Back to School Blues

I think this must be the saddest time of year for me.  Most people get the blues around the holidays or their birthday, but for me it's always been the back-to-school blues.  

I suppose some things from childhood always remain with us and that hollow feeling in my stomach as each August rolled around and signaled the end of the long wild dreaminess of summer has never left me.

I've spoken with many people over the years and a fair share of them said they had only happy memories of nervous excitement at the return to school, back to seeing friends again, back to lunches on trays and playground hijinx, but I've always preferred to be here--in the woods, by the stream, gathering flowers and lost in lovely thoughts.

Each August I feel that tightness in my throat, that little pang in my heart as I hear those dreaded words--Back. To. School.  Even though I schooled my own children at home, that feeling came each year.  I could feel myself relax little as I reminded myself that my school days were over and their school days were far different than my own.  

We took walks to pick flowers or berries or spend quiet hours at the seaside.  Their imaginations could run wild all year and besides the hours of the day we did our work, most if their time was spent with friends or lost in play. 

Now that that time in their lives is over, I miss it dearly.  Being able to have those precious wonder-filled years with my children was a great gift.  But those days are gone and we've made some great traditions for back-to-school.

One thing I have learned is that whether they're starting a new school or returning to the old, the first day of school is so hard that it's best to  stop and pick up a pint of their favorite ice creams and a spoon and as each girl gets into the car, just hand her the ice cream  Don't even ask about her day; when she's half way through the pint, she'll be ready to talk and she'll be the one to start the conversation.

For myself, I try to find a little quiet time to walk and reflect, preferably with a mimosa in my hand.  I take a moment to look at where I've been in my life, where I am now, and where my children have been and are going.  It isn't exactly a sad time though there is some of that, more the bitter-sweetness of life and pausing to acknowledge it and let myself feel it.

Even if this particular time of year isn't especially difficult for you, chances are you have your hang ups and tough seasons.  It's tempting to runaway in moments like this, isn't it.  But, don't run, and don't distract yourself either.  It's too easy these days with all the activities and screens, but don't give in to that.  If you do, these feelings, these difficulties will only compound and you'll never stop running, never stop distracting, never get back to actually living.

Pause a moment or several.  Breathe deeply.  Remember the good and smile.  Release the bad with a tear or two if you have to.  Then rise up again and keep walking in the present and living your best life right now and even through the difficult seasons.

Shopping info:  dress from Retrolicious, Jean Bolero Shrug from Collectif