Do Something Unlike You

Today I'm trying something new, something totally not me!  I found this pink fur coat and I just couldn't take my eyes off it.  It was the absolute perfect shade of pink, the perfect color, the perfect kind of faux fur (meaning it looked animal not muppet) and I just couldn't look away.  I loved it.  But, I didn't buy it.  For a whole year I wanted a pink fur coat and I didn't get one because that's just not me, it's not my style, what will people think?! 

Have you ever felt there were things you couldn't do or couldn't wear or could eat because it was “just not me.”  It's especially difficult when we take a stand on something and we come to define ourselves and more frustratingly others come to define us by these things.  Over time we change—we change our minds, we change our tastes, our shapes change—and we want something different, something that better suits us or we're at least curious to try.  But...we don't...because, “that's not me.”

If you've ever denied yourself the experience (the positive, healthy kind) of doing something new because you've defined yourself in such a strict way that there's no room for growth or change, I want to challenge you to break free of that mold.  

Sometimes we place way too much emphasis on the image we've made and the perceptions others have of us.  If that image is keeping you from the life your heart is telling you is right and true, the way you want to and should be living, then your image needs an overhaul and it isn't going to be easy.

Changing your mind sounds like such a simple thing to do and yet, I've seen far too many people cling to the outdated versions of themselves to their detriment.  Why?  Because changing your stance, changing your life it really, really hard, but bear in mind that nothing worth having comes easily.

The first thing you have to do is be humble.  Admit that maybe past-you didn't know everything and was in fact wrong about some stuff.  Or maybe past-you wasn't wrong, it's just that that way of thinking/living doesn't for present-you anymore.  It's ok to be wrong; it's ok to need things to be different because you're different.

The second thing you'll have to do is build your case and get ready to argue it.  The hardest part about changing isn't always the battle within.  Very often mold that we've made for ourselves is strongly reinforced by the world around us and people don't want us to change because it scares them.  They don't “know” us anymore and they're afraid they never really did and maybe don't even know themselves.  I saw this first hand when one of my closest friends decided to lose weight.  I'm not talking about losing 15 or 20lbs, no, at the time she weighed 400lbs.  Her weight had been a long standing issue and had in fact become part of how she and others defined her, comforted her, pleased her, related to her.  When she began saying no to food, people panicked.  They didn't know how to relate to her anymore. 

I saw it again when another friend, who was a very skinny, shy to the point of being timid type and who was/is a very talented artist, decided to join the military.  Everyone who knew him and in particular his family (the people who were supposed to know him best) totally panicked, not because he would have been in any danger—this wasn't during a time of war and his job never took him remotely close to any thing dangerous.  No, they were afraid because they had come to define him as weak and in particular as weaker than all of them.  Now he bulked up, gaining 30 lbs of muscle, and he was leading other and getting accolades from his superiors.  What would he be now and what would they be now? There were so many power struggles as these people tried to reestablish their sense of order and a hierarchy where he was at the bottom.  Some of them are still (unsuccessfully) trying and it's 20 years later and he's retired from service and returned to his artwork.

I've been through a similar situation and had similar struggles, but the real question is and should be, do I regret it?  No.  Not for one moment have I ever regretted my decision to change.  I knew myself well enough to know that I would regret it if I didn't change and instead allowed other people to tell me who I was when I knew it wasn't true.  If there's any question in your mind what the right thing to do is, then take some time to think about it before you make a move.  But, bear in mind no matter what you choose you will gain something and lose something.

 

It seems complicated and maybe it is, but that's just a part of life.  Every decision comes with sacrifice.  The goal is to narrow it down to the sacrifice you can live with and the sacrifice you can't.  If you can do that, the choice becomes clear.  But, be careful to never look back and glamorize what you've lost by choosing something else.  There is no perfect way where it's only positives and no negatives.  Focus on you, what are your strengths?  What are your weaknesses?  What are the gains and the sacrifices if you change?  And if you don't?  And what would make you truly at peace in your life?

Bringing it all back around to the place we started which is with something very simple like fashion choices.  If your style needs to change, don't be afraid to make the change, and don't ever use the reason “it's just not me” as an excuse to keep you from broadening your image into something far more eclectic (and interesting) than what you (or others) have currently pigeon-holed you into .  As for me?  I bought that gorgeous pink fur coat and I am loving every single second in it!

Shopping Info: Coat from: SHEIN, Skirt from ChicWish, and Chelsea Crew Heels from Modcloth