Happy Boo Year

Happy Boo Year!  Yes, it may be a reach, but I found a way to wear both of my Halloween sweaters well after their holiday appeal.  This was the second post planned for the ghostly sweaters that took three months to arrive and so they are far from relevant to any holidays including New Year's at the present time, but I'm making it work!  I waited three months for crying out loud, so it's happening.  You will also likely see both of these sweaters turn up again at Halloween but after waiting so long, I have no intention of waiting another ten months before these sweaters make their debut.

On the subject of getting spooked, my youngest daughter has been asking for my help lately.  She wants to enter a photography contest at her school and asked me to teach her what I know about photography.  I've assisted her in setting up a couple of photo shoots of our opossum and a still life scene or two, but I also thought it would be nice if she could work with me since I often need someone behind the camera, pushing the button for me.

This little graveyard is on the way to school, so I knew if we left early we wouldn't be late.  We arrived with plenty of time to take photos.  And yet, as soon as we pulled up, she seemed antsy.  I caught her looking over her shoulder more than once.

Every time a car approached she jumped and then panicked.  I knew she wasn't worried about ghosts, so I assumed she was worried about "getting in trouble for being in the cemetery.  When she grabbed the tripod and tried to dart to the wall to hide, I was getting a little frustrated I said, "Sweet heart, this is public land and we have a right to be here.  No one is going to yell at us."  

"Ugh!  I know," she said and rolled her eyes.  "Ok, then," I said, "focus please.  Literally, focus.  The last half dozen shots were blurry because you were looking over your shoulder."  We got a few nice shots before we heard the sound of another car and her eyes darted toward the road.  "Oh, no!  That's my friend!  She's going to see me!"

Ah ha, so that's what had my baby girl spooked.  Not spooks and specters, not even belligerent grounds keepers or random passersby.  Dear old mum might embarrass her.  Really?  Me?  Surely she must be mistaken.  Would I do something that would embarrass my sweet youngest child?

Yeah, that does sound like me.  I tried for so long not to embarrass the people I love.  I tried so hard and was so successful at it that I became invisible.  I became someone I didn't recognize and quite frankly didn't like.  I was this blank person who never spoke and had no opinions because God forbid I say something wrong.  And, as it turns out, not only did my loved ones make no attempt at reciprocating--they have publicly embarrassed me beyond anything my wildest stress dreams could conjure and I can only assume they did it because they didn't know how it felt--but I still somehow "embarrassed" them just by existing.  Try to Not embarrass a teenager and yours will be an exercise in futility.

Soooo, I decided to just be myself and they can deal with it.  I also decided to stop sparing their feelings and let them know, in no uncertain terms, when they have publicly humiliated me.  Let's face it, I haven't done anyone any favors by "being nice" in that respect.  If someone hurts you, you need to tell them especially if it's a repeat offense.  Maybe a little awareness and a little empathy after they've gone through it will help us understand and perhaps care for each other better.

In the mean time, Ima keep doin what I do.  I'm going to get these photos in the graveyard in my ghost sweaters with my daughter's help even if they do turn out crooked and slightly blurry.  I'm teaching her more than just photography tips out here and she's giving me a refresher course in patience.

So, if this first month of the new year is any indicator of how the rest of 2021 will be, then perhaps I can look forward to more photo sessions with my girl and maybe even a look back at the end of the year to see how she's improved.  There will definitely be more posts with this sweater on the way, probably not until autumn but you never know.

Shopping Info: Sweater from Aliexpress, Shorts from Forever 21, Tights and Headband from Shein

Power Suits

When we hear the words "power suit" it conjures images of wall street tycoons yelling into the latest model cell phone about stock prices.  But, I would venture to say that a power suit can and should be in so many more of our wardrobes regardless of whether or not we deal in stocks.

The term "power suit" arrived in the 1980s when Wall Street and yuppies seemed to feature in nearly every movie at the box office and through the magic of storytelling, the exact same type of slick-haired suit wearing businessman was either the hero or the villain depending on the view point.  Funny, but even when I knew they were supposed to be the hero, I still felt like they were all just bad men in nice suits.

The whole premise behind the power suit was that it was conservative yet bold and exuded confidence.  All one had to do was walk into a room and every head would turn and everybody would immediately know who was in charge.  Or, so says bespokeunit.com in its guide to mens tailored suits.  

As far as women's fashion goes, I think the power suit has been around much longer.  Do a quick search of women's suits of the 1940s and you'll find some striking silhouettes.  While you likely won't find any of those suits in wearable condition, thankfully there are designers like Alicia Estrada of Stop Staring who keep those classic styles alive.

With just enough shoulder padding to frame up your form, a peplum style jacket, and this fitted skirt, Estrada's Leonora dress is a suit that makes one confident statement.  Notice the way that the navy blocks at the side of the jacket create a slimming effect.  And this fabric does a fabulous job of shaping and contouring.

