with in-flow.  So, I'm committed to stemming the tide rather than doing haul/declutter on an endless repeat.  I've come to terms with the fact that I love clothing and I'm never going to completely stop shopping, but I'm getting better and better at bringing in less, reining in my spending, enjoying what I own, and addressing my behaviors by doing the hard work rather than reaching for short-cuts and quick fixes.  So, before the Black Friday and Cyber Monday madness begin, I'm doing a little internal inventory, to see what I really want to add and only if the price is right, and more than anything to just be thankful for what I already have.

Outfit Info:  Selkie Day Dress thrifted from TheRealReal, Shoes by B.A.I.T
 

Try a Little Red Dress

All this talk of Little Black Dresses is very important, but I can't talk about wardrobe staples without mentioning Little Red Dresses.  Yes, black will work for any occasion, but there is something about red that makes it a must-have.

Red is a standout color, an attention getter, and it scares a lot of women because they don't feel worthy of attention.  If that's you, let me kindly persuade you to give red a try, especially something as flattering as this Flutter Sleeve V Neck dress from Milreason. 

At least once in her life, every woman should be able to don a little red dress and absolutely own the room.  If you get only one LRD, let this Flutter Sleeve V Neck Dress be the one.  It has so much going for it and I feel amazing and still totally comfortable in this dress.

With a fitted waist, flattering V Neckline and those glorious flutter sleeves, this little red dress has me in heaven.  Plus, it has pockets!  This dress costs only $35 so you can try it and love it without a big financial investment.  And the best part of all is that for a limited time you can save 10% off this dress with my code 10milmil.

If you've fallen into the neutrals rut, it's time to be bold.  Don't shy away from color or attention.  Don't be afraid to standout, especially when it's in a dress that makes you look your most amazing.

Shopping Info: Milreason Women’s Casual Cocktail A-line Dress Flutter Sleeves V-Neck Vintage 1950s Party Dress with Pockets Knee Length-$34.99  Save an extra 10% with my code 10milmil beginning 5/24/2022 and only for a limited time.

Timeless Scarlet

I love the name of this dress: Timeless Scarlet.  Perhaps on a subconscious level, that's why I chose it as a gift for my 40th birthday.  Dear old mum asked me what she could get me to mark the occasion of my 40th and I immediately sent her a link to this dress.  She is nothing if not accommodating, and since it is a milestone, she splurged and gave me this dress as an early birthday present.

 

This dress is quite unlike any of the other Teuta Matoshi dresses I have.  They're all gorgeous, make no mistake in that, but there is a regal elegance to the scarlet dress.  I fully expect to come across a photo of Audrey Hepburn as Princess Ann in Roman Holiday wearing this dress and a tiara.

Unlike my other gowns with their layers of mesh and glitter, this satiny fabric, puffed sleeves to rival anything Anne of Green Gables could imagine, and fitted bodice creates such a queenly (or Lady Cordelia as Anne would probably name it) silhouette. 

If the only place I ever wear this dress is here in this daisy covered meadow on a mild spring morning, that will be enough for me.....but I do hope it won't be the only time.

I love everything about this gown and I am glad to have something like this to wear on my birthday.  I don't know what I'll do to celebrate, maybe nothing at all.  Sometimes a gorgeous dress and the knowledge that one is deeply loved and has been each day for 40 years is celebration enough.

Every lady, at least once in her life, and I don't mean her teenage years--she's a girl then, not yet a lady, and I don't mean in her 20s when she's still finding herself, every lady, should be able to don a stunning gown, and have her life and the beauty of her soul celebrated.  To have a dress that makes her feel and own her beauty, not just her appearance but her achievements, of the love she has given, and what her life has meant to all those she has affected. 

I believe this.  Aging should not affect the way we value women, but unfortunately we live in a society that doesn't value experience, wisdom or anyone over the age of 30.  What a shame.  A woman's beauty doesn't disappear as she ages; it grows with every life she touches.

To that end, I hope to have many more years of this beautiful life, many more years of pouring myself out in service to others.   Many more years, to make people laugh and feel loved.  And yes, I'll probably find lots of pretty dresses along the way, and I'll tell you about all of them.

Shopping Info: Timeless Scarlet Dress from Teuta Matoshi.  Use my link to save $50 off your purchase at TeutaMatoshi.com  Click first, then shop.  Discount is automatically applied at checkout.

Date Expectations

In January I heard a million and half people say that 2020 was over and 2021 was going to be better.  Has it?  My year thus far has been just as chaotic and stressful as last year.  We're only two months in, so I haven't given up hope, but I am sort of white knuckling it and praying for spring.

Ok, we had a year of lockdowns and now a full week of snow days. Plus I had a cold and a broken toe to contend with while trying to feed the animals and water them and keep my house warm on my snow days.  After all that, I'm good; I'm all set.  I'd like to go outside now and do things again.

In the meantime, while 2021 gets itself sorted, One last red dress before February slips away.  There are two times of year when I like to roll out the red dresses: Christmas and Valentine's.  I thought of going out and taking some red dress pics in all the snow just to have them in advance for Christmas, but the temperature was in the negative numbers.  I love taking blog photos but I also love not having pneumonia or frost bite, so snow photos will just have to wait.

I still haven't had a night out for Valentine's day or just for a general date night due to the extreme winter weather we're having and I am so, so looking forward to it when it finally happens.  I know exactly where we're going and what I'm ordering and which art exhibit we'll be visiting afterwards.  (A lot of the museums in our area are now open by appointment.)

The outfit is still undecided, but this red peplum wiggle dress from Collectif is high in the running.  I have a similar dress from Stop Staring, but this one has a thinner fabric with a little more stretch and I love a peplum to bring balance to my shape. 