The best news of all is that this style is typically available at Stop Staring for custom order meaning you can always get your size.  I decided to go up one size from my usual and it is the perfect fit.

Hello curves and hello confidence.  Which way to Wall Street?

Shopping Info:  Stop Staring Leonora Dress, heels from ModCloth

The Journey Begins With a Single Step

It's all too common to say to someone just starting out, "You can do it; it'll all be ok in the end."  But when you're that person, life in ruins, cloud castle burnt to ashes and heart shattered to bits too small to reassemble, even one step on the road to recovery feels insurmountable let alone the millions it may take to get back to some semblance of normal.  If that's you, if you're standing at the beginning of this long journey, then just know that I and many others have been where you are and the best thing you can do right now is to take that step anyway.

A lot of well meaning people will try to encourage you with words of hope.  They'll say things like, "it's going to get better, you'll see."  Those words are so hollow in the aftermath of trauma, they may as well be saying, "after my pet pig prepares us an excellent chocolate soufflé, we'll hop on his back and fly to the moon for a little swimming and sunbathing."  In those moments, that probably sounds more plausible than, "you're going to be ok."

I won't promise you any of that.  I won't tell you it will all be Ok.  Not because it won't be ok in the end, but because "the end" is irrelevant to right now.  

My advice, as I look back on my own journey, still so fresh and raw and not nearly over, is that you only have today.  Don't look at five years from now, one year from now, don't even look at next week.  Just focus on today, on this step that you must take right now, and nothing more.  Don't think about building more castles in the sky, just focus on getting up out of the ashes of this one.

I've been on this road for nearly five years and I can finally look back and see how far I've come, but it took so many steps before I could even do that.  And there were so many days that I cried to my councilor and said, "I don't think I can do this and I don't think this is working."  In her wisdom drawn from her own experience she looked me in the eyes, put her hand on mine and said, "I know.  But, do it anyway."

So, I did.  Not just because she said so, but because what was the alternative?  I could keep going and maybe fail or I could stop right where I was and guarantee failure and that I would never heal.  The choice was simple.  Stand up and keep walking.

One day at a time.  One step at a time.  It doesn't sound like much, but it doesn't need to be at first.  It's enough to just have today and let tomorrow and all the steps that will come take care of themselves while you take care of you.

Shopping Info: Top, trousers, and brooch from: SHEIN

Extra, Extra, Read All About It

Unintentionally, very Charles Dickens' Street Urchin/ Victorian Newsboy look going on here, hence the title of this post.  But, I won't be out selling gossip rags in this outfit, though I do intend to wear it to work as soon as I can decide on the right shoes to go with it.

News is an interesting thing.  It can bring relief or heartache and can spread like a virus.  One thing I have learned in my many years of life is that stomach sinking feeling of dread when the phone rings in the middle of a workday.   That before 5p.m. call can only mean bad news, because for some reason good news can wait til the working day is done but bad news must be shared immediately.  

It's happened enough times that I promised myself I would work to reverse that trend and share my good news right away in whatever format at my disposal-text, email, phone call, or in person--just to break the pattern of the bad news call.  I don't know if it's worked but I certainly feel better for sharing something wonderful right away instead of putting it on the back burner.

To that end, I'm not a fan of gossip.  I recognize the bonding factor that occurs when people share gossip with each other, and I've been known to thumb through a People magazine now and then.  Celebrity gossip in particular can be a guilty pleasure once in a while, mainly because these people will never know I read or shared their news with someone face to face.

But overall, and most especially when it comes to people you know -friends, co workers, and family--even if it's someone you don't care for, if you don't have your facts straight and what you've heard won't build someone up or help them out, maybe just don't say it.

Good or bad, the news, gossip, and just words in general are a very powerful thing.  They bring life and death, the raise up kings and bring down empires.  They build up esteem and tear friendships apart.  Even your words.  Treat them with respect and by all means if you have something good to say, don't wait, say it loudly for all to hear.  Personally, I don't have any particular good news to share today, but when I do you'll be the first to hear it.

Shopping Info:  Sweater from Forever 21, trousers from SheIn

Bigger Better Beehive

The beehive is back and bigger than ever!  I had an hour or two to kill today before an appointment, so I decided to play around with my hair.  I've been wanting to attempt a full beehive but all my prior attempts  have literally fallen flat.

 

SOooooo, today I watched a few videos, tried a few things, then ended up going rogue, borrowing an idea here and there and trying it my own way.  I really loved the results and it's closer to a beehive than I've yet been able to achieve. 

The reason none of the videos really worked for me was that they all involved teasing (back-combing) your hair.  I'm 80% against that in the normal run of things and as I mentioned yesterday I'm working really hard to give my hair a little TLC right now so I'm 100% against teasing.

For my method, I put my hair in a ponytail, then bobby pinned a large bun donut to the area of hair in front of the ponytail.  I topped the bun donut with a foam bump to give it height and shape.  Then I wrapped the ponytail forward, twisted the front and bobby pinned it in place.