I don't mind the wait for things that matter.  In fact I think it makes them all the sweeter when they do arrive, and as I've mentioned, it gives me time to sort out all the details instead of, "Where do you want to go?  I don't know, where do you want to go?"  Nuh, no.  When we do finally go out, it will be with purpose and confidence and expectation.  

Dress from: Collectiflondon.com

Valentine's Delays

Well, Valentine's Day is nearly here and I thought it was time I started rolling out the red dresses.  Last year we worked in a date night right around Valentine's Day and right before the world turned on its head.  I think we might have had one date night since then, but I was really hoping we could do something special this year. 

Sadly, as I watch this storm system barreling down on us this weekend, I know that we'll likely be spending Valentine's Day and many of the days following it indoors, near the fire.  I'm only praying the electricity doesn't go out for weeks on end like it has in years past.

That doesn't mean we can't celebrate; I might just have to get creative and prepare some kind of fleece blanket with a picnic spread of champagne (I always keep some on hand), chocolates (I've been curating a special box of gourmet chocolates for each of my family members so that each one is unique and special) and some other delicacies I can put together.

One of my favorite memories from Switzerland was gathering in the gorgeous chalet of a friend, eating fondue with Swiss friends on a very chilly winter day.  Well, if there's one thing the Swiss know how to do it is make the most of your time indoors during a snow storm.

Maybe I can bake a loaf of bread and put together something fondue-like for a fireside picnic.  Maybe we'll play a card game or just chat.  Whatever the case, our Valentine's plans, it look like we'll be weathering the weather together. 

Shopping Info: Dress from SheIn

Holly Jolly

How are you feeling about the holidays this year?  This time of year can be super stressful for many of us, add to that the bizarre year that it's been and I don't know exactly how to feel.  Am I stressed, fearful, depressed, thankful, totally over all of it?  

Sometimes instead of letting our emotions rule us, telling us how to feel and react, we have to resort to a Joe Friday approach, "just the facts, ma'am."  Feelings are untrustworthy at best.  Focus on the facts or better yet, focus on the truth instead.  The truth never changes.

As far as stress goes, ask yourself what's got you stressed and how much of it is within your control?  Chances are you can manage a lot of that stress.  Freaking out over buying gifts for everyone?  Get some gift cards or bake some cookies and send them with a nice note on festive paper explaining that you're taking a bit of the pressure off yourself, but you love each person all the same. 

Money got you worried?  Maybe you just be honest about your finances this year and say, "I just can't" to a lot of the sideline stuff so you won't go deeper into debt.  Depressed?  Get out there and serve others!  There's no better way to cure depression than by helping others instead of obsessing about your problems.  

This next part is really going to offend people with delicate sensibilities, but I really don't care because it needs to be said.  As far as being afraid goes, Tell your fears to sack up or shut up.  Life is risk.  Every moment of everyday we're all taking our chances. There's never been a time in all of history that was without conflict, trials, dangers, and most of them were more difficult and life threatening than anything we face today.  Get out there and live!  

And, if you can, go beyond just living and love your life.  Love the people in your life and make sure they know just how much they mean to you, right now and every chance you get.  Make this the best holiday season ever!

Little Red Dress from StopStaring.com

Creative Date Night Destinations

One look at this dress and you already know what we're going to be talking about today, right?  That's right, we're talking date nights.  So, when is the last time you had date night? Go ahead, think about it for a second, I'll wait...............................

Ok, if it actually took you a few minutes to remember, or if you still can't think of when your last date night was, (even before the quarantine) then the answer is, It's Been Too Long.  Time to start planning!

First things first--Where do you want to go?  Once you know that, you can decide when and what to wear.  I know it's harder to get out and about right now.  It seems like rules vary from state to state, even town to town, but trust me when I say that it is worth the effort to have a little couples time.  Going to see a movie is a pretty common activity, and with movie theaters reopening that may be an option, but what about going to an art museum instead?  Or better yet, an art show opening or an outdoor music festival!   It might be a little harder to find those events right now, but eventually things will open back up.

Go city exploring.  Get out of your little neck of the woods and go some where new.  You can look into the hot spots ahead of time or just find your own way around and see what you see.  I remember one such evening where my date and I went to a new town and just looked around.  We went to a divy old bookstore, and played giant chess in the park, and found a great little Italian restaurant.  He beat me at chess and I was a bit of a sore loser--yes, I had that passing thought of "I don't think this is going to work out between us,"-- but he was so sweet and thoughtful, that I forgave him for being better than me at chess and it was the first of many wonderful dates.

If you're looking for something besides just dinner, how about a beer or wine tasting instead?  It's outside of the box, but pressed right up against it.  One of my favorite date night meals was at a pub where they smoked their own brisket made their own sauces in house.  So, we ordered the sauce sample platter and got to try all the flavors with some amazing brisket and we decided to order several kinds of beer to have a little beer tasting of our own.  That was the appetizer.  After that we went out to walk around and explore the city.  It was all very romantic and then we headed to an all waffles restaurant for dessert.

Be kids again!  Remember when you were younger and a "date" involved bowling or going to the arcade?  Why not revisit those old favorites?  It's inexpensive, it's fun and it lets you get a little competitive.  In case you're wondering, yes, I would go bowling in this dress.......but not the heels, obviously.  In the end, it doesn't really matter where you go or what you do.  The point to to get away and spend some time with the one you love and have some fun, reconnect.  So, get out there!

Shopping Info:  Million Dollar Baby Dress in Red from Stop Staring!, Heels from ThredUp, Fresh Water Pearl Earrings from Natuloth