I tucked the end of the ponytail under the side, followed all that with more bobby pins and sprayed.  I intend to keep working on this hairstyle (put it on the list with half a dozen others), but for now anything that does no harm to my hair and even looks great on that last day before I shampoo is exactly what I'm looking for.

While we're on the subject of exactly what I'm looking for, I've had this Forever 21 dress for several years and it never fails to amaze me how many different outfits I can make from it.  I just wore it to work last week, washed it, and had it hanging up to be closeted when I thought of wearing it with these warm red tights.  Love!  This may be my favorite outfit with this dress so far.

And with this short length, tights make all the difference, plus I think a shorter hem is the perfect match to a vintage style.  The bright colors, the geometric patterns, the crop cardi, I love it all.  This is how clothes and hair should make us feel everyday.

Shopping Info: XXI dress and MAK Cardi from ThredUp, Tights From ModCloth

Love Your Hair

I'm not a #wokeuplikethis kind of person.  And it's not just because I'm older.  I've been an insomniac for most of my life starting in childhood. People who don't sleep much don't really have the opportunity to "just wake up looking gorgeous."  Then there were the baby years in my early 20s and now I'm nearly 40 and a good night's sleep is precious thing to me, but even if I do get it, I still usually look like I crawled out of a diaper fire on a humid beach (it's even worse when I travel) and I thank God for a little smoothing under the eyes in Photoshop for some of these early morning photos, but I do expect a little more from my hair than it has been delivering the past few years.

 

I remember when my mother turned 30 or so she started getting up every Saturday and Sunday and styling her hair even if we weren't going anywhere.  I thought it was odd that she couldn't just be herself around her family, but she said she felt better about herself when her hair was styled even if no one else saw it.  I never thought much about my hair and I do not enjoy styling it, but in the past couple of years I have noticed my hair becoming impossibly dry, damaged, and frizzy and as it has worn on my self esteem a little.  I now see what my mum was talking about.

I was so frustrated that something had to change or I was going to go all 2007 Britney and shave my head so I could start over.  Chances are there are a lot of you out there who can relate to this sentiment, but I want to encourage you to put down the electric shaver and devote some time to a little hair love.  I did a little research and decided to make some changes to my hair care routine and some of these tips may help you as well.  Personally, I have several factors at play here and all of them needed to be addressed: A. I color my hair.  B.  I straighten my hair.  C. My shampoo.  D. I have gray hair.  E.  A Plethora of Styling Products

Because red hair dye tends to fade more quickly than other colors, I always touched up all of my hair at the end of coloring my roots for an extra 5-10 minutes.  And because I have gray hair the type of dye that I use is no joke.  It's serious stuff to cover all the gray.  Those two things alone can lead to brittle damaged hair.  In order to address this issue, I kept the same brand (for now), but I only color my roots.  Instead of touching up, I've switched to a basic wash out color for the ends that intensifies my color, but there's no damage.

Although I use heat protectant sprays and creams, I was straightening my hair at least three times a week on high heat.  In my fight against the frizz I was actually creating more frizz by straightening so much.  I decided to just give my hair a rest and only straighten if it's absolutely necessary, which is a maximum of twice a month instead of three times a week.  The rest of the time I'm letting it go au natural and trying to work with whatever wildness that produces without any products.  I was using a lot of things on my hair to try to make it healthier, but honestly all that gunk wasn't helping and I think it feels best when there's nothing on it at all.

I grew up shampooing my hair everyday.  Then, as an adult, and particularly during the baby years, I switched to every other day and conditioning every day.  Now, with my hair being so dry, I noticed I could go three to four days without shampooing or conditioning and even then only my roots looked greasy.  After three days the rest of my hair was just starting to look normal.  So, I took a cue from the No-Poo-November trend (which is about stopping shampooing not trips to the toilet) and took a whole month in which I only washed my hair once a week.  It was gross, not even gonna sugar-coat that, but my hair did seem to improve.  Now I'm maintaining at shampooing twice a week.

Lately, I've been really thinking about going back to my natural color, which includes several prominent gray streaks.  The trouble is that my hair is so damaged my stylist informed me that it couldn't withstand a dramatic change and I don't like the idea of red mixed with dark brown streaks while it grows out as she suggested.  But, while I was researching I did learn a lot about sulfate-free shampoos.  I decided to make the switch about a month ago and, I think my hair is really improving.

Sulfates are great at stripping grease and dead skin and other nasties from your hair, but they also strip out dyes and natural oils that protect your hair.  Not everyone needs to make the change, but for me I can tell my color is lasting longer and my hair is looking healthier in a far more dramatic way than all those other changes I made combined.

It's not perfect, it's not even great, but I'm way happier with it now than I have been in ages.  And there are more and more mornings lately in which I can honestly say, why yes, I #wokeuplikethis --at least with my hair anyway.

Shopping Info: Notch Neck Lantern Sleeve Tie Front Striped Top from Shein, Ribbon Maxi Skirt by Free People